HISTORY
Drunk Frank born first, dubbed himself the oldest, but the not wisest of the bunch. After several years of not being able to accomplish even the simplest basics of guitar playing, he decided that he had no other choice but to start a Punk band. He then spent several years crafting and honing his skills to become the non-guitarist that he always did not want to be. He now finally after decades of trial ( and mostly error ) has mastered all of three chords. Sadly though, he still belives that one of these chords are
J minor 7th.
Eventually Drunk Frank decided to take a wife, but soon found that out kidnapping was illegal and had to return her to her husband, much to the husbands dismay. After years of unsuccessfully looking on the internet, ( which he still claims he invented by hooking a typewriter to a TV monitor, and plugging it into a phone line jack via some home-made adaptors ) during a drunken stupor, literally stumbled upon Brenda. It was absolutely love at first sight, at least as far as he was concerned. And after months of convincing, threatening and beggging, she finally gave in and agreed to at least have a conversation with him. Under the conditions that he would untie her first! She soon ( years and years later ) became mrs. Drunk Frank. Frank was going to take her name but then decided that Drunk Brenda just didn't sound right, and besides, he couldn't spell Brenda anyway. Then one night in the middle of a three-day bender, he dubbed her "Fazula". A name that she absolutetly hated and would not recognize. She finally gave in after realizing that Frank had had her name legally changed without her knowledge. The name Fazula can mean many different things in many languages. From "The cattle are dying" to "Tiara wearing bitch" to "you think he's bad, look at the moron I married!". And it's latest, "Sorry, but this is the only band I could find to sing for, unfortunatelty".
Meanwhile, back at the ranch................As fate would have it, during a chance encounter at a liquor store, Frank and Brenda literally stumbled upon a "Traci" which became known as "The one who knows all, and at the same time still knows nothing"'. She soon appointed herself as "vice-queen-undersdtudy of the right lefted minormajority of traylortrashisms". Which was a surprise to everyone at the time, because there was no such department. But during an April Christmas party for community service rejects, fates intertwined............
Frank and Brenda again ran into Traci (soon to be the wife of Scott Vandals) while trying to score non-prescription children's tylenol the hard way. Their first impression of her was about the same as your first visit to an insane asylum, but they still invited her to their first Traylor Trash party. However, they were quite surprised when she showed up, because they then realized that they had accidentily given her the correct address. Even though we had explained to her not to bring any loud, obnoxious losers, she brought Scott anyway. Scott immediately stuck out in the crowd because he would not shut-up with his boring stories about inventing the band the Vandals with his brother Warren Fitzgerald, and his constant insisting that we call him Mr. Scott Vandals.
Born during the Gaseous age and thawed out in 1971, Scott was raised a devout Catholic until he was barred from his own communion for gross flatulence. Scott discovered he could "work" a sound board upon his release from the King's county psychiatric ward after three weeks of observation for trying to commit suicide with plastic eating utensils and a cocktail umbrella. In 1989 he was spotted trying to sell eyedrops as liquid LSD in parking lots worldwide. Shortly after he was arrested during a 1990 colostomy operation, when the surgeon discovered 186 lbs of undigested low-grade beef and half of a female femur bone in his large intestine. After he was released he reported to the Traylor Trash Halfway House For Incompetants.
Meanwhile, still back at the ranch........... Frank and Brenda ran into the soon to be infamous "Scuba" Steve during a hospital visit where he was a bed-pan runner (not that this was his job, he did it just for kicks). We eventually agreed to give him a urine sample, which seemed really strange at the time, because we were only there visiting a friend (actually not so much a friend, but someone we were consoling, who had against our constant warnings, had listened to the first Traylor trash disc) who had been admitted for psychiatric evaulation. Born in the back hills of Tennessee in 1978 to his uncle's sister, "Scuba" (given the nickname for repeatedly bobbing for rocks of crack in toilets) was then sold on the black market for a pair of shoes, and shortly thereafter smuggled north to Pennsylvania. At the age of 13 he was assessed by his middle school band as "musically challenged" and decided to become a full-time drummer. Shortly after being ejected from numerous, he stumbled into Traylor Trash, where he was ejected on numerous occasions for smiling and having a healthy complexion. When voted "most underpaid Rock Star of 2002 by Teen Magazine" he was quoted as saying "just wanna play them drums" In 2001 Scuba got engaged (to the equally infamous Angie)and took the name of the first woman who would talk to him and weighed under 290 pounds.