It wasn't often that he was spooked by the night. Normally, Lucky craved it. His short walk alone from the club to his house was usually a time that he loved. During the walk, he was alone with his thoughts, and he could think about all the things that had gone wrong in his life, all the things he had wanted to see, wanted to do, back when he had been a teenager and his head had been full of dreams.
Looking around him to make sure that he wasn't being followed, and then berating himself for being so foolish, Lucky breathed in the beauty of the night. The moon was full and high in the sky, a big natural lantern looking down on this sleeping part of the world. The echo of his steps on the sidewalk was heard loud, amplified by the humidity of the hot summer night. Lucky reached for the tail of his shirt before he wiped his sweaty face. He should've taken an ice cold bottle of water with him, but he truly hadn't thought the heat was that bad. Of course, he had been inside the club all night, where the temperature was kept cool by the old air conditioner.
Lucky started whistling, not sure why he was so nervous tonight. Maybe he was more tired than he had thought at first. It had been a slow night, though, so why he felt like he had rushed was something he didn't understand. He stopped at a red light and looked both ways before he started crossing. It was unnecessary, though. He was the only one up and about at this time of night. The last drunks at the club had been sent home about half an hour ago. Lucky always stayed behind and cleaned a little, making sure that the cleaning crew in the morning wouldn't have that much of a job.
The truth was, though, that he stayed at the club a little later because he dreaded going home. He always had been a night owl, and he smiled as he remembered what his father had told him a long time ago, about Laura missing their night cromosone. He had replied "why sleep all night when you can sleep all day at school?" Luke had laughed, because he had known that his son had been collecting straight A's from the moment they had done that damn bargain. Each good grade would get him something for his computer. It had seemed important to him at the time.
Lucky sighed when his house came into sight. He slowed his pace down, dreading the moment when he would have to open the door. The house would no doubt be cool, which would be welcomed, since the short walk between the club and his home had him sweating like a pig. Other than that, the silence inside would be worse than the silence outside. He reached inside his pocket for his keys and he unlocked the door slowly. The first lock turned, and he had trouble opening the second one. As always. Lucky gave up for the moment and sat on the porch, before he looked up at the sky, his head thrown back like someone who was hoping to catch the sun's abundant rays during the summer days. He closed his eyes and let the hot air move through his shoulder length hair, savoring his feeling of freedom for a little longer. Sighing and telling himself that he was being foolish, Lucky unlocked the grouchy lock and walked inside, leaving his wallet and keys on the table by the door.
Wonder, his long haired golden retriever, stood up and stretched lazily on the floor. The dog's yawn heard throughout the house, before he trotted slowly to lick his hand, his tail wagging loosely at the sight of him.
"Hey, boy," Lucky said, reaching down to scratch the dog behind his ear. The dog's hot breath was clashing against his sweaty skin, and Lucky patted his head before he walked to the kitchen. Opening the fridge and surveying what was good to snack on, Lucky decided that he wasn't hungry. He took a beer and unscrewed the top, before he took a long swig as he closed the refrigerator door with his leg. Wonder followed him around the house as Lucky made sure every door and window was closed and locked. It was unnecessary, since he had air conditioning and he never opened the windows, but his father had taught him that you could never be too careful. Once he was satisfied that no one could come in except through the front door, which was locked, he walked to the living room and sat on the couch just as he reached for the remote. He propped his feet up, feeling Wonder jump on the couch and sit next to him. He reached for his dog and helped him lay his head down on his lap, just as Foster had always done before him. Caressing the dog's thick fur as he flipped through the channels, Lucky took another long mouthful of beer before putting the bottle on the table next to the couch. "Well," he said out loud and felt Wonder's ear move at his master's voice, "nothing good on. Might as well go to bed."
The dog woofed softly and looked at Lucky as though he smiled, his mouth open and his tongue hanging out. "Oh, yeah," Lucky smiled back, "You need to go potty first, right?" Wonder wagged his tail and got down from the couch before he ran for the door. He knew what potty meant. Lucky unlocked the two locks again, before he opened the door so Wonder could go and relieve himself. The dog didn't need a leash. He knew better than to leave the front yard. He sniffed at the ground a couple of times, his tail wagging all the while, before he went behind the big oak tree and did his business. "Come on, boy!" Lucky called as the dog slowly walked back to the house and ran up the step of the porch.
Lucky closed the door and locked it, before he slowly walked up the stairs to his room. He kicked off his shoes and started unbuttoning his shirt, before he stretched his arms to get the sleeves off. "I need a shower," he told his retriever and Wonder just cocked his head to the side, as if saying "Well, lick yourself." Lucky chuckled as the thought entered his mind and he sneered playfully at his companion. "You think I can't reach everywhere, don't you?" Lucky asked and Wonder cocked his head on the other side and Lucky laughed as he once again put words in the dog's mouth. Wonder looked as if he was thinking that Lucky didn't have a tongue long enough to reach every part of his body. "I'll show you another time," Lucky teased out loud, before he reached for his belt buckle. With one pull his zipper was opened and he let his pants drop of the floor, kicking them on the other side of the room as he walked to bed. He threw the covers back and lay down. He heard Wonder turn around a couple of times, looking for the perfect spot to lie down. The clicking of the dog's claws stopped and Lucky heard a big "hoof" as the dog laid down on the floor by what Lucky thought was the foot of the bed.
Looking up at the ceiling, Lucky put both his arms behind his head. He wasn't tired but at this time in the morning, there was nothing else to do but to try to sleep. His thoughts drifted, though, and he couldn't help but feel the bitterness take over his heart again.
Every generation
Blames the one before
When all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
Lucky sighed and turned to his right side, shoving his hands under his pillow. Dwelling on the past tonight, in the mood he was in, was a sure sign of trouble. He was tired of always feeling that way, though, feeling like he had been cheated out of life because of Luke.
If it hadn't been for his father, Lucky would've lived a normal life in a normal town. He wouldn't have been dragged around the world from the time he wasn't even old enough to sit on his own. If it hadn't been for his father, he would've been able to learn his own name before learning and remembering all of his aliases. He would've been able to go to school like a normal kid instead of being homeschooled for the first years of his life. He would've been able to make friendships that endured through hard times, instead of coming off as a lone and weird kid to the others.
The weird part was, he didn't even blame Luke. Not completely. He had known that his father needed his adventures to stay alive. He had known that his father had been a man that couldn't stay seated long enough to enjoy life. When they had stayed long enough in the same town, it hadn't been long before Luke usually started making trouble with the locals. He hadn't been able to stop himself.
But now, Lucky found himself being like his father. That was what his recent restlessness had been about. He knew it but he didn't like it. He wasn't happy with his current life. Managing Luke's and coming home to an empty house just wasn't enough anymore.
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
When Lucky had come home after being kidnapped and held prisoner for more than 2 years, he had promised himself that he would never, ever act like Luke so that his past mistakes would not one day reflect on the son that he was going to have in about three months. He had promised himself that he would lead a good, uneventful life. Managing his father's uneventful club and coming home every night had looked like a dream to him. Luke had been happy to give the reigns to his son. Truth was, his father had been more and more tired. What had happened during the past year, after they realized that Helena had sent a poor impostor in Lucky's place had taken it's toll on the old Spencer patriarch. When Luke had seen Lucky for the first time after more than two years, had really seen his son in flesh and blood, his heart had given out. Luke had been hospitalized and had needed open heart surgery in order for him to stay alive. After that, when things had calmed down a bit, Lucky had expressed the desire to be the one looking after Luke's club. Everyone had breathed a sigh of relief. They had been scared that Lucky would take on himself to avenge the months he had spent away.
Luke had still talked about getting even with the Cassadines, had even wanted to take revenge on Lucky's brother. What stopped him had been the rage inside Lucky. That white fury that came out of nowhere. Lucky had wanted to let things be. He had wanted to keep a low profile and to let the Cassadines kill themselves wondering about the next Spencer move, which would never come.
Now, though, as he lay still in the middle of the night, he was taken back by the need to do something. The need to change his life. Coming home tonight had taken every ounce of willpower he had inside himself. He knew that if he didn't stop himself he would probably do something stupid and reckless, like his father had done time and time again. Now, tonight, as Lucky turned around on his bed again, he wished that he could call his father and tell him that he understood. That he knew what had driven him to do what he had done, time and time again. He wished that he could take back all of the harsh words that had been said between them. But, mostly, he wished that he could call Luke, just to tell him he loved him, and that he was forgiven.
I just wish I could've told him
In the living years
~*~
More crumbled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thoughts
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
"But that doesn't make any sense!" Lucky exclaimed as he looked at his father as Luke was pacing the the length of the club's office. "Why would she want to do such a foolish thing?"
"It makes perfect sense, my boy!" Luke replied before he threw himself on the desk in front of his son. "Think about it for a minute!"
"That's what I've been doing for the past hour and a half, in case you hadn't noticed!" Lucky snapped at his father. Luke was unrepentant, though, because he only grinned at his son.
"Look, Cowboy," Luke said as he sat on the chair in front of the desk, "follow me for a second. Okay? Stay with me."
Even though Lucky tried to stay with his father, he had the impression that all Luke was saying was gibberish. The more confused Lucky looked, the more it seemed like Luke twisted the explanation to confuse Lucky further What Luke was thinking was too far fetched, even for Helena. Finally, Lucky threw his hands up in the air in defeat and stood up.
"You know, dad," Lucky said as he walked to where his private bar was. He opened it and took out a bottle of water. He unscrewed the bottle and took a sip of the cool liquid as he turned his attention back to Luke. "I think that you're making this up as you go along," Lucky added after he swallowed the water.
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
"What the hell are you talking about, making it up as I go along?" Luke asked, more like roared at his grown son as he, too, stood up. He was clearly insulted by his son's insinuations. "You think that I'm so crazy that I can't read Helena's game plan anymore? I will have you know that I am perfectly capable of reading between her threats. I have been for most of my life!"
"What will it take for you to understand that I don't fucking care anymore?" Lucky asked, his voice raising a notch again. Luke just stared at him. In all the time they spent together throughout the years, throughout all of their fights, Lucky had never cursed at his father, not even after he had found out about the rape. Right now, though, he was so pissed that he just slammed the bottle down and walked out of the office, slamming the door, too, for good measure.
We all talk a different language
Talking in defense
~*~
Lucky woke up with a start, and he looked around, disoriented for a moment. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, before he turned around to look at the clock on the table by his bed. He groaned when he read 7:40 AM. He didn't have enough with 3 hours of sleep to get through the day. But he also knew that he would not be able to fall back asleep.
He got up and walked to the bathroom, where he relieved himself before he turned on the shower. After he got rid of his underwear, he pushed the curtain aside and stepped inside the small bathtub, shivering as the cold water hit his naked chest. Shoving his head under the shower spray, he tried to forget the images of his dream. They still haunted him, though, like ghosts inside his heart. Still today, he was sorry for what he had said to his father that day. His father had been wrong, but Lucky had figured out too late what his father had been trying to make him understand. And, because of that, Lucky hadn't been the one to pay, like Luke thought at the time.
Say it loud
Say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
Lucky turned off the water and walked out, wrapping a towel around himself. The overwhelming guilt was eating at his heart again, leaving him confused, disoriented and depressed. He looked at himself in the mirror, and he didn't like the man that was looking back at him. That man had big circles under his sad blue eyes. That man had lost weight and needed a haircut. But, mostly, that man needed to understand that it was time to move on.
'If only', Lucky thought as he sighed, 'If only I had one more time with him. One more hour. One more minute. For a hug. A smile. Anything. Then I would be able to snap out of this and get on with my life.'
It's too late
When we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
~*~
As Lucky drove to the Deception building with the firm intention of asking his mother out to breakfast, he looked around at the little town he had called home since he was 11 years old. He remembered with a fond smile how he had been anxious to know if they would stay here forever or if they would move again, and he chuckled as he remembered how happy he had been when Luke and Laura agreed that it was time to stop running so Lucky could have a normal life.
Normal life, what a joke, Lucky thought with a little bitterness as he stopped at a red light. He had been shot, leaving him paralyzed for a while. He had developed a gambling problem, nearly getting killed because of a debt. He had ran away with Emily Bowen to try and find her aunt after she had been adopted by the crazy Quartermaines, trying to get his parents back together. He fought with his brother, nearly killing him when he pushed him down the stairs. Those were only a few examples of what had happened to him in this town. And, what had changed his personality forever, he had been kidnapped and tortured for over 2 years. He stepped on the gas as the light turned green and he turned left at the next street, changing his direction for Kelly's instead of Deception.
When he finally arrived at the little restaurant, Lucky parked his car in the lot and walked inside.
The cool air was a shock after being in the hot summer morning. He sat at a table and hid behind a menu, looking over it for the person he had wanted to see. Elizabeth was behind the counter, slowly rubbing it clean with a dishcloth. Lucky smiled as he thought that she should be off of her feet, but she didn't want to.
When Elizabeth lifted her eyes, she saw a pair of blue eyes staring back at her. She smiled and dropped her cloth, before she wiped her hands on her apron and walked to him. "Good day, kind sir," she said with a smile, "what will it be today?"
"A chair for the lovely lady," Lucky answered with a smile as he pushed the chair towards Elizabeth. "Sit," he commanded when he saw she wasn't moving.
Elizabeth sighed and sat down, before she looked at him. "You're impossible," she said with a smile. "Did you come here to check up on me?"
"Yes, I did," Lucky nodded unrepentantly. "I want to make sure that the heir to the Spencer legacy gets plenty of rest. But he can't do that when mommy is always on her feet, can he?"
"Okay, you win," Elizabeth laughed. "But the baby and I are *fine*! And he isn't due for another three months, thank you very much."
"I know that," Lucky agreed as his eyes rested on her swollen abdomen. "How are you feeling?"
"Like I swallowed a beach ball," Liz sighed as she looked up at him, finally noticing the dark circles under his eyes. "You don't look so good, Lucky," she said quietly.
"You know me," Lucky tried to joke but it fell flat. "I've been having trouble sleeping," he finally admitted. "I keep dreaming about my dad. About that last day, when he tried to warn me about Helena's plans. I should've listened to him, Elizabeth!"
"Lucky," Elizabeth sighed, "we've already been through this. There was no way you could've known that this time he was right. He had been after you for a year, telling you about stuff Helena was getting ready for that never happened. How could you have known that this time he was right?"
Lucky lifted his eyes to meet hers again, and Elizabeth saw they were full of unshed tears. Her heart went out to him, and she reached to take his hand. Lucky took it away before she could touch him, and she sighed. He would never let himself be close to someone again. He was withdrawing inside himself, and she was worried about him.
When Lucky had come back and realized that everyone had accepted the impostor without questions, he had been hurt. Slowly, though, he had opened up to the people around him again, but he never went back to being the carefree young man he had been before he was kidnapped. The baby had been conceived that night, a thousand years ago, when Elizabeth and he had fallen in each other's arms for a last embrace, and they had ended up in bed together. They both realized that it had been a mistake, and agreed to stay friends, but when she realized she was pregnant she had contacted him again. They had agreed to raise the baby together, but not in the same house. Lucky would be a part of his son's life, but the child would have to realize from the start that his parents were not meant to be together. They both had changed too much to go back to the way they were.
But Lucky had changed even more after Luke's accident. He had become lonesome and depressed. Every time Elizabeth saw him he had lost even more weight, and his hair was getting longer.
"I should have known, Elizabeth," Lucky finally answered after he made sure that the tears wouldn't fall. "Dad and I, we had a connection," he said and joined his hands together in a demonstration of how he and Luke had been tied. "He always knew what I was thinking or feeling before I was even aware of it myself. And I could read his mind. But that day, in my office, I snapped. I cursed at him and walked away. I said I didn't care, Elizabeth. I said I didn't care, and now my father....." He stopped and looked down, and Elizabeth saw a tear fall on his lap. When he finally looked up at her again, his eyes were haunted. "The last time I saw my dad I told him that he was making this stuff up to feel important. He was fighting to keep me alive and I made fun of him!"
"Listen to me, Lucky," Elizabeth said as she reached over the table and took his chin in her hand, forcing his eyes to meet hers. "This isn't your fault. You are not to blame for what happened. There was no way you could've known. Now I want you to go home and get some rest. You don't stop anywhere. I will call you in 15 minutes and you better be home. You need to sleep. You are killing yourself over this."
"I can't sleep, Elizabeth," Lucky said in a calm and eerie voice. "I try. God knows, I try. But I always wake up, and then I can't go back to sleep."
"I don't care. You are going home, and straight to bed, even if I have to come and tuck you in myself. Come on," she said as she stood up and made sure he got on his feet. "15 minutes, Lucky. If you aren't home, the baby and I are coming after you."
"Wouldn't want that, would we?" Lucky asked with a ghost of a smile before he leaned down and gently kissed her cheek. "Stay off of your feet."
"As long as you stay in bed."
Lucky chuckled humorlessly and walked out the door. He knew that Elizabeth was right. He knew that he shouldn't have gotten out of bed so early this morning. He was tired. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. He got into his car and drove home, having none of the reminiscing thoughts that had plagued his mind on the way here. When he finally parked his car in the driveway and opened the door, he felt like his feet were weighing a thousand tons. He walked upstairs, Wonder on his heels, and he fell face down on the bed, not even bothering with undressing or even taking his shoes off. He turned his head around so he could breathe, as he wondered why he bothered. He closed his eyes and willed himself to stay still until he fell asleep.
~*~
So we open up the quarrel
Between the present and the past
"What? What if I walked out that door what would you do? Force me to stay? why? Because you are stronger then me? Say it"
"Why?"
"If you can't look me in the eye and tell me the truth, man, then we have nothing, we have less than nothing.
"Less than nothing. Is that so?"
"SAY IT!"
"Think that's gonna make you feel better? I promise you it won't"
"I wanna hear the words"
"Ok, a long time ago, long before you were born, in another life, I raped your mother"
"How?"
"You don't want to know"
"Yes I do, I want to know the big lie my whole life's been based on"
"There is no big lie! You were conceived, born and raised in love. Nothing but love. What happened a long time ago, and what's happen between us now are personal matters between a man and his wife and the darkest places in my soul are not yours to examine on demand!"
"You're just so full of crap. I never thought I would look into your eyes and hate you. But I do, and right now, I hate you more than anyone"
"Why?"
"Because you're a liar, and you're a hypocrite. Great story, dad. Makes me real proud."
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that last
~*~
So don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
"Yeah. I must have been. I was having a hell of a dream."
"I know. You dreamed about raping mom."
"How do you know what I was dreaming?"
"You said stuff."
"I only remember bits and pieces. Can you fill in some blanks?"
"Like I said, you were burning up, so I drove to the ranger station for something to break the fever. When I got back, you were--you were in the middle of something, sweating like a marathon runner, saying things to mom."
"Like what?"
"Couldn't catch all of it."
"What did I say, Lucky?"
"Well, from what I could tell, you were at the campus disco, just going through the whole thing again."
"Well, I'm sorry you had to hear whatever you heard."
"I'm not."
"Why not? Why not, cowboy?"
"Well, from what you mumbled, I just got a different look at where you're coming from, you know."
"Where am I coming from? I've tried for so long to forget all this. But I can't because I've always known what it was. Why do you think I see what I see when I look at your mother?"
"Someone who can love you anyway?"
"Yeah."
"Maybe you should be unconscious more often. You think clearer."
"What?"
"Just seemed like it was easier for you to tell the truth, you know. I was wrong, and you can't forget it, either."
"What are you saying?"
"Maybe one thing you said was true--this is between you and mom."
"I didn't expect you to be here when I came to. You more than did your part by taking me to the ranger station and bringing me back. I remember telling you you could go. Why'd you stay?"
"What, and miss out on your nightmare? You're the one who taught me information is power. Someone muttering in his sleep--that could prove useful down the line, don't you think?"
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up
And don't give in
You may just be okay
~*~
Lucky woke up with a start again, wondering what it was that had made him open his eyes when he heard it again. Wonder was barking. Downstairs. Barking furiously. He jumped out of bed, thanking God that he didn't take time to undress. He reached inside the drawer of the table by the bed and took out his hand gun. Making sure it was loaded and the safety was out, he walked downstairs slowly, avoiding the stair that made noises. Wonder was still barking furiously at the door and the knock was heard again, before the doorbell rang. Lucky put his back to the door and tossed the curtain aside to see who it was. "Damn," he muttered as he put his gun in the back of his pants and reached to unlock the door. As soon as he reached for the knob the door opened and Nikolas barged in without waiting to be invited.
"Where were you?" Nikolas asked as he looked at his brother.
"I was sleeping," Lucky groaned. "Some of us works nights, you know," he said angrily.
"Yes, I know," Nikolas answered, still looking at his brother. "But most of the people who work nights are awake by dinner time. You were suppose to meet me at the Outback an hour ago."
"Shit," Lucky muttered as he glanced at his watch. "7 O'CLOCK?"
"Yeah, what time did you think it was?" Nikolas asked, confused for a moment.
"I don't know, I went back to bed around 9 o'clock this morning. I thought it was around noon or something. I sure as hell didn't think I'd slept for 10 hours!"
"From what Elizabeth told me," Nikolas said in a soft voice, "you needed it."
Say it loud
Say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
"Yeah," Lucky sighed, thinking back to all the dreams that had plagued him the last few days. "I did. Thanks for worrying about me, man."
"You're my brother," Nikolas said simply. "I love you. I have to worry when you are slowly digging your own grave."
"Nah, it's not that bad," Lucky said, but even to his ears it sounded false. "If you don't mind, though, there is somewhere I have be tonight," he said and practically shoved his brother out the door. "I'll call you tomorrow and we'll go to dinner then, okay?"
It's too late
When we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
"Don't you dare go and do something stupid, Lucky," Nikolas said as Lucky was closing the door. "I MEAN IT!"
"I PROMISE," Lucky yelled back before he ran up the stairs two by two. He needed to change. He put on a clean pair of dress pants and a white dress shirt. He knew that he was being silly, but he couldn't stop himself. He combed his hair before he brushed his teeth, and he walked downstairs calmly. He knew what he had to do, and he knew how he wanted to do it.
Lucky locked the door behind him after making sure that Wonder relieved himself. He didn't know how long he would be gone. He walked to his car and got in, before he rested his head on the steering wheel for a minute or two. He took a deep breath and started the engine.
I wasn't there that morning
When my father passed away
He drove out of town, to a little secluded cemetery. Parking the car in the parking lot, he got out and took a deep breath. The sky was big and blue, but the sun was slowly setting. He walked in between the tombs until he reached the one he had come to see.
He knelt in front of it, oblivious to the dirt that was getting on his dress pants. He slowly passed a hand on the writings on the tombstone, letting his fingertips do the reading.
Lucas Lorenzo Spencer Senior
1949 -- 2003
"This is mearly a temporary setback."
Lucky chuckled at the inscription and looked up in the sky. "Nice place you've got here, dad," he whispered as he looked up at the clear sky. It was the first time that Lucky had come to his father's grave. He hadn't been able to do it before now.
When Lucky realized that Luke was dead, he had been in deep denial. Laura had seen Luke's body. He hadn't been bruised, or battered, or disfigured. He had died of a heart attack, but not before he had made sure to take Helena down with him. Laura had told Lucky that his father was really dead, but he kept believing that it was just a plot to try to take down the Spencers.
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
Maybe it had been because of what had been said the last time they had been together. About how Lucky had ridiculed Luke's words. He had needed to believe that his father was still alive so he could take back what had been said. He needed to tell his father that no matter what had happened throughout the years, Lucky still loved him more than anyone else, and that he was still Lucky's best friend.
"I know it took me a while to get my butt moving and come here," Lucky started as he stared at his father's resting place, "But you know me, always the last one to do everything," he tried to joke to ease some of the tension he was feeling. "I finally know it, dad," he whispered, his voice breaking under the strain of his heartbreak. "I finally know that you are never coming back. I think, I think I wasn't able to accept it because I can't picture my life without you in it. You know my soul, dad. You have more to do with who I am and who I'm going to be for the rest of my life than anyone. In fact, I didn't even know who I was, separate from you. Until my only choice was finding out. I found new things to call the best in you. And they're not pictures in my head this time. They're real. I want you to know that, dad. Because of all the stuff I said to you and the way I made you hurt. But how can I go on without having you there to give me advice? There are still so many things I need to learn, so many places you still have to show me." Lucky wiped a lone tear with his thumb and took a deep breath. "My son is going to be born soon. I don't know the first thing about being a dad, let alone be a great dad. I never, ever considered myself father material. I always thought you would be there to help me guide my child through life. I need you to teach him about Blues, and cigars, and women, just like you did with me."
Lucky stopped to catch his breath, but a sob came out and the tears that he had been holding inside of him finally fell in a torrent down his cheeks. "I need you, dad. Plain and simple. I am so sorry that I have wasted so much time hating you after I found out about the rape, and then again by pushing you away after I've come back when I escaped Helena. But I have to believe that, wherever you are, you have finally found the peace you always searched for down here."
Finding it harder to talk when he was crying so hard, Lucky stopped to take deep breaths. "Keep looking over me," he whispered brokenly, his fingers tenderly caressing the cold granite. "I love you, dad. I might be taller now, but you are my hero. You were the role model in this family. Thank you for loving me so completely."
~*~
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
"He sure is mad," Lucky grinned at an exhausted Elizabeth as the doctor took their baby away right after he was born. The boy's cries echoed loud in the sterile hospital delivery room. "Thank you for my son," he whispered as he looked down at Elizabeth with a tender smile on his face.
"Thank you for my son," she echoed with a tired smile as she met his eyes, and she turned her head away to see where her son was now. The nurse brought him to his parents after she weighted him and cleaned him, and she put him in his mother's awaiting arms. "Oh, Lucky," she whispered as she gazed down at her son's now calmed face, "isn't he beautiful?"
"He is the cutest bundle of blankets I ever saw," Lucky teased with a smile as he reached to take the blanket out of the boy's face so he could see him better. "Hey, there, Luke," he murmured tenderly. "You made quite an entrance, didn't you?" Lucky added as the boy started to cry again. "May I?" he asked Elizabeth shyly and she reluctantly gave him the baby. It wasn't that she didn't trust Lucky to hold his son, she just didn't want to let go of him yet.
Lucky walked away from Elizabeth's bed, trying to calm his fussing son. "Don't cry, Cowboy," he whispered tenderly. He knew that a new born could not see, but, as the baby's gaze met his own, Lucky could've sworn the baby was looking right at him.
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
Lucky felt a sob rise in his chest, and he smiled through his tears. He told himself that he was just being silly, that it was just the emotions of rushing Elizabeth to the hospital after her water broke, and he told himself that it was just the tiredness of staying awake through 20 hours of labor, but he couldn't help but whisper "Welcome back, dad. I'm sure we'll have as much fun this time."
"What are you telling our new born son, Lucky?" Elizabeth teased from her bed as she tried to sit up to be able to see them better.
"Oh, nothing," Lucky whispered, mentally shaking his head at the silliness he had just whispered. His son had a soul of his own. Whatever he thought he saw had just been a flicker of his over tired imagination. "Lucas Lorenzo Spencer the third." He said out loud as he watched his son's face change and the room was filled, once again, with angry cries. "Ready or not, here he comes."
I just wish I could've told him
In the living years
The end