You're A Vulcan, Commander ...

Guinn Berger

"You're a Vulcan, Commander," the ensign remarked,

"Your emotions have never been used.

Yet you tackled Nurse Chapel last week in the dark,

And you left her exceedingly bruised."

"In my youth," said the Vulcan, "my parents took care

Of my marriage and chose my intended,

But now I must settle for whoever's there.

I do hope she wasn't offended."

"You're a Vulcan, Commander," the youth said again,

"With an I.Q. of over three hundred.

Yet the captain outwits you with half of a brain.

Just how does he do it, I've wondered."

"In my youth," said the Vulcan, suppressing a smile,

"While I still was a student in college,

I found that it often was worthy of while

To display my superior's knowledge."

"You're a Vulcan, I say (and I say what I think),

And your blood is supposed to be green.

Yet your gums and your tongue are a bright, healthy pink.

How do you explain what I've seen?"

"You are growing impertinent, Mister. Take care!"

Said the Vulcan, by way of retort.

"Commanders are persons you'd better beware.

Now beat it, or you're on report!"