Rounding Third

T'Kuht

Jim Kirk had a massive headache. On one side, Spock had prattled on all evening. On the other, McCoy had goaded him into doing so. Behind him, Janice Rand and Christine Chapel were fairly rolling in the aisle in an out and out brawl, and if Uhura didn't stop eating soon, she'd gain 20 pounds. Holding the left side of his head so that McCoy's strident tones would be filtered through his hand, he closed his eyes and wished for the end.

"Whaddya mean Giacomo Jones has a better batting average than Babe Ruth?!"

Spock replied calmly to Kirk's right, "Doctor, the statistics prove that Jones' batting average is the better of the two. Babe Ruth has been dead for three hundred years. It is not surprising that his records have been broken." He launched into another tirade of abbreviations and numerical data.

At another set of names, McCoy stood up and poked a finger at Spock. "Don't even try to compare those two!"

Christine Chapel leaned forward and with a frustrated growl shouted, "For Christ's sake Leonard sit down!"

Janice Rand ponked the top of Kirk's head with the banner, "GO BROOKLYN!!!"

"CUBS!" Christine yelled back.

"DODGERS!" Rand shouted.

Uhura, the one in the middle of the women, leaned toward the Captain. "Sir are you going to eat that pickle?"

Shoving the pickle spear that was left from his hero sandwich up at his communications officer, Kirk wondered if he would ever get her out of the seat when they were ready to leave.

"John Grey's pitching statistics..." Spock began.

Kirk groaned. It was supposed to be a nice day at the park.

* * *

"What is the name of the movie that Clint Eastwood sings, 'I Talk to the Trees'?" Uhura asked breathlessly from her communications console.

At his command chair, Jim Kirk thought a moment. "Wait a second, wait a second ... Rawhide. No, that was a TV show. Oh, oh, it was the one with Lee Marvin and all those whores ... Paint Your Wagon!"

Uhura relayed the information over her communications console. After a moment's hesitation, she yowled, "We got it."

Turning up the volume, she captured the last of the announcement, "Congratulations, Captain Kirk and Lt. Nyota Uhura on that team effort. You have just won 6 box seat tickets to the pre-season exhibition of the Brooklyn Dodgers vs. the Chicago Cubs on Friday, February 23rd..."

Uhura was bouncing in her chair. It had taken six questions from various trivial topics, but they had done it. The tickets to the game had been sold out weeks ago. She had made a deal with Kirk. If they won, they would split the tickets. She already knew what she would do with at least one of them. Christine Chapel's 30th birthday was Friday and she loved the Cubs. Kirk was thinking of asking Janice Rand. She had worked hard lately and deserved a little reward.

Commander Spock entered between questions 2 and 3 and had watched in interest as they struggled through them to get the tickets. He had supplied the answer to question 5, how many parsecs between Earth and Delta IV? But the last was completely beyond him. The fact that Jim Kirk had known the answer was a surprise also. But, Kirk was a closet musicale performer. He kept trying out for The Mikado and luckily for all had been cast as a non-singing extra every time.

Spock appeared at Kirk's elbow. "Congratulations, Captain, Ms. Uhura."

"Thank you Spock. You know we win more contests with Uhura monitoring planetside transmissions. Palmer doesn't like to listen to radio transmissions," Kirk said referring to the other full time communications officer. She preferred newscasts. Kirk thought a moment, "Uhura, by rights, Spock is as entitled to a ticket as we are. He answered number 5, after all."

"You're right. Come on, Mr. Spock, it'll be fun."

"Baseball, it is a game?" the Vulcan asked a little mystified. Nearly every eye on the Bridge registered shock at his words. Spock had been in Starfleet over twenty years and had never heard of baseball?

"Spock, you've never watched a baseball game, not even in the newscasts?"

"No, I prefer my news digitalized and filtered," Spock replied. In that form it used less space and delivered only what he wanted to read.

Kirk grinned, "Spock, my friend. Let's have a talk about baseball..."

* * *

Spock was amazed at the amount of literature devoted to a single sporting event. He began reading. It was a fairly simple game, the rules were straight forward, the positions clearly lined out. He found something that he could digest easily, statistics. There was every piece of numerical data on the game since 1895 in the ship's computers. By the time he left for the game, he would know all there was to know about America's Pastime.

* * *

Christine Chapel hadn't come down off cloud 15 for two days now. Uhura's announcement that she was going to get to go to a baseball game alone was pretty much a great birthday present. The fact that it was her Cubbies and Spock was attending also was going to make it positively the greatest birthday she'd ever had. She had squealed so loudly in McCoy's ear when she found out that he had to keep hitting himself upside the head to see if he could hear. The 6th ticket had gone to him. He had declared that what he knew about baseball could fill a small cargo hold, but just to get Spock's goat, he would learn every annoying detail that he could.

* * *

The evening had started innocently. Kirk had them all gather in the transporter room to beam down together. Each person was given their own ticket to take care of, and as they filed in, it looked like an interesting evening indeed. Spock was in uniform. If he'd arrived in anything else, Kirk would have died on the spot.

McCoy came in next toting a large cooler with a big red cross painted on it. "In case we get thirsty."

Kirk looked perturbed,"You know they aren't gonna let us in with that."

"It's listed under medical supplies. You guys are all diabetics and have to have insulin on ice in case of an attack." Kirk rolled his eyes. Only McCoy would think of something like that.

The girls came in last. Uhura was radiant in a gold lame short set, very chic. Christine Chapel arrived in a Cubs shirt, Cubs leggings, Cubs boxer shorts, and hat. Janice Rand wore a Dodgers jacket and visor and waved a Brooklyn Dodgers banner as she went.

Kirk was dubious. "Are you two gonna get along...? By the way, Happy Birthday, Christine."

"Thanks," she answered happy as a clam. She and Janice were good friends. They'd get on fine, that is if Janice kept her mouth shut. The rest of the group offered their congratulations. They took their positions to beam down.

McCoy's voice could be heard as they dematerialized. "So Spock, what have you learned about baseball..."

* * *

After two hours of Spock's incessant statistics, Uhura's constant requests for food and drink, McCoy's tormenting, and the two blondes' brawling, Jim Kirk wondered why the hell he had answered the question in the first place. He was certain that the ruckus was going to get them thrown out of the game. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.

In the midst of it all, he screamed, "SHUT UP! THAT'S AN ORDER!"

Five wide-eyed crewmembers stared at him, the pickle halfway up to Uhura's lips, Spock in mid-statistic, Janice and Chapel were still holding onto each others shirts, and McCoy spluttered to a halt. Gathering his dignity about him, he said more softly, "Okay, we are gonna sit here, QUIETLY, and enjoy the game. Is that understood?"

Five heads nodded. They all sat in silence watching the proceedings. It was the top of the 9th inning. The score was tied 2-2. The Chicago clean up hitter was at bat and there was a game winning run at third base. The count was 3-2. From their vantage point right behind the catcher, they had a perfect view of the ball as it flew home. The pitch was thrown. There was no swing of the bat. The park was breathless waiting for the umpire's call, "STRIKE!"

Kirk was outraged. The ball nearly hit the dirt before getting across the plate. He stood, "Hey ump! Shake your head! Your eyeballs are stuck! That was a ball..."

He was still standing yelling when a security guard came to stand beside him, "Sir, you'll have to come with us."

He was confused, "Huh, what?"

"You are causing a scene. Please accompany us out of the park."

Kirk was aghast,"ME! They were the ones who've been yelling all night."

The other five were mute. Even Spock was dumbstruck. Kirk was led off protesting his innocence. They all looked at each other.

"Should we not go with him?" Spock asked.

"Nyah, he can take care of himself. Looks like extra innings guys, here," McCoy said and pulled the cooler out from under his seat to plop it into Kirk's empty one. "Have yourself a cold brewski."

"Brewski?"

"Hey, that sounds good," Janice said and Chapel agreed.

Uhura took another. "Hey, if anyone's going for hot dogs, get me one."

* * *

Jim Kirk had a headache. He sat waiting outside the ballpark for the others. He was certain they would have been right behind him. Now, it was the 14th inning and the game was still tied.

From the bench he sat dejectedly on, he could hear the crack of the bat.

The announcer's voice filtered through the din, "Going, going, gone... Cubs win, HOLY COW!!!"

THE END