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OK,..My childhood wasn't soo great. I was a pawn in my mom's quest for freedom. My mom met my dad at a bar, saw him as an escape from her dreary life & picked him up. He was already divorcing his wife,( sadly leaving behind 5 kids ) He tried but just couldn't take any more, she was a hardcore alcoholic. Mom was cute, 25yrs younger & eager to show him how manly he still was. Mom saw how hung up he was & used it to lure him away. She has actually admitted all since. She got pregnant on purpose because she knew he wouldn't ditch her. So,.he decided to leave StStephen & come to SJ to start over fresh. She came w/him. I came along on a rainy day in November, 1975. They were living in a bachelor apt in the slums. After awhile they DID get better accomadations but not by much,..bigger but still nasty. My mom cheated on Dad from day 1. A few times a month at 1st but after a bit,..a few times a week. She'd leave me w/him sometimes but usually took me 2 her lovers places. She would sometimes have violent mood swings & beat the holy hell outta me,..& sometimes my Dad too. He didn't want to stay w/her, by then he realized the mistake he'd made but this WAS the 70s,..he knew the courts would either have taken me away to "care" or given me to her, he also realized that if SHE kept me, I woulda died. So he stayed on, did his best & tried to teach me how to "close it out". He worked full time as a warehouseman so he was constantly in fear of getting the "phonecall" about mom or me being hurt or worse but thankfully it never happened. When I was 4 she decided 2 seperate from Dad 4 a bit,..we moved to StStephen. He stayed here. THAT was horrible! She'd leave me alone in the rooms we had for a nite,..sometimes more w/nothing to eat & no way to even turn the lights on while she went to the tavern or w/her lovers. She was a drunk & an addict. ( We've since learned that she is also bi-polar as well).I was emotionally & physically abused by her & some of her friends a great deal. Soon she tired of not having the money she had w/dad so we came home after only a few months away. The house dad lived in burned down THAT nite! I was scared. We moved on though, resilient. A few more years of the same old stuff happening, the booze, drugs, mood swings, beatings, whatnot. In May '82 mom announced that she was pregnant again. Dad knew it wasn't his, they hadn't been "that way" in over a year but he took on the baby like it was his own. My sister arrived when I was 7. I loved her dearly but mom used her to hurt me. Mom would hit me or be mean to me then laugh at me & give "lil sis" things & love right in front of me. I never held it against her tho. She was an innocent, just like me. When I was 12 I ran away & ended up living w/Dad's X-wife for a while but that didn't work out so I came home. I began running away anywhere I could after that, basically I became a street-kid. Crashing wherever I could. Coming home for clothes then gone again. Mom didn't care & Dad couldn't do much. I got my own apartment w/a girl-pal when I was 15 & never looked back. I got pregant w/my 1st daughter @16, a rape baby, but I started going out with a guy I knew & trusted who wanted me & my baby. We moved in together & ended up having another baby quite soon after. 13 1/2 mths apart they were born! When I was 18, living common-law & had 2 babies, my mom finally left my dad, abandoning my baby sister as well. We weren't sad tho, it was the best thing that happened to ALL of us. My "husband" & I split, he was a workaholic, I was a kid & I couldn't handle the pressure of trying to mother him & 2 babies. I was diagnosed w/acute stress/anxiety disorder by then & had to leave, he wouldn't go to counselling. We went thru a horrible custody battle & I stepped down, I couldn't handle the babies having all that mudslinging & he had 2 jobs & a house, the best I could offer was welfare. I gave up. I moved in temporarily with my dad & sister until I could find myself again. So,...turning 19, with a life behind me already that some middle age people never have to go thru,.. on my own again,..I was scared to death but ready to see around the next bend,... |
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