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KAY’S FRIENDSHIP RECIPE

Take one morning sunshine,
Add a smile, some kind words, too.
Sprinkle in some happy hours,
It’s not very hard to do.
Add a little thoughtfulness,
Stir just enough to blend,
Serve it warm with loving hands,
It’s the makings of a friend.






HOW TO PRESERVE A HUSBAND

Be careful in your selection. Do not choose too young.
When selected, give your entire thoughts to preparation for domestic use.
Some wives insist upon keeping them in a pickle;
others are constantly getting them into hot water.
This may make them sour, hard and sometimes bitter.
Even poor varieties may be made sweet, tender and good by garnishing
them with patience, well sweetened with love and seasoned with kisses.
Wrap them in a mantle of charity. Keep warm with a steady fire
of domestic devotion and serve with peaches and cream.
Thus prepared, they will keep for years.







ASPIRIN CAKE

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Turn down TV.
Remove toys from counter top.
Measure 2 cups of flour.
Get baking powder.
Remove Benjamin’s hand from flour.
Put flour, baking powder and salt into sifter.
Vacuum mixture off kitchen floor. (Benjamin spilled)
Get an egg.
Answer telephone.
Separate egg and warm Baby Adam’s bottle.
Help Mary figure out a New Math problem (the old reliable way)
Grease pan; salesman at door.
Take ¼ inch of salt from greased pan and look for Benjamin.
Put mess in wastebasket,
Dishes in dishwasher.
Call the bakery.
Take an aspirin.






RECIPE FOR FRIENDSHIP

A heaping cup of happiness,
2 of love and caring,
1 of understanding,
1 of joyful sharing.
A level cup of wisdom,
1 of artful living,
1 of thoughtful insight,
1 of selfless giving.






GRANDMOTHER'S RECEET FOR DOING FAMILY WASH

Husband's the next time your wives complain
about doing the family wash, show them this.
It was "Grandmother's Receet" for washday back in those days
before modern laundry equipment was available.

1. bild fire in back yard to heet kettle of rain water.
2. set tubs so smoke won't blow in eyes if wind is pert.
3. shave one hole cake lie soap in bilin water.
4. sort things, make three piles. 1 pile white.
1 pile cullord. 1 pile work britches and rags.
5. stur flour in cold water to smooth then thin down with biling water.
6. rub dirty spots on board. scrub hard, then bile.
Rub cullord but don't bile -- just rench and starch.
7. take white things out of kettle with broom stick
handle then rench, blew and starch.
8. spred tee towels on grass. 9. hang old rags on fence.
10. pore rench water in flower bed.
11. scrub porch with hot soapy water.
12. turn tubs upside down.
13. go put on cleen dress -- smooth hair with side combs --
brew cup of tee -- set and rest a spell and count your blessins.
Gals, hang this up above your automatic electric washer and dryer
and when things look bleak read it again.






RECIPE FOR FRIENDSHIP

One cup of tolerance and one of trust,
Two cups of loyalty and never a thrust.
Blend in true understanding and good measure;
Mix faith and good sportsmanship in all pleasure.
Add for seasoning a pinch of humor and wit,
A few grains of kindness won't hurt a bit.
Use confidence and courage, let none go to waste;
Mix in a bowl of oil of love to taste.
This above all: To thine own self be true.






MOM'S BROWNIES

By Sally Morehead

This recipe was "perfected" when my No. 3 son was 18 months.
Remove teddy bear from broiler and preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Rusty, "No, no."
Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
Take shortening can away from Rusty and clean cupboards.
Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
Take shortening can away from Rusty again and bathe cat.
Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing
shortening from cat's tail.

Assemble 4 eggs, 2 teaspoons vanilla,
(remove smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation),
and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.

Take telephone away from Rusty and assure party on line
that call was a mistake. Call operator and
attempt to have direct-dialed call to Alaska removed from bill.

Measure 1 teaspoon salt, 1/2 cups nuts. Beat all ingredients well.
Let cat out of refrigerator. Pour mixture into well
greased 9x13-inch pan. Bake 25 minutes.

Rescue cat and take razor away from Rusty. Explain to other kids
that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn.
Throw cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to run away.

FROSTING

Mix the following in a saucepan:
1 cup sugar, 1/4 cup margarine, and 1 ounce unsweetened chocolate.

Take the darn teddy bear out of the broiler and throw it away
--far away.--
Answer door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn't know
Rusty had slipped out of the house and was heading onto the interstate.

Put Rusty in playpen.

Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt. Boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes. Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Rusty's kicking slat
out of playpen and sticking garden hose in man's front door mail slot.
Promise financial restitution for ruined carpeting.

Tie Rusty to clothesline. Remove burned brownies from oven.







DEPRESSION STEAK

From January 1934 "East Prairie Eagle" (Missouri)

This recipe is for broiled thick juicy T-bone steak
with mushrooms and butter sauce.

2 quarts water
1 tablespoon salt
1 quart beans
Soak beans, boil 'em. Place large wire grill under the broiler
and turn up fire. Dust off platter and replace platter on shelf.
Polish steak knife and put back in drawer.
Serve beans in bowl (large). Eat with spoon.
Keep full color magazine picture of thick juicy steak propped near plate.
Look at picture while eating beans. Do not forget to turn off broiler!







MOTHER’S DAY SPECIAL

4 C. Love 5 Spoons Hope
2 C. Loyalty 2 Spoons Tenderness
3 C. Forgiveness 4 Qt. Faith
1 C. Friendship 1 Barrel Laughter
Take Love and Loyalty, mix thoroughly with Faith.
Blend in Tenderness, Kindness and Understanding.

Sprinkle abundantly with Laughter. Bake with Sunshine.
Serve daily with generous helpings.








Sanitarian's Perfect Cake
Perfect Party Cake

It's fast.
It's easy.
It tastes good.

It's Health Dept. approved.

DIRECTIONS:

1. Go to the bakery and buy a cake (any cake will do).

2. Bring it home and poke your finger in the icing a
few times to give it that homey touch.
(You may want to use a rubber glove for this.)

3. You're all done --- serve it up! Your friends
will love it and never know the difference.

4. If anyone should ask you for the recipe
--- Lie Like A Dog ---
and tell them how hard you worked over that hot oven.
Then cut out a suitable recipe from one of those
Martha Stewart magazines and send it to them.
They'll probably never make it anyway
and decide to go to the bakery instead. You're covered!

5. I'11 never tell ! ! !















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