Author: Bulbasaur Rating: PG
School Daze
Well, the coffee ran out, so I find myself here at the computer. What's a fanfic writer to do with herself? I was thinking about the logistics of people in Pokémon not having to go to school, and here's what a possible alternate universe would be like, where Pokémon journeys took place over summer holidays. And if you own Pokémon, I'd go get a cappacino to calm your nerves. Chasing fic writers is bad for the public image.
The school bell rang, signalling the end of another class. The students grabbed their books and shuffled out, eager to get out of Mr. Oak's boring lectures.
"Now remember class!" he called over the din, "Read Pages 150 through 175 in your Pokédex for tomorrow! And Cassidy, the next time I catch you in here with chewing gum, it's a detention for you!"
The student body swapped places and a new group of students sat before the aging professor, who was quickly preparing a between-class cup of tea.
"Ha HA! If we have a test, Pikachu could help me out with the questions on electric Pokémon, couldn't you Pikachu?" boasted Ash.
"Chu!" nodded Pikachu from on top of Ash's head.
"Yeah, well water's my specialty!" claimed Misty, "And I'm not letting you look off my paper! I'd like to see Squirtle help you out now!"
"Gosh, you're real pretty." babbled Brock to one of the girls in the back of the class. "You say that every day...!" she said, a little worried.
"Yeah, you're pretty every day!" Brock said, as he slid out of his chair onto the floor. The bell rang, signalling the start of class.
"Alright, settle down class!" Mr. Oak said. The class murmured into silence. "Now, first, let's review yesterday's homework: Write a piece of Pokémon related poetry. I composed a draft of one last night myself, as a matter of fact!" He cleared his throat as the students quietly groaned. "I like eating cake and tea, Just my Pokémon and me-yes Jessie?" Jessie put her hand down.
"May I go to the washroom? I need to touch up my makeup."
"But class just started...?" "
You think perfecting a face like this comes easy!?" Jessie gaped, "It takes hours of hard work and self-sacrifice, but it's all worth it!" She heard a snicker behind her and turned around.
"What's so funny James?" James just giggled and handed her a cartoon he had drawn.
"Hee hee, it looks just like you Jess! Eeheeheeheeheehee!" Jessie took the paper and looked at it. Her eyes grew wide and she walloped James with her handy-dandy paper fan. "Chauvinist." she muttered. Mr. Oak held his head and waved his permission for her to leave. Jessie picked up her bookbag, which actually held more makeup than books, and stormed out of the room, stepping on James on the way.
"Erm, let's just leave the homework for now. Today, we'll start a new unit on Pokémon anatomy." He pulled down a chart of a Paras.
"This is a Paras." Ash said, "Whoa, hang on, you lost me!"
Mr. Oak rolled his eyes and said, "Look at your Pokédex Ash." The twerp did so, listened to what the machine had to say, then snapped it closed and proclaimed,
"Wow, I'm gonna catch it!" Misty smacked him with her mallet.
"It's not real, moron!"
"Huuuh? But I wanted to catch it!" Ash wailed. Mr. Oak smashed his head against the wall a few times, then continued.
"As I was saying," he said, "This is a Paras."
"Whoa, you lost me again!" said Ash. Oak nodded to Misty, who hit Ash so hard with her mallet that he collapsed on his desk, little Pidgeys flying around his head. Mr. Oak rolled his eyes and pointed once more to the Paras chart.
"Now observe, class, the mushrooms on a Paras' back. These mushrooms are-" Then a hand went up. "Yes, Pyra?" said Oak, sounding a little tired. The redhead lowered her hand.
"Well Sir, I was just thinking. Wouldn't it be a much more valued learning experience to actually see, hands on," she went starry-eyed, "those ADORABLE little bugs up close?" she blinked hopefully at the professor.
Oak thought a moment, then grinned and said, "Good thinking Pyra! Today we'll be dissecting Paras."
Pyra grinned, then her jaw dropped. "E-e-e-EEEEEVIL!!" she shrieked, then ran out of the classroom, screaming something about getting a good lawyer. Then Jessie came back into the classroom.
She sat down and James whispered to her, "Mr. Oak's got a bunch of Paras!" Jessie said, "Let's swipe them for the Boss!"
"I don't know Jess..." James said slowly, "If we steal a bunch of his Pokémon, Mr. Oak might give us a bad grade! We're both failing Trap Setting class, Social Studies, Home Economics and Fashion Design! We can't afford to fail this class!" Mr. Oak said, "Jessie, James, you two lovebirds had better stop flirting and pay attention or I'll have to give you both detention." Jessie turned a furious shade of red.
"She's evolving into a Flareon!" James squealed in fright.
"Good work James! Remember class, the Eevee evolutions are on the next test!" Oak said, oblivious to the steam pouring out Jessie's ears.
"That's it! Jessie growled, dragging James up to the front of the class to pose, "Prepare for trouble!"
James whimpered, "Make it double...!"
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation, my what a lovely suit you're wearing, Mr. Oak!"
"To denounce the vils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above, I don't know her, honest!"
"Jessie!"
"James, this wasn't my idea Sir!"
"Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now, or prepare to serve detention!"
Meowth jumped in the window, "Meeeowth, dat's right!"
"What are you doing here Meowth?" Jessie said.
"I was waitin' by da window in case youse had a lesson on fried chicken!"
"Meowth, this isn't our Home Ec class!" Jessie yelled, "It's down the hall, Room 107!" The cat shrugged.
"Well, excuse me!" Jessie resumed her pose and picked James up off the floor, where he was begging Mr. Oak to forgive her.
"Now then, we're going to steal all your pretty little Paras for team Rocket!" Jessie cackled.
Ash regained conciousness and yelled, "You won't get away with this! Go Pikachu!" The mouse gave a war cry and leaped off Ash's head.
Jessie threw a Pokéball dramaticly, "Goooo, Arbok!"
"Chaaarbok!" hissed the snake. James looked to Mr. Oak.
"Aren't you going to stop this, Sir?" Mr. Oak shook his head as he blew on a piece of hot tofu.
"Extra credit." he said, stuffing the bean curd into his mouth. James was taken aback. "I destroy things all the time and I never get extra credit!" Ash pointed his finger and yelled, "Pikachu, Agility now!" Pikachu dashed between desks too fast for Arbok to keep track of it.
"Um....Arbok, Desk Attack!" Jessie said. Arbok wrapped its tail around the leg of an empty desk and used it to try flattening the fast-moving mouse. Ash ground his teeth.
"If that's the way you want to play...! Pikachu, Pencil Shavings Attack!" Pikachu jumped, pulled the cover off the pencil sharpener on the wall, and blew the shavings into Arbok's eyes to blind it. Arbok whimpered and tried to rub the dust away with its tail. "You brat!" Jessie shrieked, "Arbok, give it the Knowledge Sting!" Arbok grabbed a textbook in its mouth and spat it at Pikachu. Pikachu dodged, but got slammed by a second book.
"Time to end this Pikachu, THUNDERBOLT!!" Ash cried. Then the door beside Mr. Oak's desk flew open with a bang.
Dozens of Paras scrambled out of the supply room, while Pyra leaned out and called to them, "Run little friends! Be free!" Then she looked up and saw Mr. Oak. He wasn't very pleased. "Eh heh heh...Dissection is wrong!" she grinned.
Mr. Oak grabbed Pyra by the ear and hauled her off to the detention room. Ash looked to Pikachu and was about to repeat his Thunderbolt command, but saw that Arbok was gone and Pikachu had been trampled in the Paras stampede.
"Pikachu...!" he gasped. As Ash ran to his favourite Pokémon, however, Meowth grabbed Pikachu and jumped into the balloon outside the window with Jessie and James. "Bring back my Pikachu!" Ash yelled, as though he really expected TR to give it back. The trio laughed as the balloon rose out of the twerp's reach.
"We'll give your regards to the Boss!" Jessie said cooly.
"Jessie, we shouldn't be skipping class! Ms. Ivy will kill me if I miss Cross-dressing class one more time!"
"Quiet!" Meowth snapped. They all laughed as the balloon floated away. Ash lowered his head, his face full of pain and determination.
"No matter what happens Pikachu, I swear I will get you back and get Team Rocket back for what they've done!" he said quietly. The school bell rang and the students filed out of class. Ash's face brightened.
"Ah well, after lunch!" He grabbed his books and ran to the cafeteria.
The End
Anyone notice the sly self-insert? Ah? Ah? Well, chew me out for it at Pyra_the_maniac@Hotmail.com . Coupons for coffee are welcome too! ^_^
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