Gary Coleman "Then". Gary "Now".
Gary Coleman, famous for his role in the sitcom "Diff'rent Strokes" and the catchphrase......"What you talking about willies for?". We probe the "14 year old" about life after "Roots".


MTGS: Hello and welcome Gary.

GC: Bugaalaaaa! Hurr hurr hurrr. I'm funny "Willis!!"

MTGS:  Tell us Gary, what was it like working on the set of Tod Browning's The Freaks?

GC: Mmmmmmmm! mmmmmmmmmmmm! mmm! A want on't that. It wor "Diff'rent Strokes." Aye.

MTGS:  Sorry about that... that sitcom with a bloke, a cat, a hologram and a robot in it?

GC: Nay daft cunt! That wor Land o' Giants. I wor in that sitcom where I was adopted by 't white bloowerk.

MTGS:  Ahhhhhhhh! I remember now. I hated that program, quite unfunny...

GC: Mmmmmmm! mmmmm! mmm! I loved it! A gorr all 't birds after mi!

MTGS:  Wi' knifes?

GC: Nah.... birds wi fannies! Aye. know't a mean 'arry?

MTGS:  You were so famous you couldn't go anywhere without getting mobbed could you?

GC: Nay cock, a cunt even goo ter shop for sum corn an chicken for 't people wantin ter knack mi!

MTGS:  Could you say your famous catchphrase now just for us?

GC: Mmmm! mmm! mmm! sure thing bubba.........."Katanga katanga uahhhhhhh uahhhhhhhh!"

MTGS:  Ta. Now tell us Gary, you were found bankrupt in 1999 and now work as a security guard. What's that like?

GC: Its ard after all that money I 'ad. Now am on abart 50 quid a month, its a rayt let darn...ungawaaa!

MTGS:  Who is it you work for......"Playmobile"? (Laughs)

GC: Mmmm! mmmmmmm! mmm! Dunt tek piss! A wuk ard me tha norz.

MTGS:  Do you see any of the other cast members anymore?

GC: A used ter, but that lass on it's gor a kid nar, and she kept accusin mi o nickin it's clooerz! That old bloowerk's deeyerd and Willis wor run ower by a charging rhino'! (After 'ee did "Fresh Prince" and that movie abart a boxer....."Bob Champion".

MTGS: Why are you very tiny? Is your cock small too? I should imagine it is. You were eating popcorn in that Foo Fighters video in that car with his ugly pointy chinned bird weren't you?

GC: Ner... That won't me! That wor another black dwarf like! A dun't nor why am so tiny. Mebbi mi mam bummed mi while shi wor tekkin voodoo drugs or summert! Aye, mi cock is tiny thannorz. A can't have it off cos it dun't gerrin! (Cries into a thimble).

MTGS:  Well Gary thanks so much for joining us today. We hope things at Duplo work out for you.

GC: Mmmmmmmmmm! mmmmmmm! mmmmmmmmmmmm! What you talkin about Willis?

MTGS: Very funny. I bet noone reading this can even remember you, you short arsed pillock! I see you on the lawn after it's rained! *Black slug*!

GC: .....er......If I put stilts on, I could pretend to be Charlie Williams!

MTGS:  No, he's ace. You're crap. Now fuck off out of the cat-flap and don't come back "Willies"!

CG: Hurr hurr hurrr............................Oh aye!

We learned at this point that in 2001, Gary had punched a lady bus driver for asking for his autograph. We felt bad and stomped on his face and little body until he looked like a liquorice smoker's set you used to get in the 70s! I'm sure that made him feel right at home.