Sacrifices (9/?)

By Carol M.

See prologue for details

Note: Thanks so much for all the feedback, guys! Here’s some more angst for ya…

Darien’s breath tightened in his chest as he took in the sight before him. They were all there in the Official’s office. His mother, his father, Kevin, Casey, Jessica, Kate, Allianora, Alex, Bobby, and Claire. Each was fastened down tightly to a chair, unable to move a muscle. Darien stood at the edge of the room, seemingly frozen in place.

Trey was there, holding his gun to Darien’s mother’s head. She looked at her son, tears slipping down her cheeks. "Help me, honey," she cried out.

But Darien couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried to move his feet, nothing would budge. He was completely helpless and powerless to stop the situation unfolding before his eyes.

Trey glanced up at Darien and then fired the gun, killing his mother instantly. Trey stepped over to Darien’s father next and pushed the gun firmly against his head. His father closed his eyes and slumped over when the bullet ripped his skull apart.

"Dad," Darien screamed as Trey suddenly morphed into Arnaud. Arnaud stepped to Kevin and put the gun to his head. Kevin’s desperate eyes landed on Darien. "Please," he mouthed. But soon, his brains were also scattered against the wall.

Arnaud continued down the line, killing Casey, Jessica, Kate and Allianora. When Arnaud got to Alex, he morphed into Stark. "James," screamed Alex. But Stark shot her too.

Suddenly, Stark was Trey again as he moved to Bobby. Darien could see Bobby trying to stoically accept the fact that he was going to die. Bobby glanced at Darien and simply said, "I’ll see you on the other side, partner." Soon, he too was a memory.

And then there was Claire. She was the last in line, so to speak. She was sobbing hysterical tears and her face stared at Darien’s with a look of absolute horror. "Please, Darien, I don’t want to die!" she screamed.

"No! Not her too," Darien heard himself scream. And suddenly, Trey turned into a silver-eyed version of himself. The silver-eyed Darien smiled at his sane counterpart and then pulled the trigger, blowing Claire’s head off.

Sane Darien stared at the carnage of the bodies of everyone he loved in the entire world strewn about the office. He watched in horror as his silver-eyed twin stepped towards him, the gun aimed at his head. "Time to join your friends, Fawkesy," said the wacked out Darien.

Sane Darien closed his eyes and waited with an almost grateful attitude for the end.

"No!" cried out Darien as he bolted upright in bed. His breath was coming hard and fast in short wheezing gasps. His vision was blurred from the tears that were flowing down his face. And worst of all, his heart ached for all the people that were gone. "Claire," he whispered wildly. He pressed his hand in the space next to him in the bed and found that it was empty. He looked over at the couch and found it empty as well.

"Claire…Claire…where are you?" he called out. "Oh god, please be okay, please be okay," he cried out. He fell back against his pillow, lacking the strength to stay up right. "Claire," he whispered pitifully.

The sudden sound of a key turning in the door caused his head to turn. "Claire?" he yelled, tears trickling out of his eyes.

Claire stepped through the door and gasped in horror when she saw Darien. "Oh my god, Darien, what happened? Are you all right," she said as she ran over to his bed.

Darien sat up again despite the protests from his weak body. "You’re alive, you’re alive," he cried out in relief as he reached out for her. He pulled her against him and hugged her as tight as his dwindling strength would allow.

Claire rested her head on top of Darien’s head and ran her fingers through the hairs on the back of his neck. "What happened?" she asked with concern.

Darien pulled away from her and shook his head. "Nothing, nothing happened, I’m fine."

Claire sat down on the bed and took his hand. "You’re not okay, Darien. You’re shaking, you’re crying."

Darien shook his head. "I’m fine, I’m fine," he said as he wiped at his eyes and then gazed around the room. His eyes suddenly landed on his favorite quote book sitting in a bookshelf across the room. That would make him feel better. That would calm him down. He had to get to that book. He started to push his way off the bed, despite Claire’s protests.

"Darien, stop," said Claire in a confused tone. "What do you want, I’ll go get you whatever you want," she said.

Darien shook his head and pushed himself off the bed. He got into a standing position and nearly ended up face first on the floor.

"Darien," said Claire as she grabbed his arm to steady him.

Darien slapped the arm away. "I can do it, damn it, I can do it," he shouted. He took a deep breath and began to slowly put one foot in front of the other, moving an inch about every five seconds.

Claire was instantly off the bed and dragging him back towards the bed. "Darien, you’re going to hurt yourself," she said as she took a hold of his arm again.

With strength Darien didn’t know he had, he pulled his arm roughly from her grasp and continued walking towards the bookshelf. "I need the book," he whispered in an eerie tone that chilled Claire to the core.

Claire nodded and stepped back, giving him enough room to walk, but also allowing for space in case in started to falter.

Darien got about halfway across the room when the world suddenly started to turn upside. He started to sway on his feet and Claire knew he was about a second away from a nosedive. She instantly stepped forward and placed a hand on his back.

Darien shrugged out of her grasp and carried on, determined to make it to the book. But his body had other ideas. He took another step and then everything seemed to go black. He fell to the ground in a crumpled heap, nearly whacking his head on the coffee table. "Damn it!" he shouted hysterically.

Claire stepped forward to help him up, but Darien put a hand up to stop her.

"Don’t! God, I can’t even walk without your help! I can’t do anything," shouted Darien, his voice quickly turning into something that sounded like a sob.

Claire stood frozen in her place, nodding her head. "Get it out, Darien," she whispered softly.

"I hate this!" he screamed, the tears once again returning to his eyes. "I want Alex back, I want Bobby back, hell I want everyone back! I didn’t deserve this. Alex didn’t deserve to die. It’s not fair!"

"I know it wasn’t, Darien," whispered Claire, tears sparkling in her own eyes.

"All for that stupid disk!" he paused and took a breath, which seemingly made him calmer. "I understand about Bobby and the code, you know. I mean, there were thousands of lives at stake and it’s Bobby’s job to protect the country, not just me," he said, trying to shrug it off. But his quick breaths and teary eyes told another story, something much different then what had just come out of his mouth.

Claire instantly picked up on it and nodded her head. "Say it, Darien," she whispered. "Go ahead and say it."

He looked at her and sighed, his body trembling with weakness. "Why didn’t he give up the code, Claire?" he said in the most fragile voice she had ever heard him use.

She shook her head sadly. "I don’t know, Darien."

"It hurt," continued Darien. "It really hurt. I’m not mad at him. I could never be mad at him. It was a brave thing what he did. But now…I mean…why isn’t he here? I just want him here and he’s not…and that just…it hurts."

"You have a right to be upset, Darien," whispered Claire. "In fact, I’d be worried if you weren’t."

Darien started taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. But the more he tried to calm himself, the more upset he began to feel. And finally, something inside of him just broke and he finally let go. "God!" he screamed "I would have done it for him. Damn it, I would’ve done it for him! You know I would have. He’s my partner. He’s my friend," he said as he pounded his fists into the carpet. "Maybe everyone’s right, maybe I’m not worth it. What’s another dead ex-con, right?"

"Don’t say that, Darien," said Claire as she stepped closer to him.

"Why did Alex break anyway? Her life was worth a hell of a lot more than mine was. She shouldn’t have died for this thing, Claire. Why did it all happen?" he said gazing at her. "Huh?" he shouted.

Claire didn’t respond. Instead she started to cry.

"Why can’t it just go back to the way it was? I mean, it wasn’t great, but it was something. It was normal. Some days it was even fun. I had partner then. I had a best friend then. I had a hot chick co-worker who wore shirts that were too tight. What’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with any of it? What did we do? What the hell did any of us do to deserve this?" yelled Darien.

Claire wiped at her face and stepped closer to Darien. "Things just happen, Darien. There’s nothing we can do about it."

Darien paused to think about what she had just said and then nodded his head slightly. "I just want Hobbesy back."

Claire took that as her cue and stepped up to him, taking him into her arms. "I know you do, Darien," she whispered into his ear.

And then he started to sob. Harsh, loud sobs that pained her ears to hear. But it was just what he needed. He needed to deal with everything that had had happened so he could get through it. She grasped him tightly and rocked him back and forth in her arms, her handing rubbing comforting circles on his back.

After awhile, she half dragged, half carried his broken body to the couch and sat back heavily against the cushions, letting Darien lay out across her body. Darien put his head in her lap and wrapped his arms around her waist, still sobbing. "I’m sorry," he kept whispering over and over again. "I’m so sorry for being like this."

Claire leaned down and kissed the top of his head. "Don’t be sorry. You’ve been through hell. You need a shoulder to cry on and I’m glad to be that shoulder. Honored, in fact."

This only managed to make Darien cry harder as he curled farther into her lap. Claire was crying now as well. Crying for Darien, crying for Alex, crying for Bobby and crying for herself. She supposed she and Darien were lucky in a way. They had each other. And while she would probably never admit it to him, she needed Darien just as much as he needed her.

The simultaneous sobbing continued for another 45 minutes, gradually dying down into sniffles and hiccups for both of them. Darien removed his arms from her waist and let them drape down at his sides. He rolled his body so be was able to look up at Claire’s face. "Keep," he sniffled, reaching his hand up to touch her cheek and wipe her tears away.

Claire smiled slightly and reached her own hand down to his face, wiping his tears away as well. Then she moved her hand to his hair and began running her fingers through it, massaging his scalp. "You should get some rest," she whispered in a tired voice.

He nodded slightly and wiped at his nose, sniffing hard to get rid of the evidence of his tears.

"Bed?" asked Claire as she gently lifted him off of her so she could get up and then lay him back against the couch.

Darien weakly shook his head, his eyes drifting shut. "Can’t make it," he murmured. "You take it."

Claire nodded and left his side, returning moments later with a spare blanket and pillow. She carefully placed the pillow under his head and then wrapped the blanket tightly around his body.

"Thanks," he whispered.

"Goodnight, Darien," said Claire as she leaned down and kissed his cheek.

Darien smacked his lips. "Night, Claire," he said in a child-like voice.

Claire watched him until he relaxed into sleep and then slowly made her way over to his bed. She took off her shoes and crawled under the covers, her nose smelling Darien’s scent on everything she touched. She wrapped the blankets around herself and inhaled, letting his scent penetrate deep inside her brain. She let the comforting scent lull her into the deepest sleep she had had in a week.

**

Hours later across town, sleep had eluded Bobby Hobbes. In fact, sleep was the last thing on his mind. His phone had been in his hand for hours, Darien’s phone number ready to be punched in at a moment’s notice despite his extremely drunken state. In the other hand, was his gun, one bullet loaded into the chamber.

His mind was a film reel, replaying images of Darien’s eyes in the Official’s office, begging for his life over and over again, and replaying Alex’s slow, bloody fall to the ground as her body was wracked with bullets. The images mixed together in his mind causing one big reel of gruesome horror that he now realized he would never be able to escape.

He took a deep breath and made his final decision. With shaky fingers, he dialed the number he knew by heart, waiting with bated breath for someone to pickup. After three rings, someone did.

"H’llo," he heard a groggy female voice answer. Claire.

Bobby couldn’t speak. His throat burned and the only sound that would come out was the soft, desperate sounds of his raspy breathing.

"Bobby, is that you?" asked Claire in a worried tone, sounding much more awake than she had even a second ago.

He took a breath and swallowed, willing his brain and his mouth to cooperate so he could speak. "Darien," he finally managed to crackle out.

He could almost see Claire nodding. "Alright," she whispered. He could hear movement and deduced that she was getting up to give the phone to Darien.

A second later, he heard his partner’s voice, making his throat tighten. "Hobbes?" whispered Darien in a tone that was happiness, sadness, anger and relief all in one word.

Bobby swallowed again, a huge lump forming in his throat. "I’m…I’m sorry, partner," he whispered, his voice threatening to become a sob. Then he hung up the phone and looked down at his gun, his fingers tightening around the trigger.

"Hobbes…Bobby," yelled Darien into the phone. He looked up at Claire with a haunted expression in his eyes. "I think he hung up," he said as he hung up his own phone and dialed Bobby’s number. He sat anxiously waiting for his partner to pick up. One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Four rings. Five rings.

After twenty rings, Darien finally hung up the phone. "Something’s wrong, Keep. He sounded strange. He sounded really strange," he said, glancing back up at Claire.

"Do you want me to go over there and check on him?" asked Claire.

Darien thought for a moment and then shook his head. "No. We’re both going over there," he said firmly as he struggled to get off the couch.

Claire instantly tried to stop him. "Whoa! Darien you’re in no condition…" she stopped talking when she saw the determined look in his eye.

"He’s my partner and he needs me right now," whispered Darien.

Claire slowly nodded her head. "Alright," she said as she took both of Darien’s arms and helped haul him off the couch. She wrapped his arm around her shoulders, picked up her purse and carefully lead him out the apartment. They slowly made their way down the stairway of Darien’s apartment and then finally, after ten agonizingly slow minutes, made it to Claire’s SUV. Claire pushed Darien into the car and then quickly tore off towards Bobby’s apartment.

They were there in less than fifteen minutes. Claire ran around to the passenger’s side to let Darien out and noticed, much to her chagrin, that he was looking pretty green. "What’s wrong?" she asked as she pulled him out of the SUV.

Darien closed his eyes for a few moments and took a deep breath. "All this activity is sort of catching up to me," he said as he slammed the door to the car and began walking towards the foyer of Bobby’s apartment.

"Why don’t you wait in the car?" suggested Claire.

"Uh huh, no way," said Darien as he pressed on, even though he felt like he was seconds away from passing out.

They got into the building after catching the door from behind some drunken teenagers and then carefully staggered up the steps. When they got to Bobby’s apartment, Darien gave Claire a frightened glance and then knocked on the door. "Hobbes?" he yelled. No answer.

"Hobbes, come on, man, we know you’re in there. It’s Fawkes and the Keep, buddy, open up," he said as he knocked again. "Fine, have it your way," said Darien as he turned to Claire. "You got a pen or something?" he asked, eyeing her purse.

Claire nodded and rooted around in her purse, finally locating a cheap Bic pen. She handed it to Darien, who immediately proceeded to tear it apart. Less then 30 seconds later, he had the door unlocked. "We’re coming in, Hobbes. And by the way, I’m not paying for a new lock," said Darien as he and Claire cautiously stepped through the door, eyeing the booze bottles laying all over the floor.

Darien inhaled sharply and stepped back when he finally saw Bobby. He was sitting on the couch amongst a dozen beer cans, tears streaming down his face and a gun pressed firmly against his temple. "What are you doing, Hobbes?" asked Darien as he cautiously stepped towards his partner with Claire’s assistance.

Bobby stared up at Darien with a terrified look in his eye. "Get out," he said coldly through the tears.

Darien shook his head. "Nope, no way. Not until you put the gun down and talk to me, man."

"We got nothing to talk about," said Bobby.

Darien snorted. "Oh, I’d say we got plenty to talk about. Like why you’re being such a selfish bastard."

"It doesn’t concern you," said Bobby as he pressed the gun harder against his head and closed his eyes.

Darien suddenly stepped forward, letting go of Claire’s hand. "Like hell it doesn’t."

Bobby opened his eyes and shook his head. "I let you down," he said softly.

Darien nodded. "Yeah, you did."

Claire nudged Darien and gave him a look.

Darien ignored her and went on. "You almost let me die, buddy. Hell, I almost did die. But it wasn’t your fault."

A twisted smile appeared on Bobby’s face. "Oh yeah, then who’s fault is it there genius?"

Darien shrugged. "No one’s, everyone’s, who knows? It was a bad deal, Hobbes. No matter how it played out, someone was gonna get screwed."

"Yeah well, it ended up being you and Alex, my friend," whispered Bobby. "I should have broke. I should have told him. I should have told him," he cried out as the tears started falling from his eyes.

"Bobby," whispered Claire as she stepped towards him.

"Stay back!" yelled Bobby suddenly as he took the gun away from his head and pointed it at Claire. "Just stay the hell back!"

"What are you gonna do Hobbes? You gonna kill us both? Then what, huh? Oh, yeah you’ll just kill yourself and all your problems will be over," said Darien.

Bobby pointed the gun at Darien. "You got any other suggestions?"

Darien nodded. "Yeah, how bout you put down the gun and talk to me about this like we should have done a week ago."

Bobby smiled and then quickly put the gun back against his head. "Talk is cheap, Fawkes. Besides, I got plenty of voices to talk to inside my head. They tell me all I need to know."

"Like what?" asked Darien.

"Like I let down my partner and my best friend. That I let Monroe get turned into Swiss cheese. That I don’t deserve to live. What good an agent am I if I can’t protect the people I care about most in this world?" cried Bobby.

"The kind who risks the lives of a few to save the lives of many. And Bobby, that’s not such a bad thing, man. Yeah, I’m pissed off at what you did to me. It hurt like hell, man. But you had a good reason for what you did and I understand that. And Monroe… that wasn’t your fault, buddy, it was just bad luck," said Darien.

Tears started to flow down Bobby’s face at a rapid pace. "I can’t do this, Fawkes. I can’t live with this pain. I let you down, I her down, I let everyone down."

A lump started to form in Darien’s throat and he realized with some surprise, that his tear ducts had not yet run out of tears as his vision started to blur. "You do this, and you really will let me down, Bobby. Don’t do this to me. I can’t lose someone else I love," whispered Darien.

"You don’t love me! You hate me! How can you love me after what I did to you?" yelled Bobby, the gun tightening against his head. "I’m so sorry, Fawkes," he said, staring intensely at Darien. His gaze shifted to Claire. "Take care of him, Keep," he whispered softly as his finger tightened against the trigger, ready to blow his brains out.

"No!" cried Darien and Claire as they both dived towards Bobby. Darien managed to push the gun out of his hand just as Bobby’s finger pressed down on the trigger. The gun went flying across the room and the bullet harmlessly impacted the ceiling. Darien, Claire and Bobby all went crashing to the floor, tangled in one another’s arms. Bobby stared at Darien in shock and then a look of realization hit his face.

"I’m sorry," whispered Bobby as he grabbed a hold of Darien. "I’m so sorry, Darien…Claire… for everything. I’m sorry."

Darien pulled Bobby against his body and hugged his partner, who had started sobbing like a baby. Claire got up and gave Bobby a gentle pat on the back. Then she disappeared into his bedroom to give the partners some privacy.

Bobby held on to Darien for the better part of an hour, sobbing and apologizing and just taking comfort in the warm body of his partner that was still amongst the land of the living. When he finally managed to calm himself down, he pulled away from Darien and gasped when he realized that Darien was unconscious. "Keep," yelled Bobby. "Something’s wrong with Fawkes!" he yelled in terror.

Claire ran out of the bedroom and immediately went to Darien, confirming that he was indeed unconscious. She checked his pulse and his breathing and then gave Bobby a calm smile. "He’s okay. He just passed out. He’s exhausted. He’ll be just fine," she said gently.

"We can put him in my bed," offered Bobby as he continued to sniffle.

Claire nodded and picked up Darien’s feet, while Bobby grabbed his shoulders. Together, they hauled him into Bobby’s bedroom and tucked him into bed. When they were done, they both walked into the living room and stared awkwardly at one another. Claire was the first to speak. "Look…Bobby…I’m sorry for saying all that stuff I said before. I was just really angry, and I wanted to hurt you and make you realize what you were doing. I didn’t mean for you to do," she pointed at the bullet hole in ceiling, "this."

Bobby shook his head. "I didn’t do that because of what you said. I did it because I was so terrified of dealing with Fawkes and everything else. I handled everything wrong and if I could go back in time, I would change everything I did, Claire, believe me."

Claire nodded. "Yeah, me too," she said, looking down at her feet. "Are you going to be okay?"

Bobby thought for a minute and nodded. "I will be," he answered softly as he leaned forward with his arms outstretched, wanting a hug.

Claire obliged and gave him a tight squeeze, burying her head into his neck. "What a week, huh?" she said.

"No kidding, Keep," said Bobby.

They parted from the hug and Bobby pointed towards the couch. "If you clear off the beer cans, there’s actually a pretty comfortable fold out bed right there," he said. He nodded towards the bedroom. "I’m gonna go in there and watch Fawkesy, make sure he’s okay."

Claire’s face broke out into a big smile. "It’s about time, Bobby."

Bobby cracked a smile and nodded. "Yeah." Bobby disappeared into his bedroom to watch over his partner, while Claire waded through a pile of beer cans to locate the soft bed and then once again, fell into a blissfully deep sleep.

**

Darien awoke the next morning with a muffled groan. He smacked his lips and reached his hand on the other side of the bed, trying to find Claire. "Keep," he murmured when he felt a warm body and gently moved his hand up her back and into her hair. But suddenly, Claire was bald. "Ah!" screamed Darien in surprise as he turned his head to see the face of Bobby Hobbes looking back at him. "Hobbes, what the hell are you doing?"

"Sleeping in my bed, just like you," he answered in a slightly irritated tone.

Darien groaned and turned on his side, his back facing Bobby. "Where’s Claire?"

"She went home to freshen up and get some more stuff to bring to your place. She’ll be back in a little while," said Bobby as he stared up at the ceiling. He snuck a glance at Darien and then looked back up. "You and the Keep got something going on the side that I should know about?" he asked in a slightly jealous tone.

"Just shut up, Hobbes," said Darien.

Bobby smiled for a moment and then a serious expression spread across his face. "So I guess you’re mad at me, huh?" he said.

Darien smiled slightly. "Yeah, a little."

"Suppose you want a new partner now, since this once pretty much screwed you over," said Bobby hesitantly, afraid of what the answer might be.

"Now why would I want to do something like that?" asked Darien.

"Because I let you down. Nearly got you killed," said Bobby.

"Yeah well, I’m alive. I guess that’s all that matters. Besides, I fully intend on milking this for all it’s worth. You’re gonna be buying my lunches and dinners for the next year, my friend," said Darien.

"Yeah, let me guess, you’re gonna acquire a sudden taste for lobster tails and steak," said Bobby.

"You know me so well," said Darien. He closed his eyes for a minute and then opened them, clearing his throat slightly. "Hey Hobbes," he whispered.

"Yes Fawkes?" responded Bobby.

"Did Monroe…did Monroe go quick?" asked Darien.

"No," replied Bobby, his voice sounding stiff and reserved.

"Was she in a lot of pain?" asked Darien, sounding a little choked up.

"I don’t think so, man. She was pretty much out of it. She did have something she wanted me to tell you though," said Bobby.

"What?" asked Darien.

"She said that you’re worth more than you know," said Bobby.

"Wow," said Darien.

"That’s not the best part though. She also confessed to having a crush on Eberts," said Bobby.

Darien laughed slightly. "Eberts? As in Albert Eberts?"

"The one and only," replied Bobby.

"God, just when you think you know somebody," said Darien.

"No, kidding, right," said Bobby. "She was a tough broad. I’m gonna miss her like hell."

"Yeah, me too," answered Darien. "She never let us get away with any crap."

"She was the best," said Bobby.

"Definitely," said Darien.

"A class act," said Bobby.

"The Mata Hari, herself," offered Darien.

Bobby smiled. "If she was here right now, she would be rolling her eyes in that pissed off way she used to do."

"You got that right," said Darien.

They were both silent for a few minutes, listening to the sounds of one another’s breathing. Finally, Bobby spoke up. "So are we okay?"

Darien thought for a moment. "Yeah, we’re okay. What about you? Are you going to make it through all of this?

Bobby sighed. "Yeah. I just gotta pop a few more pills and make a few appointments with the shrink, and I think Bobby Hobbes will be good as new. What about you, man? You gonna survive?"

Darien buried his face into the pillow. "I think I need to sleep for about a month and then I’ll be on the road to recovery."

Bobby nodded, staring at Darien’s back. "Yeah," he said with a heavy sigh. "Fawkes…Darien…I really am sorry man."

Darien slowly turned around and looked Bobby in the eyes. "I am too, man. Partners?" he asked as he stuck out his hand.

A large smile spread across Bobby’s face. "Partners" he said as he slapped Darien’s hand. He studied Darien’s pale, stubble-covered face and pushed him back against the pillow. "Get some sleep, kid. You look like hell."

Darien rolled his eyes and pressed his head into the pillow. "Yeah well, you’re no beauty queen yourself, Hobbesy," he said as his eyes drifted shut.

"Why you…" Bobby stopped when he realized Darien was sound asleep again. He tucked the blankets tighter around Darien’s body and then got out of the bed. "Sleep well, partner," he said as he gave Darien a gentle pat on the arm and then walked out of the room to go wait for Claire.