| (SPECIAL NOTE: To celebrate the OSCAR! nominations announced this morning at 5:38 PST, Travis and Jonathan once again had their yearly OSCAR! sleepover. This time, they spent the night at Jonathan's aunt's condo, arising at 4:30 CST to prepare a hearty meal of worcestershire-flavored Sissy Spac-Chex Mix, Fresh Prince of Bell Pepper Omelettes, crispy A Beautiful Mango fritters, and Tang. They then watched the weird looking woman from Max Bickford and some other dude dole out the nominations.) TRAVIS: Hello and welcome to The Travis and Jonathan Show Mass E-mail OSCAR! Nomination Fest 2002! I'm Travis Harmon... JONATHAN: And I'm Jonathan Shockley, and boy, Travis, there sure were some surprises in the OSCAR! nominations this year! TRAVIS: You're telling me! Sean Penn for Son of Sam... didn't that movie come out like three years ago? JONATHAN: I think so. But he's retarded in it, right? So he's a retarded serial killer? I mean mentally handicapped. TRAVIS: Or is he a serial killer who kills retarded people? JONATHAN: Mentally handicapped. But no, I'm not sure, I didn't see it. TRAVIS: He's a little retarded in real life, isn't he? JONATHAN: Mentally handicapped. But yes, I think so. I mean, look at his face! TRAVIS: Does the dog talk in Son of Sam? JONATHAN: No, you're thinking of Harry Potter. TRAVIS: Bombshell! Where was Harry Potter's noms? JONATHAN: Shh! Don't say Harry Potter so loud. TRAVIS: Why not? JONATHAN: Because my aunt will hear you, and she's Seventh Day Adventist, so it's not cool. TRAVIS: Sorry. Well, we have the Fresh Prince up for his role in Ali. Did you see that one? JONATHAN: No. Did you see Not Another Teen Movie? TRAVIS: You know I did, we saw it together! JONATHAN: Was that you? TRAVIS: Remember, Black Knight was sold out? We got Sno Caps? JONATHAN: Black Knight! That was a good one. TRAVIS: You saw it without me! JONATHAN: Sorry, my mother was in town, and we wanted to see something light. But once again, just like last year, Martin Lawrence was overlooked. TRAVIS: The Academy never recognizes comedy. JONATHAN: What about Bridget Jones and Renee Zelleywhatsit? TRAVIS: You call that a comedy? If I wanted to see a bunch of fat women whining in British accents, I'd go see Gosford Park. JONATHAN: Would you really? TRAVIS: No. JONATHAN: Well, I think you're wrong. Renee was shimmering in Bridget Jones. TRAVIS: You saw it without me! JONATHAN: No, I think you were there. TRAVIS: I don't think so. JONATHAN: Come on. Remember? TRAVIS: We saw the Hobbits. JONATHAN: That's what I'm thinking of! Their feet! TRAVIS AND JONATHAN: GROSS! TRAVIS: Ha ha! JONATHAN: Ha ha! TRAVIS: That was a long movie! JONATHAN: Was it ever! TRAVIS: They could have shaved an hour off of it if they'd cut out all those shots of the Hobbits walking places. JONATHAN: Exactly! The Hobbits had way too much walking. TRAVIS: And were you as shocked as me at the shut-out of Atlantis? JONATHAN: I was! I really thought it had a shot at Best Picture. TRAVIS: I know it! I was really counting on Michael J. Fox's voice work to garner the sympathy vote. JONATHAN: Oh that's right, he's got something wrong with him. Well, it obviously worked for Sean Penn. TRAVIS: Did you see Freddy Got Fingered? JONATHAN: Oh, no. No no no. I can't even say it. TRAVIS: Well, it's up for a Raspberry. JONATHAN: I hope it wins! TRAVIS: And did you notice all the black people today? JONATHAN: In the crowd? TRAVIS: No, in the nominations! Halle Berry, Denzel, and The Fresh Prince all got nominated. JONATHAN: But that's only three black people. TRAVIS: Well, that's a lot. Did you see Roots? JONATHAN: Was that nominated? TRAVIS: No, but I bought it. It's out on DVD. JONATHAN: Oh, you and your technology. I can't even program my VCR! TRAVIS: Ha ha! JONATHAN: Ha ha! TRAVIS: You know what Jennifer Connelly movie I love? JONATHAN: All of them? TRAVIS: Yes, but especially Career Opportunites. JONATHAN: Oh, I love that one! I think. Did it have Muppets in it? TRAVIS: A few. What big OSCAR! news are we leaving out? JONATHAN: Hmmm. Let me see that list. TRAVIS: Here you go. JONATHAN: Thanks. Hmmm. Do you know what In The Bedroom is? TRAVIS: No. JONATHAN: Hmmm. Well, let's move on. TRAVIS: This year we have a special new addition to OSCAR! Nominations Fest 2002: A Fashion Review! JONATHAN: Let's see: That man from the Academy's suit was boring. TRAVIS: That's how I felt. Come on, show a little zest! It's the OSCARS! JONATHAN: And that woman from Max Bickford-- TRAVIS: How much do you love Max Bickford? JONATHAN: You don't even want to know. Richard Dreyfuss's best since What About Bob?! TRAVIS: I didn't see that. JONATHAN: Steve Kmetko looked nice. TRAVIS: He always does. But where was Jules? JONATHAN: She slept in. TRAVIS: And missed the OSCARS!? JONATHAN: She was sick. TRAVIS: Any other fashion? JONATHAN: Just a tip: Next year, try harder. Everybody. |
| The TRAVIS and JONATHAN SHOW OSCAR!WATCH 2005! |
| TRAVIS: Hello and welcome to The Travis and Jonathan Show OSCAR!Watch 2005! JONATHAN: We're already looking into the future for 2005's keenest new flicks! So if you see any movies that you dub especially OSCAR!worthy, please e-mail us! TRAVIS: And don't forget to check back here often for special OSCAR!-riffic Updates as we keep our ears to the Tinseltown Grapevine for Who's Who, What's What, Where To Be and What To Wear as Hollywood's Hottest go home with the gold! JONATHAN: But who do you think will go home with Bruce Vilanch? TRAVIS: A valet. JONATHAN: What? |
| OSCAR!WATCH UPDATE- Feb.12, 2002 |
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| OSCAR!WATCH UPDATE - FEB.18, 2002 |
| JONATHAN: Hey Travis! What do you get when you cross an exciting awards show with amazing stars and unsurpassed pageantry? TRAVIS: What's that, Jonathan" JONATHAN: Oscar mania! And look out, it's catching! TRAVIS: You do know that Whoopi Goldberg is hosting this year, right? JONATHAN: (Silence.) TRAVIS: Right? JONATHAN: Well, that's a little disappointing. TRAVIS: I know it. I guess our e-mail campaign to get Byron Allen to host didn't really pay off. JONATHAN: Yeah. Then again, we only sent that one e-mail. TRAVIS: Still, Whoopi may not be so bad. I do love the Sister Act trilogy. JONATHAN: I think there's only two. TRAVIS: Really? JONATHAN: You're thinking of Look Who's Talking. TRAVIS: Oh right! Say, why don't they make a sequel to Ghost? JONATHAN: Ghost scared me! TRAVIS: Oh, it's not scary. JONATHAN: To me it is! |
| e-mail us at travisandjonathan@hotmail.com |
| TRAVIS: Hello and welcome to the final Travis and Jonathan Show OSCAR!Watch 2002! JONATHAN: And the first Travis and Jonathan Show OSCAR!Watch 2003! TRAVIS: That's right, it's never too early to start forecasting who'll be waking up with the Big Prize next year! JONATHAN: But first we should wrap up the Travis and Jonathan Show OSCAR!Watch 2002 by dishing on the OSCAR! ceremony! TRAVIS: Now, as we write this, the 2002 OSCAR!s were when, exactly? JONATHAN: A couple of weeks ago. TRAVIS: Really? It seems more like months! JONATHAN: Well, time flies. TRAVIS: It certainly does! JONATHAN: So what stayed with you from this year's OSCAR! telecast? TRAVIS: Um... JONATHAN: Take your time. TRAVIS: Thanks! Um... JONATHAN: Anything? TRAVIS: Not really. I'm having trouble recalling exactly what happened... JONATHAN: Remember Gwyneth's dress? TRAVIS: Well, no, not particularly. Was it pretty? JONATHAN: Pretty awful. TRAVIS: Nope, not ringing a bell. JONATHAN: Do you remember Halle Berry crying? TRAVIS: Did she cry? JONATHAN: She bawled like a baby. TRAVIS: What happened? JONATHAN: She won! TRAVIS: But why wasn't she happy, then? JONATHAN: I'm not sure. She might have been a little tipsy. TRAVIS: That's strange that she cried so much, because the Academy doesn't usually like emotional black women. JONATHAN: I know, they like black women more when they suck it up, you know, stiff upper lip. Like Alfre Woodward. TRAVIS: Oh, I love her! Whatever happened to her? JONATHAN: I think she's on UPN now. Okay, now, I'm sure you remember Will Smith. TRAVIS: Oh sure! Willenium. I remember him. JONATHAN: Do you remember what happened on OSCAR!Night? TRAVIS: Um... JONATHAN: Only everybody was talking about it. TRAVIS: Um... JONATHAN: Here's a hint: He was there early in the evening, but then when they read the nominations for Best Actor, he wasn't there anymore! TRAVIS: Oh no! JONATHAN: He was okay though. TRAVIS: Whew! What happened to him? JONATHAN: He just got bored. TRAVIS: And he left? JONATHAN: Yup. He showed that trademark Willenium "In Your Face" "I'm Outta Here" "You Can Take A Flying Leap" attitude that kept him from winning the OSCAR! TRAVIS: Oh, because the academy doesn't like mean people. JONATHAN: Do you remember who won Best Actor? TRAVIS: No. JONATHAN: Because I don't either. TRAVIS: As long as it wasn't a Hobbit. JONATHAN: I don't think so. TRAVIS: I hate those Hobbits! JONATHAN: So I guess that's enough about OSCAR! 2002. TRAVIS: HATE 'em. JONATHAN: But let's look ahead to OSCAR! 2003! TRAVIS: Three words: Death. To. Smoochy. JONATHAN: No way! TRAVIS: Way! JONATHAN: TWO words: Sorority. Boys. TRAVIS: Well, okay. I forgot about Sorority Boys. JONATHAN: OSCAR! loves drag! TRAVIS: Look at Tootsie! JONATHAN: Look at Dame Edna! TRAVIS: Do I have to? JONATHAN: Ha ha! TRAVIS: Seriously, though, I love Dame Edna. JONATHAN: What do you think of the state of Ally McBeal? TRAVIS: Pitiful. JONATHAN: What happened? TRAVIS: I think David J. Kelley is spending all his time on The West Wing. JONATHAN: Oh, does he do that too? TRAVIS: Yes, and he has a drug problem. JONATHAN: Well, that certainly explains it. TRAVIS: It certainly does. JONATHAN: Hey, I know who should host the OSCAR!s next year. TRAVIS: I do too! JONATHAN: Well, you say yours first. TRAVIS: You say yours first! JONATHAN: Together? TRAVIS: All right. JONATHAN AND TRAVIS: STEVE KMETKO! TRAVIS: Ha ha! JONATHAN: Ha ha! TRAVIS: I knew we were on the same wavelength with this! JONATHAN: I know! TRAVIS: Because this year we tried to wage an e-mail campaign to get Byron Allen to host. JONATHAN: Only we messed up, because we kept e-mailing Mr. Allen instead of the OSCAR!s. TRAVIS: Finally he had to tell us to stop. JONATHAN: He was very nice though. TRAVIS: I wish you could frame an e-mail, because his would be up on my wall right now. JONATHAN: But it occured to me recently that Mr. Kmetko would be the perfect host. TRAVIS: He's a great interviewer... JONATHAN: Lots of charisma, and did you see Julia Roberts hanging all over him? I thought she had a steady boyfriend again! TRAVIS: Well, but then, I don't think the words "Steady Boyfriend" have any meaning to Ms. Roberts. JONATHAN: And you know Jules has her own show on E! So I think it's time for Mr. Kmetko to step out of her shadow and into his own. TRAVIS: His own what? JONATHAN: Shadow. TRAVIS: Good point. JONATHAN: So Good Luck Steve! I'm sure the Academy will be phoning any day now with the good news. TRAVIS: Here's hoping! JONATHAN: Anything else about the OSCAR!s? TRAVIS: This year's or next year's? JONATHAN: Either or. TRAVIS: I just wish I could remember more of this year's! Was Jon Voight there? JONATHAN: Yes! He was! TRAVIS: Okay! Yes! I remember Jon Voight. JONATHAN: Good for you! |
| OSCAR!Watch Update April 4, 2002 |
OSCARwatch UPDATE! May 1, 2002 PAULY SHORE MEETS TRAVIS AND JONATHAN, SHOWS THEM HIS NEW FILM TRAVIS: Hello TV and Web Friends! I'm Travis Harmon... JONATHAN: And I'm Jonathan Shockley, and boy, Travis, I knew there were perks that came with hosting a local community access television show, but I had no idea how big those perks were! TRAVIS: Tell me about it! We were very excited when a Secret Friend gave us a tip to show up at the local Zanies comedy club here in Nashville. When our Secret Friend told us it was a movie screening, we thought it would be, hope against hope, Attack Of The Clones. JONATHAN: Even though our Secret Friend told us the movie being screened starred Pauly Shore. TRAVIS: We were under the impression that Pauly Shore cameos in Attack Of The Clones. JONATHAN: Because Lucas’ daughter is a fan. TRAVIS: But speaking of cameos, just listen to the cameos that are in the Mystery Movie We Saw With Pauly Shore That Wasn't Episode II: Ben Stiller, Sean Penn, Snoop Dogg, Tom Sizemore, Fred Durst, Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Rico Suave, and Carrot Top! And that’s just for starters! JONATHAN: What an amazing, diverse cast! I haven’t seen so many cameos in a movie since It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World! TRAVIS: Or Rat Race! JONATHAN: Hey, Whoopi Goldberg cameos in this movie too! TRAVIS: And there were also cameos by several adult pornography movie stars, who, of course, I'm not familiar with. JONATHAN: Sure you're not, Travis! TRAVIS: You know I don't like that stuff. JONATHAN: Right. (giggles) TRAVIS: Oh, you and your jokes! (blushes) Should we tell them the name of the Secret Movie We Sneak Peeked now? JONATHAN: Not yet! First we should tell them about the experiences we had that day, and what kind of mood we were in! TRAVIS: Okay! First, you picked me up at my Mom's house. JONATHAN: I was going to sleep over, but your mom was sick. TRAVIS: She feels better now. JONATHAN: Then we stopped off for breakfast at Chik-Fil-A. TRAVIS: So I was in a good mood right off the bat because I love Chik-Fil-A. JONATHAN: I do too. But why aren't they open on Sundays? TRAVIS: Because that's when they kill the chickens! JONATHAN: Oh! TRAVIS: But I messed up, I was nervous about the Secret Movie, and didn't order enough to fill my tummy. JONATHAN: So we had to stop at Hardee's so Travis could get some lunch. TRAVIS: I love Hardee's too, so by now I was in an extra good mood. JONATHAN: Me too! I'm just happy when Travis is happy. TRAVIS: Why, thank you, Jonathan! JONATHAN: You're welcome, Travis! Oh, and when we got into Zanies we had a basket of fried zucchini! TRAVIS: Now let's not get ahead of ourselves! So when we pull up to Zanies, and there’s a HUGE line of people waiting to get in to see the Top Secret Pauly Shore Movie Screening. JONATHAN: How many people would you say were there? TRAVIS: I'd say, hmmm.... 18. JONATHAN: At least 20. Tell them the scary part! TRAVIS: Oh yeah! Well, when we get to Zanies, we're waiting out back for our Secret Friend to sneak us in, and there are these two Black gentlemen behind the club. I believe they work for the establishment. I'm not sure what they do. Maybe they're bouncers. Well, they're obviously on break, as they're just taking it easy behind Zanies. JONATHAN: And tell them about the woman! TRAVIS: Well, there was this heavyset African American woman walking across the street, headed for the Dollar General store. And the men said, what did they say, Jonathan? JONATHAN: They said, "Hey! I'll throw a brick at you!" Tee hee. TRAVIS: And she didn't say anything! She didn't even look at them! JONATHAN: She zinged them with some stone cold attitude! TRAVIS: And then they go, "We'll follow you into that Dollar General and whup up on you!" JONATHAN: I was scared! TRAVIS: I thought it was funny. JONATHAN: Well, you know more black people than I do. TRAVIS: Not really. JONATHAN: At least one or two more. TRAVIS: Well maybe. So then we get into the club and they're playing Guns N Roses music. So right away we know it's a Pauly Shore movie. JONATHAN: That music was too loud! TRAVIS: You don't like Guns N Roses, do you? JONATHAN: They're okay. TRAVIS: Sometimes I call them GNR. JONATHAN: That’s smart! I may start doing that too. TRAVIS: Then guess who walks in, wearing jeans, sandals, and a sleeveless tee? JONATHAN: Mr. PAULY SHORE! TRAVIS: We were very excited and ready for the Secret Movie to begin. JONATHAN: Can we tell them the name of the Secret Movie now? TRAVIS: Okay. The movie we saw yesterday was YOU'LL NEVER WIEZ IN THIS TOWN AGAIN, written, directed by, and starring Mr. PAULY SHORE! JONATHAN: Pauly got onstage to introduce the movie, but there were technical problems. The waitresses forgot to pass out comment cards. Then a guy on the overhead speaker said some people had to move their cars. So there was a delay. And then that Guns N Roses music came on again! TRAVIS: This time it wasn’t so loud. JONATHAN: That’s what you say! Then Mr. Shore took the stage again and told the audience to have an open mind. TRAVIS: He said this was a much more personal film than his previous ones, and boy, was it ever! JONATHAN: This was not your father’s Pauly Shore movie. TRAVIS: My father loves Son-In-Law. JONATHAN: My father loves Strategic Air Command, starring the great James Stewart. TRAVIS: To be truthful, I’d seen Encino Man, mainly for Brendan Fraser’s outstanding performance, and I’d seen Bio Dome, of course, but Pauly had never been my cup of tea. I mean, I was never a “fan” per se, but I always put him a notch or two above Yahoo Serious. JONATHAN: And I’d never seen any of his movies, but I loved his MTV work. TRAVIS: So Mr. Shore reminded the audience that You’ll Never Wiez In This Town Again was his directorial debut, that he’d worked on it for years out of his own pocket, but that Dimension Films had finally picked it up and that it would be out soon, but he couldn’t say when. He said that what we were about to see was “pretty much a finished product”, but he was still tweaking a little. A member of his entourage was videotaping the audience’s reaction. Mr. Shore even went to the back of the Zanies with a pad and pen to note when the audience laughed and when it didn’t! JONATHAN: Travis, he sat right next to you! Could you read any of the comments he wrote down? TRAVIS: No, but I did hear him laughing and laughing! He sure seemed to enjoy his movie a lot! JONATHAN: As did we all! TRAVIS: I guess there’s no point in denying it anymore: Jonathan and I loved You’ll Never Wiez In This Town Again! JONATHAN: You can say that again. Boy, what a unique and ingenious premise: The Death of Pauly Shore! TRAVIS: He documents his own death… and life! It’s like Pauly Shore’s Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life Is Calling! JONATHAN: Only better! TRAVIS: Or his All That Jazz! JONATHAN: Only better! TRAVIS: And it starts with him killing himself! JONATHAN: I was scared! TRAVIS: It does do a very good job portraying this, to the point that it was eerie because he’s dead onscreen but in real life he’s sitting beside me, giggling and having his bodyguard light cigarettes for him. JONATHAN: Pauly Shore Haters may like this movie more than Pauly Fans. He’s very mean to himself in it. Plus you get to see him die. Sort of. TRAVIS: Right, another in a long line of bright comedy lights snuffed out before their time, like Lenny Bruce, John Belushi, and Sam Kinison (more about him later!) In this movie, Mr. Shore takes a wrecking ball to his “Weasel” persona and shows us the Chaplin-like genius within. The movie starts with his death, and then transports us back in time to 1997. We see the events that led to his offing himself. His career is in turmoil. His manager and agent (Kip Adotta and Rick Ducommun) won’t speak with him, his fiancé has left him, his TV show has been cancelled by Fox after its premiere episode, and MTV won’t return his calls. When he was hot, he hung out with strippers and Tom Sizemore. Now he’s reduced to asking neighbor Verne Troyer if he can get him an interview with Mike Myers. JONATHAN: In one of the movie’s best scenes, Pauly asks a friend to get him meeting with Sean Penn. We see a drunk Sean Penn sitting at a bar trying to place Pauly, hazily wondering whether he’s seen Bio Dome or not. “I think it had the weasel guy and the sixth Baldwin brother in it…” TRAVIS: Although he’s known mostly for his dramatic work and his excellent two episode turn as Phoebe’s beau on Friends, he’s very funny here. JONATHAN: We also get to witness an amusing phone conversation between Bill Maher and Ben Stiller in which they question Pauly’s right to exist. TRAVIS: But Pauly reaches his lowest ebb when he can no longer afford house payments on his gorgeous home and has to sell his “crib” to a potty mouthed Carrot Top. JONATHAN: I’d never heard Carrot Top curse so much! TRAVIS: I didn’t know he worked that blue. JONATHAN: He sure does in this movie. TRAVIS: Nevertheless, his performance is very affecting. JONATHAN: So poor Pauly has to move back in with his mom, real life Comedy Store owner Mitzi Shore. Pauly is in the throes of depression, but not for long! Soon he is visited by— TRAVIS: BIG SPOILER AHEAD! JONATHAN: Sam Kinison! TRAVIS: Sam Kinison is actually in this movie! I don’t know if he filmed some scenes and had them “in the can” before his death, or if it was all CGI a la Forrest Gump, but you have to see it to believe it. The entire audience was left agape. JONATHAN: It’s Mr. Kinison’s best performance since Back To School. TRAVIS: He comes to Pauly as an angel and tells him that the only way to rid himself of his public disgrace is to go out in a blaze of glory. Kinison tells Pauly to kill himself so he’ll be thought of as a genius who went before his time. So Pauly fakes his own death and soon the same people who previously were bashing him are singing his praises. JONATHAN: Like a marijuana smoking Kurt Loder. And Dr. Dre, who strangely isn’t smoking marijuana. TRAVIS: But I think the best scene in the movie is with Rico Suave as an old MTV pal of Pauly’s. The Weasel finds him selling oranges on the side of the road with his bastard son. JONATHAN: With his what? TRAVIS: With his son. His son is selling Chiclets. JONATHAN: Now was his name Rico Suave and his song called Gerardo, or was it the other way around? TRAVIS: I’m not sure. But we digress. So for reasons we don’t want to give away, Pauly’s scheme is found out and the public turns on him again! JONATHAN: He winds up in prison, more of a disgrace than he originally was, which is hard to accomplish! TRAVIS: This part of the movie depressed me a great deal, Jonathan. JONATHAN: It was sad. It reminded me of the Robert Blake story, all the ups and downs… well, at least the downs. TRAVIS: Pauly is put in the celebrity wing of LA County Prison where he meets up with fellow has-been bad boys Todd Bridges, Tommy Lee, and Heidi Fleiss, who at one point turns into a she-demon! JONATHAN: Yeah, I didn’t understand that, but boy did it scare me! TRAVIS: She looked not unlike a Balrog. JONATHAN: A what? TRAVIS: You know, from The Hobbits Movie. Anyway, in prison Pauly Shore learns how to be a good actor again! Todd Bridges becomes his Muslim spiritual guide and teaches him Shakespeare! Tommy Lee’s brief hilarious scene involves him smuggling out homemade videotapes of himself and his prison roommate. Pauly’s prisoner buddies show him how far he’s gotten from his true art… and his true self. JONATHAN: Without spoiling the end of the movie, it looks as if Pauly is on track towards becoming his true self, shedding his tired old Weasel skin, and becoming Oscarworthy! TRAVIS: This is really a movie for people who hate Pauly Shore! And for people who love him! JONATHAN: And for people who love fried zucchini! TRAVIS: On the Travis and Jonathan scale of 1 to 2, I give it a 1.9! JONATHAN: Me too! TRAVIS AND JONATHAN: YAY PAULY SHORE! |
(Special note: As is their tradition, Travis and Jonathan again had a sleepover last night, in anticipation of this morning’s announcement of the 2003 OSCAR! Nominees. This year, they spent the night in Travis’ mom’s new house, because it had new carpeting and she doesn’t smoke in there anymore. They arose at 4:50 AM to prepare a special OSCAR!-licious breakfast of Charlie and Donald Kauffee Cake, Roman Polans-Kiwi Preserves, and Academy of Motion Picture Tarts and Sausages. Then they settled in on Travis’ Mom’s new couch to watch Marissa Tomei and some old guy in a suit dole out the noms.) TRAVIS: Hello everybody, and welcome to The Travis and Jonathan Show Mass E-mail OSCAR! Nomi-whee! Party! JONATHAN: I’m Jonathan Shockley… TRAVIS: And I’m Travis Harmon! Boy, Jonathan, there sure were some shockers in this morning’s OSCAR! Noms! JONATHAN: You’re telling me, Travis. Like Jack Nicholson! I really didn’t expect him to get a “nod.” TRAVIS: I don’t care for him that much. JONATHAN: How can you not like Jack Nicholson? Haven't you seen his early movies? TRAVIS: No, the first thing I saw him in was Wolf. JONATHAN: Well, I hear his early work is pretty good. Wait, I know you saw Batman. TRAVIS: Oh yeah! Well, I credit the make-up with that performance. I mean, there was certainly no way to tell that was Jack Nicholson under all that goop. JONATHAN: You’re right. I hope the make-up artist got an award for that one! TRAVIS: Do they give out Oscars for make-up? JONATHAN: They should! TRAVIS: Did you see Gangs of New York? JONATHAN: No way. Too violent. TRAVIS: I thought it looked boring. JONATHAN: It looked boring and violent. You know how they try to take boring shows and jazz ‘em up with violence? They do it on PBS all the time. TRAVIS: Like Wild Kingdom! Just when you’re ready to fall asleep, BAM! A cougar guts an emu. JONATHAN: Travis, please! I’m trying to eat my About a Boysenberry mini-muffins! TRAVIS: What about that Queen Latifah! Wasn’t that a surprise nod! JONATHAN: I think that Bringing Down The Houze movie with her in it looks funny. TRAVIS: Oh, I saw a commercial for that. So what’s the deal? It’s Steve Martin trapped in Queen Latifah’s body? JONATHAN: I guess. I think it’s about racism. TRAVIS: Good for them! It’s about time somebody made a movie about racism. JONATHAN: Amen to that. But let’s not get too preachy! Ok, moving on… Best Supporting Actor. Where was Alfred Molina? I read he’d get one for Frida. TRAVIS: Alfred Molina? Is that the guy who played Al on Happy Days? JONATHAN: “Yep, yep, yep, yep.” TRAVIS: Hey, that’s a good impression! JONATHAN: Thank you! TRAVIS: It’s about time Al from Happy Days got his due! Shame on the Academy for that oversight. JONATHAN: And who is this Chris Cooper fellow? TRAVIS: Chris Cooper. That name sounds so made up. “Chris Cooper.” I mean, come on. JONATHAN: “This is Chris Cooper reporting live from SkyChopper 5, bringing you traffic on the 7’s…” TRAVIS: Ha ha! That's funny, Jonathan! JONATHAN: Thanks! I just "improv-ed" it. Now, Roman Polanski got nominated for Best Director. He's in trouble for something, isn't he? TRAVIS: I hope it's for making a boring movie. I mean, The Pianist? Who wants to see a movie about history and pianos? That's the worst combination ever. JONATHAN: The Hobbits are up for best picture. TRAVIS: Grr! I can’t stand to look at their hairy feet! I HATE those Hobbits. JONATHAN: Let’s see, what else? TRAVIS: HATE ‘em. JONATHAN: Did you see The Hours? TRAVIS: I did! I went with my mom and my aunts! We thought it was going to be a fun, chick flick night out at the movies, with Julianne, Meryl, and Nicole all finding empowerment and singing along to Motown songs. Like Ya Ya Sisterhood. JONATHAN: Ya Ya! TRAVIS: But The Hours was a stinkeroo. I couldn’t even tell you what happened in it. It was like three different stories. And they’ve got Nicole Kidman with a CGI nose. JONATHAN: That’s stupid! TRAVIS: If I wanted to see a CGI nose, I’d watch that Michael Jackson interview! JONATHAN: Oh, Travis, be nice. TRAVIS: So the less said about the Hours, the better. JONATHAN: Everybody likes Chicago. TRAVIS: Everybody’s wrong. JONATHAN: I’ll tell you this, the best movie I saw last year is nowhere to be seen on this list, and I think that’s a shame. TRAVIS: What is it? JONATHAN: Copycat. Where’s Holly Hunter for Best Supporting? Sigourney for Best Actress? I mean, come on, this is the year her father died! There’s no better reason to give someone an Oscar than to honor the passing of a loved one. TRAVIS: Copycat? Oh, where she’s too scared to leave the house! JONATHAN: I’ve had days like that. TRAVIS: Me too! That’s why it was so good, I could totally relate. JONATHAN: Plus, I’m a little creeped out by Harry Connick Jr. TRAVIS: He’s totally ruining Will and Grace. JONATHAN: Okay, and finally, Travis, I know you're upset this morning because no Nia Vardalos for best Actress... TRAVIS: I want my Nia! JONATHNA: I know you love My Big Fat Greek Wedding… TRAVIS: I know you do too…we only saw it about 40 times. It’s amazing, when it first came out I thought it was one of those cheapo flicks they call “independent” but that we all know are headed for Lifetime. JONATHAN: It’s sooo much better than that. I mean, it may wind up on Lifetime anyway, but if it does, guess who’s tuning into Lifetime that night! TRAVIS: Me! JONATHAN: Me too! TRAVIS: But look, I wanted to get you a little something for our Oscar Nomi-Whee! Party. Call it an early Valentine’s gift, whatever… JONATHAN: You didn’t… TRAVIS: Last night, when I went out because I said I needed some Imodium? I didn’t really. I went to Tower Records at midnight and bought you a copy of Big Fat Greek Wedding! JONATHAN: Oh my god! TRAVIS: It’s on sale today everywhere, people, so put down this email and go snag you a copy! JONATHAN: Travis, this is so funny. Because I know how much you love MBFGW, too… TRAVIS: Oh no! Don’t tell me! JONATHAN: So last night when you left, I thought “Here’s my chance!” and I ran down to Wal-Mart… TRAVIS: Oh my gosh! I can’t believe it! JONATHAN: But they wouldn’t sell me Greek Wedding because they don’t sell stuff at midnight like Tower. But they did let me buy this. TRAVIS: Swept Away? JONATHAN: Yeah, I’d never heard of it. But it’s got Madonna in it! It must be good! TRAVIS: Hmm. JONATHAN: Don’t you like it? TRAVIS: You know what? I love it! Because movies that are gifts from friends are the best movies! JONATHAN: This has been the best Oscar Nominations Morning ever! TRAVIS AND JONATHAN: Happy Oscar Nominations Day, everybody! |
| OSCAR!Watch Update, Feb. 11, 2003 |
| NEW! Oscar! Watch Update Jan. 27,2004 NEW! |
| (Special note: As is their tradition, Travis and Jonathan again had a special sleepover last night, in anticipation of this morning’s announcement of the 2004 OSCAR! Nominees. This year, they rented a room at an AmeriSuites because it had a kitchenette and Travis’ mom didn’t want them stinking up her house by cooking a bunch of pork. They arose at 4:50 AM to prepare a special OSCAR!-licious breakfast of Hot Cross Scarlett Johanss-Buns , American Splendid Sausage Balls, and The Last Ham-on-Rye mini-sandwiches drizzled with Mustard and Cucumber: The Fun Sauce of the World. Then they settled in on the surprisingly soft AmeriSuites carpet to watch Sigourney Weaver and some old guy in a suit dole out the noms.) TRAVIS: Hello everybody, and welcome to The Travis and Jonathan Show Mass E-mail OSCAR! Nomi-whee! Party! JONATHAN: I’m Jonathan Shockley… TRAVIS: And I’m Travis Harmon! Boy, Jonathan, there certainly were some surprises in today’s nominations! JONATHAN: You’re telling me! Where was Sean Astin? TRAVIS: I figured he was a shoo-in because of his beloved father and deranged mother. JONATHAN: And where was Nicole? TRAVIS: I could have told you she’d get snubbed. Oscar hates Lenny Kravitz. JONATHAN: And Cold Mountain got snubbed too! TRAVIS: Well, that’s what it gets. Why do movies insist on being about history? JONATHAN: Cold Mountain is even worse ‘cause it’s from a book about history. TRAVIS: Doesn’t Hollywood know that the Civil War is boring? JONATHAN: I know! TRAVIS: It’s boring to watch it, let alone read about it. JONATHAN: They might as well have nominated Gods and Generals. TRAVIS: That’s the one Ted Turner went broke on, right? JONATHAN: Yeah, and he plays Sitting Bull. TRAVIS: Vanity Project! JONATHAN: Boring vanity project. If you’re going to spend all your money on a vanity project you might as well make it funny. Like Ishtar. TRAVIS: I like Ishtar! JONATHAN: That’s what I’m saying! TRAVIS: We should do a remake. With you as one of ‘em and me as the other. JONATHAN: People used to make Ishtar jokes all the time. Like, “That’s as terrible as Ishtar!” TRAVIS: Oh yeah! They used to say that on The Golden Girls all the time. You’re right, you don’t hear Ishtar jokes anymore. JONATHAN: Now the jokes are all about Gigli. TRAVIS: I liked Gigli! JONATHAN: I know! Me too! TRAVIS: Why do people hate good things? JONATHAN: Because they’re stupid. TRAVIS: What did you think of Mystic River? JONATHAN: Oh, I think that awful Sean Penn should just go back to Iraq! TRAVIS: Now, Jonathan, you know I’m against the war. JONATHAN: Oh yeah! Well, I’m for it. TRAVIS: But innocent people died! And where are the weapons? JONATHAN: Hmm, food for thought. But Saddam was a madman! A MADMAN! TRAVIS: Good point. I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree. JONATHAN: Right. Hey, I forgot which side I was on. TRAVIS: Doesn’t matter. Did you hear ABC’s bringing back Millionaire? JONATHAN: Awesome! I love Regis! TRAVIS: And Mel Gibson made a Jesus movie! JONATHAN: Awesome! I love Jesus! I hope it’s better than The Omega Code. TRAVIS: Jews get real mad when Mel Gibson says they killed Jesus. JONATHAN: Then they shouldn’t have done it! TRAVIS: Now Jonathan, if Jesus taught us anything, it’s forgiveness. JONATHAN: You’re right, Travis. TRAVIS: Hey, is Mel Gibson playing Jesus? JONATHAN: No, he’s too old. I think he’s playing God. Or an angel. TRAVIS: If you want to be religious, why go to the trouble of making a whole movie? Mel should have just guested on Joan of Arcadia. JONATHAN: Still, we applaud your convictions, Mr. Gibson! TRAVIS: I guess. JONATHAN: Yay for funnyman Bill Murray’s nomination! TRAVIS: I think his best work was that golf show he did with his brothers on Comedy Central. JONATHAN: Oh, I never saw that! I think it was on for that couple of weeks when they cut off my cable. TRAVIS: Are you still hungry? Would you like some more Seabiscuits with Toby MaGravy? JONATHAN: No, I’m trying to watch my carbs. So I’m just going to finish my 21 Golden Grahams. TRAVIS: I’m enjoying a mix of Frankenberry, Boo Berry, and Count Chocula cereals. JONATHAN: Oh, in honor of Monster! TRAVIS: I love Charlize! JONATHAN: We should go watch Sweet November right now. TRAVIS: I know! I didn't watch it this week yet because I've been trying to keep up with all the celebrity trials. Baretta, Michael Jackson, Kobe Bryant… JONATHAN: Now I get mixed up. Which one is Kobe Bryant? Is he the golfer? TRAVIS: No, I think he plays basketball. JONATHAN: Travis! Don’t be racist! TRAVIS: No, I seriously thing he does. JONATHAN: Oh. I can’t keep all these athletes straight. TRAVIS: It’s a shame, too, because Kobe’s so well-spoken. JONATHAN: Anything else about Oscar? TRAVIS: I’ve never understood a word Benicio Del Toro has said. JONATHAN: And a Canadian movie is up for Best Foreign Film? Since when is Canada foreign? TRAVIS: I mean, I guess it is, but come on. JONATHAN: And I’m glad that Iranian woman from House of Sand and Fog got a nomination. It proves we don’t hate Arabs. TRAVIS: See? The Oscar Nominations bring people together. JONATHAN: This has been the best Oscar Nominations Morning ever! TRAVIS AND JONATHAN: Happy Oscar Nominations Day, everybody! |
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NEW! Oscar! Watch Update Jan. 25, 2005 NEW! Watch our first VIDEO Oscar Nomination Day Party! CLICK HERE! |