“Can’t they ever leave me alone to get this done.” She grumbled as she stormed out of her tent. Withe in a short time she had arrived in the Colonel’s office, Potter was waiting for her. “ What is it that you wanted to see me about Colonel?”
“Good, Margaret I wanted to inform you that I am sending you to the 8063rd in the morning to share your new system.”
“But, Colonel it is not ready yet!”
“Well then you had better get working on it. Anyway I have confidence in you and your work Major, Dismissed.”
“Thank you Colonel” She then turned and frantically ran off to put the finishing touches on the project. The next morning came and indeed she had finished though she was a little sleep deprived and was not exactually the sharpest crayon in the box at this point in time. Though still she got ready, putting some clothes in a bag along with some other nicknacks then set off in the rickety some what rusted and green colored jeep. Margaret had been driving for approximately an hour when she started hearing shelling all around. She was getting scared and it was only getting closer and closer with each passing minute. Then as she flew over a series of dirt mounds,dirt and rocks flew up on all sides, causing the jeep to make an unexpected and very rough landing, blowing out two of the tires. The jeep proceeded by flipping and rolling through the air several times tossing Margaret from the seat like a child’s rag doll. She skidded across the rocks on the ground then rolled across into the dirt road covered in jeep parts and dust . Her medical bag was only a meir few feet from where she herself lie, not moving enough to even breath. She laid there for several hours and she was showing no signs of life. Meanwhile back at the compound Colonel Potter was having Radar place a call to the 8063rd. When he reached them and found out she had never arrived he was beginning to get upset and worried, “Radar.” screamed the Colonel.
“Yes, Colonel?”
“Get General Clayton on the phone.”
“Sir, General Clayton is on the phone.” He said at the same time.
“Good.” He said as he picked up the phone in his office. “ General, Colonel Potter from the 4077th speaking.”
“Yes, Colonel how have you been?”
“Oh fine, I wonder if you could tell me how I go about finding a missing nurse?”
“Missing? It is not Houlihan is it?”
“I am afraid so General.”
“Well, what I would do is call Coronel Thomas. He records names of the soldiers who have faced demise.”
“Thank you General.” Potter then put down the phone and called to Radar once again and Radar replied, “ Colonel Thomas is on the phone.”
“Thanks Radar.”
“Colonel Thomas, Colonel Potter from the 4077th M*A*S*H.”
“What can I do for you Colonel Potter?”
“Well, you see my head nurse Major Margaret Houlihan was on her way to the 8063rd and has not returned. I was wondering if you have any record her death?”
“You say her name was Major Margaret Houlihan?”
“Yes, that would be her.”
“You know Potter I remember my men coming in a few minutes ago saying that they had found a Houlihan and they said she was dead. But, the truck was full so they were going back to get the body, in fact they just left.”
“Thank you Colonel, Bye.” Potter said with a sigh. “Radar.”
“Yes Colonel?”
“It looks like Major Houlihan Is not coming back. I want you to get everyone together and plan a funeral for her.”
“Uh, yes sir.” Radar then got on the P.A. and announced “ Major Margaret Houlihan was killed today in a jeep accident on her way to the 8063rd.” The camp stopped dead in its tracks. B.J. and Hawkeye were playing cards when they heard the announcement. Hawkeye was so shocked that he dropped his cards. Back on the road Margaret was coming to, she got up from where she was laying, and looked around very curiously. She was clueless as to who she was. Then as Margaret turned she saw the medical bag laying just a few feet away. She wondered over and picked it up, looking inside first. This was the bag of a nurse she thought. I must be a nurse, but why am I in Korea? Maybe I am a Korean nurse and since I have on an army uniform I must be here to help the Korean soldiers. Just then she glanced down at her dog tags they said “Major Margaret Houlihan.” This has to be my name. She started off, looking for a Korean unit that could maybe tell her which one was hers. Margaret walked and walked until she came to this civilian in the road. “What is your name?” She asked the Korean. The Korean answered, but Margaret could not understand her. So, then Margaret asked, “Do you know where I can find hurt soldiers?” Once again Margaret could not understand the Korean. Then the Korean waved for Margaret to follow her. She took Margaret to an orphanage where there were sick children who needed her. As Margaret attended to the children she realized that she did not know how she knew what to do but, she did. The orphanage gave Margaret a place to stay. That night she found a shinny object laying on the floor. She picked it up and started looking at herself. She would then look at the Koreans, then back at herself again. She started to notice that she did not look like them, she was different. Then it donned on her that they didn’t speak the same language either. Now she was confused again. If she was not a Korean nurse sent to help their soldiers, then who was she really? So, Margaret decided to go for a walk that night. She wondered down close to the 4077th , just then she saw a man wondering around, he looked like he too was thinking. He turned and saw her and screamed “Houlihan!” Margaret was so scared, she did not know how he knew her name so, she took off running as fast as she could. It was Hawkeye, and he took chase after her but, lost her in the night! Margaret returned to the Orphanage and proceeded to go to sleep. The next morning at the 4077th, Hawkeye went busting in to Colonel Potter’s office. “Colonel, I was taking a walk late last night, to think about Margaret and I turned and thought I saw her. So, I yelled her name and she took off running!”
“Well, if she took off running then it was not her.”
“But, Colonel...”
“Don’t but Colonel me, you just keep quiet about what you think you saw and be ready for the funeral tomorrow, dismissed!”
“I need to talk to you Colonel?” Said father Mulcahy as he entered.
“What now Padre?”
“Colonel you see I have heard that there is this orphanage up near the 8063rd and they say that there are way to many sick kids up there. I was wondering if I could call the 8063 and have them send a message to the orphanage, telling them that they can bring the kids up here for medical treatment?”
“Padre, I think that would be swell idea!”
“Thank you Colonel! Radar!”
“Yes sir?”
“Get the 8063 on the phone”
“The 8063 in on the phone sir.”
“Hello, this is Father Mulcahy at the 4077th.”
“Hi father, so what ever happened to Major Houlihan?”
“Well, she was killed in a jeep accident.”
“Sorry to hear that father, what can we help you with?”
“I had heard that there is an orphanage near your unit and I was wondering if you could deliver a message for me?”
“Sure, no problem!” Back at the orphanage Margaret was still thinking about how that man knew her name, when she noticed a man talking to the lady that runs the orphanage.
Next thing she knows the lady is asking her to help take the kids to the 4077th M*A*S*H. She agrees knowing that that is the best thing for them. So they load the kids up on a big farm truck with wood rails. Margaret rode in the back with the children and made sure they were okay. When they arrived at the 4077th Margaret did not get out she was very quiet, she had noticed that they having a funeral. She started to listen instead. She heard that the person who died was Margaret Houlihan, she then looked down at the dog tags once again. Of curse they read Margaret Houlihan! She started to whisper, “This is me who they are talking about I must belong here and they think I am dead!” She still did not move from the truck, instead she decided to listen and see what they had to say about her. She heard Hawkeye say, “I would always kid her and make her mad but, I would never have traded her in for anyone else.”
“I really never gave her the credit that she deserved.” Is what B.J. said when it was his turn. Then Margaret decided that they had suffered enough and slowly climbed out from the back of the truck. As she creped around the front of the truck Father Mulchay stopped in mid sentence, jaw wide open, starring at her. As he did not move the rest of the camp turned to see. When they realized it was Margaret, there was a long moment of silence and then a lot of cheers. Margaret was safe after all. She spent a lot of time with the physiologist trying to remember who she really was but, better or for worse, she was back!
