*The assignment was to write a paper about how my writing style developed over the years. That’s the kind of class it was, a poo in your mouth and ask how it tastes class. This is probably a severely edited version, seeing as it is not swamped with cussing, and I can locate only a minimal number of lower mammalian lifeforms.*

 

Paper 1: Plinkus the Valuable Whale

Richard Hey, do you think she’s cute?

Richard 2 Yeh, but is that what’s really important?

Richard No, but it’s certainly a factor in perception.

Richard 2 I suppose you’re right, but don’t you agree that a woman’s appeal is altered by her actions?

Richard You mean a cool girl is more attractive than a bitch with a great body?

Richard 2 Not more attractive but more appealing.

Richard Ooh, this smells like a goat.

This process of exploring myself via mindsurfing predated my writing. Thus, writing and linguistics have always been very natural for me. I wouldn’t say that writing has led to discoveries of myself, but rather that it has refined and detailed them. I’ve always known myself and my opinions quite well. I attribute this to the conversations I have with myself, such as the one that began this luscious paper (and yes, it’s quite luscious indeed). Now don’t assume that this paper is about the conversations I have with myself; this is only base knowledge necessary to get a true feel for the development of my writing process.

Once I began to write voluntarily, which was around fifteen years old, I was able to explore my mind. I discovered that writing alleviates mental pressure just as exercise relieves physical stress. I truly enjoy writing in my spare time. Don’t get me wrong; I realize writing can be frustrating, especially that formal bullshit, but when approached with confidence (and a little cocaine), it can unveil some pretty interesting, previously hidden thoughts. The process of identifying and analyzing these thoughts is key to my writing style.

A very important step in my writing process, if not the most important, is jotting down ideas that come to me during the course of the day. Some of the coolest thoughts come to me when I’m staring at that chick’s ass while I’m waiting for the bus or when I’m picking greasy lint from the crevice of my funk-encrusted belly button. If I have paper, I’m sure to write these ideas down. If not, I let them cycle through my head; they’re bound to resurface sometime. The ideas’ written form can be in a scribbling, a seemingly disjunctive sentence, or a lengthy essay. An excerpt from one of my old notebooks reads "hang onto reality 30 seconds then veteran, fight best part." I’ll explore a possible application for this thought in a moment.

Despite the slowing of my writing pace in the recent past, I still find the time to write recreational shit sometimes, mostly fictional stories. While I’m developing these stories, my notebooks of ideas are critical to their development. An old idea can often times spark my mind and beat the crap out of writer’s block and its mother.

Let’s say I’m writing a story about two acidheads. Everything’s going along great, words are flowing onto the paper, and then whump- I run over another damn midget (more commonly referred to as getting writer’s block). I can’t think of what else my main characters, Happy Bill and The Legendary Spider Monkey (a.k.a. The Leg), can talk about. They’ve already discussed the 23rd variety of Astromorphs and Plinkus the Valuable Whale. What else can they possibly have to say to each other before returning to their places of habitation? Rather than stare at all those blank lines ahead and become super-duper angry, frustrated, or even overwhelmed, I simply refer to an old idea in one of my notebooks. I’ll use the example from above in this case. Happy Bill can tell The Legendary Spider Monkey about the acid he took at the concert Friday night. "I tripped my nuts off ," says Happy Bill, "if you can hang onto reality for 30 seconds on this shit, you’re a veteran; the fight’s the best part." Happy Bill is simply commenting on the quality of the LSD he recently ingested. "The fight" of course represents the transcendence into an acid-induced surreality.

Does the original meaning of the excerpt I used correspond with its new context? Hell if I know, probably not. I must emphasize this importance of allowing an idea to run its course. Don’t restrict yourself to one particular interpretation of Thompkins just because you’ve already met Kyle Thompkins; Allow Thompkins to be Kyle Thompkins, Andriette Zague Thompkins, or whatever Thompkins he wants to be.

In personal writing, many thoughts are better than fewer, more-defined ones. Sometimes I record ideas so I can read them later and rethink my past thoughts. I do not, however, confine myself to this. I generally write in abbreviations and symbols. The object is to hastily transfer thoughts to paper to insure that one thought is not lost in the next. I have no regards for whether or not someone else can understand my scribe; my notebooks are for me, no one else.

Not all writing assignments allow the freedom to write as I have explained. In fact, most don’t even involve midgets or dwarves, a sad reality. All methods I have described in this brilliantly constructed and informative paper can be applied to formal writing, but the situations generally need to be altered. Introducing Plinkus the Valuable Whale into an expository paper dealing with the hardships faced by homeless schizophrenics would hardly be appropriate (although it would be amusing). Similarly, it’s generally not a good idea to compare the Sumerians to that runny diarrhea you had last Tuesday on a history final (dangling modifier my ass). Many times I can simply make slight alterations in an idea from a notebook to relate it to how the white dog symbolized that punk's wife or other such literary comparison crap. In other instances, none of my writing corresponds to my assignment. In cases of extreme emergency like this, I simply go to the cow pasture in my mind; an assignment plus constrictions equals bullshit. Don’t get me wrong-bullshit can be nice. I met some the other day and we got drunk together.

I’ve learned to alleviate pain by approaching Formal assignments informally. I can write using my voice and then give the whole operation an overhaul in the revision process. I don’t worry about oddities, miscommunication, bizarre structure, weak transitions, crude language, or even the presence of a concluding paragraph in my first couple of drafts. Upon the finalizing my product, I edit out any extraneous weirdness and clarify select portions of text.

My writing process developed through my particular style of thinking. It is the transference of thought to paper that is crucial to my writing. Anytime I am thinking, wherever I may be, I make sure to write my ideas down. I value quantity over quality when brainstorming for ideas; when created in a non-constrictive environment, ideas are easily adaptable to fit most any form of writing, recreational or formal, and serve as great deterrents to the vehicular homicide of midgets. In order to instill motivation, I take a laid back, honest approach to first drafts and edit out any informalities later. Also, it’s important to keep in mind that bullshit is not always bad. It is through the bullshit of this world that I have been able to discover my true voice. Moreover, juxtaposed with some people’s bullshit writing, mine almost resembles that of a semi-intelligent, babbling simian.