as I grovel in my own screwups
My determination to live dissolves slowly
happiness deep within long to shine
The abhorrence slowly takes over my body,
mind, and soul
it is larger than the instance of warmth
found at the bottom of my cold, dark heart; like an evil murmur, a shadowed melody
Lonliness engulfing my spirit
overpowering my self control
longing for the love of another
immuned to pain, learning the routine; it blocks out any passion
that comes near it
Love comes with issues
I will always suffer these
rejecting the pain, the tears, blocking out the whole aspect
Therefore, I deny you
I have learned how to know when you lie
Realize when you cheat, reducing vulnerability
I learn to accept when you don't love me, and go on
But most of all, I've learned that love is the most disturbing thing, I'm not afraid to cry
I cower in a corner, thinking about my useless soul
how I can never do anything right, I'm a failure
Mostly, about how I love so much, and no one returns it
The stage of tears, sorrow, and hurt; yet again I fill this role