John

Back in the summer I started getting these really cryptic e-mails from some guy named "John". Says he thought that playing games to trade swats sounded neat and he wanted to get together. The messages had a lot of misspellings and abreviations, and sometimes hardly made sense. I always reply when someone's suggesting they want to get involved in some paddle play, but some of these guys want to get into all kinds of play. Some are just playing with you sending messages. So I want to know who this is. Tell me about you. Tell me where you are. How you know about me. Whether you've done this stuff before.

Not getting much back, just funny short messages. Then explains he's writing on his cell phone. Has to get to a PC to give me more information. Lives in Georgia but has relatives live close to me. When he comes to visit wants to get together. Play around with my paddle. Sure OK. Then the messages stop.

Two weeks ago. Another funny message. He'll be in my area "next week", couldn't we get together. Had forgotten, who are you? Oh, the guy who writes on the cell phone. Finally decide, ok, we meet at the usual fast food place, just to check to see we don't have a murderer on our hands. Then a last minute message that "next week" is in a week yet. So another week goes by, then check are we getting together. Yes. Then the day, the time comes. Get an e- mail, busy with family for the moment, can we play it "by ear". Forget it. What's by ear, sit around waiting. So hours later, check e-mail, turns out two hours ago, two hours late he's headed out to the fast food to meet. Then a message saying he'd waited, I didn't show, how's tomorrow morning? Well, tomorrow wasn't going to work, so how about the next day.

Cut this short, finally we get it together. 8:30 in morning, What a way to start the day. How was I to recognize him? His profile says he looks like a professor. When I had asked him he said he had tatoos, piercings and multiple scars and weighed 350. My kind of guy, right? A joker. Well, turns out, could be be a professor, 6' 160 lbs, good beard, still got a good head of hair at 50. Great smile, with eyes that smile. Good jokes. Most responses are with a laugh. Probably some nervousness.

Back to my house. Same game you've heard described a dozen times before. He seems to enjoy that I'm pulling cards that are getting me lots of swats, again and again. He likes my paddles a lot. But the tables turn. Doesn't seem all that eager to take his. Enjoys the idea of side bets before you draw cards to double the number of swats. No problem taking off clothes for equal draws. Down to bare butt, play guess the paddle. Go down the line 16 different paddles, not all paddles, back and forth, he takes one, I take one. Really laying them on. Then looks at the clock he needs to be going, but wants a send off, he picks the paddle, Big Blue, big round flat one. Wants me to just pound away at him. Could we try it over the knee? So I sit up on the table with his bare butt looking up at me and just lay on stroke after stroke with Old Blue. Some real hard ones, he took some deep breathes. Then some little taps, then rub the paddle back and forth and around across his butt. Trying to judge whether he's had enough. He sighs. Asks that I keep going till he tells me to stop. Really takes a lot. Butt is very sore looking. Says he's had a very good time. Pulling on our pants. He asks for five more real hard with the big old heavy paddle, home made. The one with the holes. Across his jeans. And so I gave him five of my best. He gave me his big smile and said it was great. Loves the sound of paddles.

Has to get on the road. Says next time his relatives get a visit hopes we can get together again. So long, Mike.

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