| Other Quotes |
| We moved all of the main character's quotes to their pages, so these are just the quotes of minor characters or dialogues involving many characters. |
| Major Sidney Theodore Freedman “Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice" "I'd love to analyze you all, but I've had no training in child psychology." "Anger turned inward is depression. Anger turned sideways is Hawkeye" "You dream to escape, but the war invades your dream and you wake up screaming. The dream is peaceful. Reality is the nightmare." The 4077 PA "Attention all personnel. Come one, come all to a wake for the late, great Captain Pierce. We'll be mourning all afternoon and evening. The deceased will deliver the eulogy, and the guests will have twenty minutes for rebuttal." "Attention all personnel. Due to conditions beyond our control, we regret to announce that lunch is now being served." PA: “Attention all personnel... Hill 205 has been overrun, prepare for incoming casualties.” Hawkeye: “I thought the PA was broken.” PA: “Oh yeah, I forgot, the PA is working again.... For some reason.” Hawkeye: “Thank you” "Attention all personnel. Because of the epidemic, tonight's broken film which has not arrived yet is cancelled. A reminder from Colonel Blake, due to the flu kindly refrain from kissing anyone unless absolutely necessary." "Attention. Here's a bulletin from the truce talks at Panmunjon: after six weeks of negotiation, the U.N. and North Korea have agreed that flagpoles in the peace compound are to be thirty-two feet, six and one quarter inches high. World leaders hail this agreement as an important step toward lasting peace" "Due to the number of people bored last Sunday, next Sunday will be canceled." "Tonight's war department film on how to lead a good clean life has been cancelled due to unusually heavy indifference." "Attention all personnel. Please contact Colonel Blake if anyone knows the whereabouts of tonight's entree. In the meantime, please be on the lookout for a while caucasian lamb. He is reported to be unarmed and considered to be delicious." "All personnel must begin sleeping together tonight. Check bulletin board to determine the sex of your tent." Colonel Sam Flagg "Don't play dumb. You're not as good at it as I am." "...it's the duty of every real American to be on the lookout for goldbricks, pinko's and fellow travelers. 'Course without the likes of Americans like you the jobs of Americans like me would be a lot more difficult. But don't get me wrong, Americans like me like difficult jobs. So don't get the idea you're doing the CIA any favors. We don't really need Americans like you, we don't need anybody." Flagg: CIA doesn't supersede anyone's orders. Frank: Except the president's. Flagg: Give us time. Flagg: I want to make a call. Henry: Can I get the number for you? Flagg: I don't know the number. Henry: Well, then, how can you make the call? Flagg: I have to throw up. The number's in a capsule. Henry: Well. I'll just run along. Flagg: Let me tell you something. I have a complete record on you. I know every move you make, everything there is to know about you, so watch your step, Hunnicut! Hawkeye: I'm Pierce! Flagg: Fine. You want to call yourself Pierce, I can play that game too. "Don't kid with me, I have no sense of humor" Flagg: That all depends on HQ. Henry: HQ Flagg: Why did you say HQ? Whoever told you about HQ? Henry: Well, you told me, Colonel Flagg. Flagg: Who's Colonel Flagg? Dialogues of the many... [As the surgeons operate on an eight-year-old Korean girl] Potter:Someone dropped a bomb on her building from an airplane. Pilot: Who did it? Hawkeye: He just dropped it. He didn't autograph it. Pilot: Was it one of theirs or one of ours? Hawkeye: What difference does it make? Pilot: A lot. It makes a lot of difference. Potter: Not to her. Trapper: They got a lot of guts. Hawkeye: And they keep serving them. Flagg: Now you took a yellow Red before a white American which is pretty Pinko. Hawkeye: You're even boring in Technicolor. Rizzo: Just how stupid do you think I am? Charles: An adjective fails me. BJ (To Charles): Bless you anyway, creep. Mulcahy: I believe it’s ‘God bless you creep’. BJ: “Amen, Father. Hawkeye: Which dunderhead are you talking about? Margaret: I-COR. Hawkeye: Oh, the head dunderheads. Frank (After Hawkeye smacks his head): Didja get it? Hawkeye: Get what? Radar: Sir....Hawkeye Hawkeye: Thanks for the knighthood. Radar: Huh?? Radar: Sir, I was just crossing the compound. Frank: I have no interest in the compound. Klinger: He has no compound interest. Klinger: I wish I had your brains BJ: I wish I had your beauty Klinger: There is that "May I introduce our company commander, Col. Potter and our company clerk, Cpl. Klinger." "Cardinal." "Corporal." "Captain." "Chaplain." "Corporal." "Captain." "Colonel." "Cardinal." "Corporal...” -A Lot of people General McArthur's aide: When answering, always use general's full name: "Yes, general McArthur", "No, general McArthur", "Thank you, general McArthur". Trapper: God Almighty. Hawkeye: Close, very close. Margaret: The you agree I am fat? Frank: Oh, Margaret, not fat fat, you are halfway between fat and thin, leaning a little bit not to the fat, but, rather, the thin side of fat. Henry: Why don't you call me Henry, for Pete's sake? Margaret: That's really swell of you, Pete. General Steele: You are insubordinate! Hawkeye: Right! Gen. Steele: You are insolent! Hawkeye: Right! And you are nuts! Margaret: I don't know which one of you is more obscene. Trapper (pointing to Hawkeye): He is. We took a poll. Col.Flagg: Who is your second in command? Trapper: Frank Burns, M.D. Hawkeye: Maniac Depressive, it's an honorary title. Sergeant: All right, what's in the package? Hawkeye: Ribs from Chicago. Sgt: Adam's Ribs? Trapper: Oh God, he's one of you. Nurse: Does anyone know where the vascular clamps are? B.J.: Yeah, they're in a box of things you can't swallow. Nurse: It's gonna take me a long time to learn this system. Hawkeye, can I read the label on that box? "Surgical stuff and purple things"? BJ: The tent is spinning around. Hawkeye: Which way? BJ: Clockwise. Hawkeye: Mine is going counterclockwise. Maybe together we are sober. Frank: I am here to relieve you. Hawkeye: You do resemble an enema. Potter: As you were! Hawkeye: I'm always as I were, but thanks anyway Mulcahy: Good news! No more wounded! Potter: Thank Heaven. Mulcahy: And the manager thereof. Potter: Can't you see he's just trying to boost morale. Burns: There's nothing wrong with my morale. I love it here. Potter: Either you or Klinger is nuts. Now I have to decide which one Hawkeye: Nwersu, Nwerse Nurse: Did you call me doctor? Hawkeye: Why would I call you nurse, I'm the surgeon. Margaret: What's keeping the old coot?! Potter: The old coot's here. Magaret: I'm sorry sir. Potter: I know, it was meant in an affectionate way. Margaret: Morphine Hawkeye: No thanks, I've had enough. Hawkeye: Did you talus? Margaret: No, I'm keeping it a secret. Hawkeye: Sulfa, where's the sulfa? Margaret: It's in the living room. Hawkeye: What?" Margaret: The sulfa is in the Living Room between the end tables. Hawkeye: Margaret, you made a joke. Margaret: I told you, I was tired. Margaret: You're not jealous? Frank: I'm a doctor, Margaret. But I swear, if I caught you with another man I'd blow my brains out, and then I'd kill both of you. (After Radar scares Colonel Potter awake.) Radar: Sir, I'm sorry. I thought you were awake, I heard you laughing. Potter: Laughing? Oh yeah. I drempt I came home from the war and there was Mildred, wearing Hunnicut's moustache. Radar: Why would you be laughing? Potter: Because it tickled. (While trying to arrest Potter, Hawkeye and two Koreans for spying.) Col. Potter: Do you know who those two gentlemen are? Flagg: I'll get to that when I'm ready. Allright..who are you? Charles (pulling a paper out from a North Korean's pillows): Hello, what have we here? Flagg: That's for me...whatever it is. Frank: So, whatever Major Houlihan says is what I feel. Anything I could add would be of little consequence. Henry: I won't argue with you there, Frank B.J.: Shall I have him shot? Hawkeye: Shooting is too good for him. Lock him in the kitchen! (Fighting over a Sears catalogue) Hawkeye: Margaret, the coat's not in there. Margaret: I need other stuff, like like knitting stuff. B.J.: Knitting? You expect us to buy that yarn? Potter: Now I think you'll admit the Army presents unique opportunities that can't be had anywhere else. Hawkeye: That's very true. What other job lets you die for a living? B.J.: Certainly a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Potter: And when are they fixing the P.A. system? Radar: Probably not til tomorrow, the electrician's resting over at Rosie's Bar. Potter: Resting? Radar: He was fixing the wires and it shot him through the wall. Potter: Shocking. Hawkeye: Just for that, I'm going to let you get the last word in. B.J.: Thank you. Hawkeye: You're welcome. (going over B.J. and Hawkeye's files) Col. Potter: You two were reprimanded by Major Burns for setting fire to the latrine. Hawkeye: That was an accident. B.J.: We were having a weenie roast. Potter: In the latrine? B.J.: We're not allowed to cook in our tents. (While handling a priceless Korean vase) B.J.: Can you imagine? Eight hundred years? Do you know how old that is? Hawkeye: As I recall, that was the last time I had clean shorts. Hawkeye: What are you doing, Frank? Frank: Well, if you'll kneel at the end of the tent and get the table top at eye level, you will see that each bottle of ketchup lines up behind the others as if there was only one bottle of ketchup. Now, the same is true of your condiments, which, if you will note, are lined up according to height and popularity. There's your ketchup, your mustard, your relish, your mayonnaise, your oil and vinegar, your salt and pepper, and your sweet and sour gerkins all in a row. (Frank wakes up in a box.) Frank: Hey, get me out of this! Is anybody there? Hawkeye: Anybody where, Frank? Frank: Get me out of here, you animals! Trapper: Out of where, Frank? Frank: I'm boxed in! Trapper: We all feel that way at times, Frank. Sidney: How have you been sleeping? Hawkeye: On my back. Frank: I don't talk to goof-off corpses. B.J.: What sort of corpses do you talk to? (While grieving the death of a soldier he became friendly with.) Radar: When was the last time you felt like crying, Sir? B.J.: What time is it? |
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