WE LIVE IN A DOG'S ARSE!
Imagine being about three inches tall!
Follow Nobdrops & Twatty on their adventures around someone's house.
Nobdrops squeezed his way out of the dog's arse that he and Twatty lived in.
"Come on Twatty!" He beckoned.
He knew that the dog arse would be in a different room soon, so it was important that they both exit quickly..
Out Twatty came holding his little nose as he did so.
"Jesus!" He shouted... "We've got to do something about the bloody stench in here!" It stank vile--as a dog's arse would do I suppose. Poor Twatty.
Down Twatty fell like a cork. With a "flumf" He landed softly on the carpet like a bastard.
"Nobdrops?" He called, wondering where his little friend had landed. "I'm here" Nobdrops replied
Down and "Bumph!!" Nobdrops did fall and hit the carpet like a toppled hat.
"Ooh me bleedin' head!" He exclaimed. He waited for Twatty to emerge from the dog's arse, rubbing his sore little head.
Twatty caught up with Nobdrops and they went for a walk about. They had to crawl really carefully now since the dog whose arse they live in had had some pups recently. One of them was still in the house. "Careful.."Whispered Nobdrops. "Don't make a sound or the bastard'll have us, if it's anything like its mam!"
..Too late...It heard them and rose from it's basket. "Oh bollocks!" Twatty cried. "It's seen us...we're knacked now!" They stopped in their tracks, wondering how they could escape the eleven inch monster. "I've just farted." Nobdrops told Twatty.
"So have I!" Twatty replied, nervously. They both watched as the pup wearily sniffed at them and blinked clumsily. "We're done for!" They cried.
Just then, the normal sized person spotted the two tiny humans who were about three inches tall. It looked at them in disbelief.
"What the bloody hell's that supposed to be!" It exclaimed in a surprised daze.
The normal sized person quickly jumped up and grabbed the two tiny people who were about three inches tall and scooped them into its fists.
"Ahaaaa!" It said, "I wondered who was nicking me spoons!" The tiny duo shat themselves. Was he saving them from the puppy? Or something else....
It held them in its fists and thought deeply. Nobdrops waved his arms about frantically. Twatty did the same.
"Hmmmmmm... What shall I do with you two little bastards that are only about three inches tall eh?" Mused the larger of the three persons. "Are you going to save us?" They asked.
"CHORTLE!!!!" Laughed the normal sized person. "Not really!" He threw the two tiny people towards the puppy! "Here you go puppy! Eat these bastards! Harr harr harr!!! He laughed manically! The tiny duo tumbled onto the carpet in front of the puppy.
"Eat the bastards!" He ordered. "Eat em good while I watch, all nice n comfy in me chair like!"
The puppy raised itself onto its hind legs in a display of pure preditory skill and prowess. Its claws like pins, its teeth like needles. The tiny duo who were only about three inches tall were no match for this killing machine!
Twatty was instantly taken by the cute pup. It sank its needly teeth into his soft, warm torso like a fork into a teabag. "AAArrrrhhh! Me bastard belly! Help!! Help!! He cried. "Am deeyin'!" Nobdrops watched helplessly, knowing he was next. He sat down and thought of what lies beyond. He wondered if they would go to a normal sized house in the sky.
Twatty was being ripped apart like a ragdoll that was about three inches tall. Bits of him were scattered around.
The normal sized person looked on. It was enjoying a good sit down and a cup of tea while the tiny persons were being ravaged to death by the little puppy wuppy. "This is tops!" He smiled. "Better than Porn!"
Poor Twatty. All that was left of him were his limbs and a tiny head. Bits of him lay scattered about the carpet like a paper bag that's been cut up under a lawn mower. "Glad me carpet's red!" Said the jubilant normal sized bloke.
"Glaaaarrrhhh!!" Screamed Nobdrops as it was his turn to be devoured by the Cannis baby. "Gerroff! Gerroff! Aarrh! Me arse! Me knackers! Me everything! Am deeyin nar too!" He continued as the puppy ripped him to bits before the amused normal sized person. "Lovely" The observer said.
"I love you puppy!" The normal sized person exclaimed when the pup had finished its tearing and goring of the tiny two. "You are fantastic." He drank the rest of his tea and fell asleep in his comfy chair that he loved.
Nobdrops lay in ruins, just like Athens. His body was a terrible state. Bits half gored, others torn. His little head layed silently upon the rug. Poor thing. The normal sized person began to snore. The puppy went for a shite.
Tea in hand, smile on face...it dreamed of things not worth mentioning. Snoring like a saw.
Just then..........
"Twatty...Twatty..... Wake up Twatty... Are you alright mate?"
"Eh?" Moaned Twatty. It had all been a dream. Twatty lay there shaking after his nightmare ordeal.
"You see.." Nobdrops explained, "You fell and hurt your head and knocked yourself unconcious. You must have dreamed loads of bad things as a result."
"Really?" Twatty asked, relieved and quite happy now. "So there wasn't really a little puppy that ate us both and threw bits of us about like offal and used sanitary towels and that?"
"No." Replied Nobdrops. "It was all just a silly stupid fantastic dream." They both stood silent for a moment to think how lucky they both were to be about three inches tall and live in a dog's arse in a normal sized house.
After all that excitement, Twatty looked forwards to getting back up the dog's arse. "He he... But not before an adventure!" They both giggled.
copyright MTGS 2004
Photographed by MTGS,
(Thanks to Rob)
Posed by MTGS & Rob & "Lola"
Photographic manipulation by Trev
Shot at Mark's Pallace
West Yorkshire
England
(No animals were harmed in the making of this story. They were shot in the mouth afterwards though!)