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Injured Towel Fighter
By Tim Yandow

Justin Knowles, one of the faithful founders of ffftowel fighting, has competed in more than twenty matches since the development of this new sport and is currently ranked 2nd place in the towel fighting confederation. Justin's longest organized match was 5 minute and 59 second against the undefeated Tim Yandow. Justin has often said, "I love the sport and the towel like a disgruntled galalopy in heat loves its mate." He recently finished a tournament with a successful 4-1 record in the 165lb weight class, but recently he has taken a temporary leave from towel fighting because of an injury he sustained during a prize fight against Ricardo Gonzales.

Justin had the match of his life against Ricardo Gonzales, the Castrated Cuban Catastrophe, a prize fighter and male model extraordinaire. Ricardo Gonzales is the master of the Jacki Chan lever thrust. The thrust is a variation on the basic Jacki Chan and is performed by executing many rapid back flips in combination with the Jacki Chan. The origin of this beast are unknown, but it is likened to that of a towel fighting hell.

The Blue Cross Arena was the site of the bout and spectators filled the seats like crazy bees in a hive. The towel was set, Cuban Style, in the teeth like a cigar and the referee sounded the start of the match. Each having a deep respect for the other, the fight began with two minutes of windmilling and jack-hammering, both knowing that the first move would be quickly countered. Ricardo was very good at waiting. He waited months for the boat to reach the tip of Florida more than once during his constant attempts to illegally immigrate to the United States.

Eventually Justin attempted the drive through on Ricardo and Gonzales reversed it performing Jackie Chan. He followed through to the lever thrust, catapulting Justin Knowles into the department of immigration table which was waiting for Ricardo to finish the match. Justin’s Acromioclavicular tendon in his shoulder was violently severed by the edge of the table. Justin ever the diehard towel fighter pulled out his trusty sewing kit and patched himself up to continue the match. In a fit of rage, Justin killed, yes killed, Ricardo Gonzales with (Editor’s Note: this section has been removed following review by the United Cuban Committee.) After reviewing the match, Ricardo was deemed the winner because in the process of severing Ricardo’s head, Justin’s hands left the towel. In Ricardo’s dying breath he managed to gasp out, "I win sucka." Services will be held in Ricardo’s hometown of Pantalones de Gato on Monday December 24th.

Later asked by reporters how and why he did it Justin only replied "I just love the sport, and Ricardo seriously jeopardized my ability to fight. As to how I did it well I grabbed his (Editor’s Note: this section has been removed following review by the United Cuban Committee.)"

In any case, Justin remains out of contention with a strained Acromioclavicular tendon tendon and does nothing but watch movies. However, he looks forward to the day he can fight again.


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