SADDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM!

Today we interview the worlds most famous bloke, Saddam Hussein, in a secret yank location under the watchful eye of some men with guns and large heads.

MTGS: Hello Saddam, and thank you for letting us talk with you.

SH: Aye thas orlrate.... am fed up o talkin to misen in that cell.

MTGS: First of all, how are you being treated here by the US?

SH: It's nice aye. When a first kem ere a thought alt other prisoners were gonna bum mi for being famous, but its just odd yank av ter suck off. If a refuse a dun't get any ice-cream for afters! Aye.

MTGS: Why didn't you just comply with the UN to start with and then you'd have had nothing to worry about?

SH: A din't do owt! Anyway, all a ever did wa tape sum asprin to some fireworks for a laugh when a wa 16, and thuv bin on mi friggin back ever since!

MTGS: So you never planned to kill loads of people with chemical weapons?

SH: A never add any! Yanks just bomb fuck art on my country for t laugh a think! One day a went art ter play tigs wit merts, next thing a knew, 200 yanky tanks were rarnd mi tellin mi ter pack it in, and I ended up ere!

MTGS: So what's the story of you living in a hole?

SH: Aye. That..... A wor fed up on all t babbiz seyin a wor a rate murderin basterd like. So a ad enuff an med a rate pit in me mert's ouse like. I ad all me games , pop n crisps an a Cartoon Network comic an a Beano for company. A dressed like Santa for t laugh anorl, ter mek mi mertes laugh. Onni thing was, a forgot ter put me toiletries in wi it all, an am well known for ayin ter wash missen after av ad a piss or a babber like. So a ad ter gerrart an av a rate gud wesh. That's when t Yanks kem in an sed, "Ahaaa! Found you!! Give us the game or we'll wee in your sink!" Or summert. Bastards!

MTGS: But, weren't you responsible for mass Genesis?

SH: Ner! I ate that Phil Bloody Collins!!

MTGS: No, I mean, slaughtering millions of people.

SH: Ner! Me? A can't even urt a ladybird me thannorz! It's ballax! It's that Nixon or whatever he's callin imself nar, Bush or summert. Mekkin it up ter mek mi look crap on t telly!

MTGS: So what do you think everyone has against you?

SH: Arl tell thi wor it is..... we all had a big meeting a few years ago every world leader like after we all got pissed and played ont playstation. A went ome. Anyway, turns art "Grand Theft Auto 3" went missin from George Bush's collection and I got blamed for nickin it! He kept ringin mi up and offerin mi art.

MTGS: You didn't nick it then?

SH: Did a fuck no! Av gor an X-box, so what do I want it for?

MTGS: George Bush just wanted you out of power then?

SH: Aye e did! E kept sendin mi email tellin mi e wanted mi oil, I just thought e ment e wanted ter bum mi!

MTGS: Well he has it now and he's rubbing his hands thinking of all the cheap oil he can have.

SH: Aye, well he's fuckin welcome ter it! Am never talkin ter im agen! He's nowt but a fuckin user and a two timer! I ope e deez!!

MTGS: Well thanks for chatting Saddam. We're going to ask if you can come for a pint with us, just for an hour.

SH: That ud bi nice. A cud fuckin murder a pint!

Saddam was granted a few hours out for a pint. We all got totally pissed out of our heads then went for a tattoo, but the tattooist was shut so we all had laser eye treatment instead. We found Saddam to be a nice down to Earth bloke.