it's the
THE FIRST ANNUAL COMPLETELY POINTLESS TRANSDIS AWARDS! WITH PENGUINS!!

Welcome to this totally un-starstudded and unnecessary award ceremony, where winners of each category are awarded with a virtual Transdis Penguin Award (just because) for their excellence in whatever it is they are excellent for or something.

and the first category!

THE AWARD FOR THE MOST RIGHTEOUS SINGLE OF 2002!
WINNER: 'One By One' - Foo Fighters
This single had everything. It was Queens of the Stone Age, it was the Foo Fighters AND it was Nirvana slam packed into one air punching hard rockin' amigo of a song. It was Saturday night to Coldplay's dreary Sunday morning. Completely brilliant return to form, but shame the whole album rock quite like this. Sweet video too.
RUNNERS UP:
'American English' - Idlewild' 'Rudd' - Ikara colt 'Don't Mug Yourself' - The Streets 'Dreaming Of You' - The Coral.

THE AWARD FOR THE MOST RIGHTEOUS LONG PLAYER OF 2002!
WINNER: 'Chat And Business' - Ikara colt
We're making this number one, despite its flaws, because no other fucker will. It deserves more recognition that just being snuck safely into the bottom of everyone's top 50 list. We know there have been better albums this year, but non with as much balls and anger as the colt.
RUNNERS UP:
'The Remote Part' - Idlewild, 'Orginal Pirate Material' - The Streets, 'Lifted...' - Bright Eyes, 'Turn On The Bright Lights' - Interpol.

THE AWARD FOR THE MOST RIGHTEOUS PROMO VIDEO OF 2002!
WINNER: 'American English', 'Live In A Hiding Place' - Idlewild
American English had the pretty fireworks (although now out-fireworked by Audioslave) and Live In a Hiding Place was directed by ace film maker Wim Wenders. Plus, y'know, it had Roddy Woomble dressed up as a cowboy. We could never get bored of that.
RUNNERS UP: 'Someday' - The Strokes (because Slash is in it) 'Danger! High Voltage!' - Electric Six (the campest, most sinister video ever) 'One By One' - Foo Fighters


THE AWARD FOR THE MOST RIGHTEOUS FILM OF 2002!
WINNER: Donnie Darko D. Richard Kelly
Mr. Kelly, it could be no other, we must honour you with this penguin. Donnie Darko is almost perfect. it's dark. it's funny. it's a love story. it's a fear story. and it has a bloke in a rabbit suit. Deeply layered, and most confusing (till you hear some movie geek explain all about groundhog loops and alternate universes) and the soundtrack! oh the sountrack - glorious 80's pop nuggets from Echo & the Bunnymen, Duran Duran, Tears For Fears and Joy Divison, and the haunting cover of 'Mad World' by Gary Jules.
RUNNERS UP:
Spider-man, Mullholland Drive, Bowling For Columbine, Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers.

THE WE LOVE THIS FUCKING TOUR AWARD FOR THE MOST LOVED FUCKING TOUR OF THE YEAR!
WINNER: The We Love This Fucking Tour Tour
with The Eighties Matchbox B-line Disaster, The Parkinson, Ikara colt and plenty of spit and beer.


THE AWARD FOR SWEETEST VENUE!
WINNER: Bristol Louisiana
it's the size of a lunchbox, has a nice carpet, and you can stay around downstairs after for a drink without some big fat sweaty person trying to kick you out. And no bag searches either.
RUNNER UP:
Wolverhampton Wulfrun - in April it felt like home


THE AWARD FOR UN-SWEETEST VENUE!
WINNER: The ICA, London
personal experience. nasty place.
RUNNER UP:
Bristol Academy - £3.10 for a vodka and coke you fuckers!


THE AWARD FOR MOST INVENTIVE STAGE DECORATION!
WINNER: British Sea Power
who created a foggy forest of real tree branches and plastic birds




THE AWARD FOR WHAT MADE US NOT PUT A VIDEO ON INSTEAD!
WINNER: Six Feet Under, shown on Channel Four sometime this year
How could anything set in a morgue be funny we pondered. After the first episode we pondered no more. genius on a stick. Come on we want to second series on terrestrial.
RUNNER UP: Freaks And Geeks, shown on E4 sometime this year (OK, so they were repeats but it's still the best programme ever that nobody watches.)


THE TRANSDIS AWARD FOR RETARD OF THE YEAR!
WINNER: George Dubyah Bush
an obvious choice, but really, is there anyone more retarded? In special honour of Dubyah, this award will be renamed 'THE GEORGE DUBYAH BUSH AWARD FOR RETARD OF THE YEAR'. Brings a tear to our collective eyes. Have a penguin.
RUNNER UP:
Whoever it was who decided a sequel to Dude Where's My Car? was a good idea.

THE YOU GO TO HELL, YOU DIE AND YOU GO TO HELL AWARD!
WINNER: Coldplay.
the mere mention of their name brings despair into our hearts. How could anyone fall for that dullest of dull bands. And yet people do, people we respect do. Some people even made the fetit tramp sick that is their latest album record of the year. And we just cant figure it out. THEY ARE SO FUCKING BORING. And they made Bob leave idlewild.
RUNNER UP: Puddle Of Mudd. (Nickleback you can laugh at, Puddle Of Mudd defy even that.)

THE AWARD FOR THE PERSON WE MOST WISH RULED THE WORLD!
WINNER: Micheal Moore
We love him. 'Bowling For Columbine' flicked a fat one at many people we hate. Thus respect.
RUNNER UP: Sharon Osbourne (we know a lot of people are sick to death of The Osbournes, but we still think she's damn cool.)


well, we're almost at the end of our completely pointless little award ceremony. We hoped you had fun, or at least bothered to read this far. But time now for one last very special award...

THE AGENT COOPER THUMBS UP AWARD FOR BEING MOST EXCELLENT TO US THIS YEAR!
WINNER: Hall Or Nothing press.
thank you thank you thank you!! We owe them a hell of a lot, our first interview, free gigs, things like that, and we'd like to say Hall Or Nothing are the fastest, most informative, friendliest press people we've dealt with. Two thumbs up and a cherry pie.

words: Rachel.