| Klinger's Crazy Stunts |
| Whenever someone finds out my favorite show is M*A*S*H, they usually ask who my favorite character is. I never have really had a favorite character, but I usually say Klinger. He is, in my opinion, a large part of the comedy of M*A*S*H. People who don't watch M*A*S*H much always say, "Is that the guy with the dresses?" People who watch M*A*S*H all the time always just look at me and smile. I wonder why? |
| We all know Klinger wore women's clothing. Some of us might not know why. Klinger hated the army. He was always trying to get discharged from the army by getting a Section 8, which means he is crazy. Klinger would do almost anything to get out. |
| Here are some things that Klinger did to try to get out of the army: -wore women's clothes (obviously) -dressed as the Statue of Liberty -tried to eat a jeep -dressed as a nun -by being Zoltan, the King of the Gypsies -dressed as Moses -pretended he was in Toledo -on a very hot day, he dressed in a rubber suit and fur coat -tried to escape in an inflatable raft -pole-sitting in cold weather -appeared nude on Sophie -flying away on a hang glider (he looked like a "big red bird with fuzzy pink feet") -kissed several generals and colonels -acting like he loved the army, then acting like he was Queen of the Nile -sent love letters and flowers to several generals and colonels -tried to eat enough to weigh too much to be in the army -tried using voodoo on Colonel Potter -after regain his hearing, acting like he was deaf again -volunteering to go to Rainbow Bridge -being pregnant -trying to get a hardship discharge for various people dying and being pregnant -pretending to set himself on fire -trying to convince people he was the yellow-scarfed Toledo strangler of female motorcycle cops -saying his blood pressure is really high (240/360) -touching up an X-ray to make it seem like he had scleriosis -having fake fainting spells -forging papers -refuses to be cured from a disease he got by standing outside in the cold with just shorts on -acted as a Communist -tried to join the Navy -hide himself as shubbery and tried to sneak out -acted as a Korean woman to sneak out -carried Radar's teddy bear -tried to go to West Point -tried to get out as the hostage of a soldier trying to get out -dressed as a MP and tried to get a transfer -tried to bribe the colonel -acted like he was taking care of a camel -appearing nude in front of a general |
| Patient, seeing Klinger: "Doc, how come my nurse needs a shave?" |
| Radar, seeing Klinger in pants: "Don't I know your sister?" |
| (Klinger goes hang-gliding past in a housecoat and slippers.) Hawkeye:"Did you see that?" Nurse: "What?" Hawkeye: "A big red bird with fuzzy pink feet." Trapper: "Hawkeye, did you see that?" Hawkeye: "What did you see?" Trapper: "A big red bird with fuzzy pink feet!" Hawkeye to the nurse: "See?" |
| Frank: "Klinger! I want to see you out of that dress!" Klinger: "Never on a first date, sir!" |
| Frank: "What are those earrings doing in your ears?" Klinger: "Just hanging there, sir." |
| B. J.: "Some guys'd shoot themselves in the foot to get sent home." Klinger: "Not me! I'd ruin a perfectly good pair of nylons!" |
| Potter: "Klinger, how can you be king of the gypsies when you're Lebanese?" Klinger: "Good question. I was stolen from the gypsies by two ruthless Lebanese peasants who brought me up as their own flesh and blood." Hawkeye, enjoying himself: "I like this!" |
| Radar: "Hi Klinger, how's it going?" Klinger: "I'm eating a jeep." Radar: "Good." |
| Klinger: "Colonel, I missed you!" Potter: "No." Klinger: "About my heart murmer, Sir." Potter: "No." Klinger: "My double vision is coming back." Potter: "No." Klinger: "I've fallen in love with a goat!" Potter: "No." Klinger: "Glad to have you back, Sir." |
| Potter: "I've got a soft spot for Klinger. He looks a little like my son and he dresses a lot like my wife." |
| Henry: "Klinger, it's my considered opinion that no one is going to believe you are pregnant" |
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