Author: Eyewitness Erin
Lucky
Dedicated to the wonderful people who help slowly help remove the knife in my heart. ~*~*~*~*~*~ -To whoever this may concern I want you to know that I am going to kill myself. I know, I know. I should get help, not waste my life. But the help seems to be drifting away, ever so slowly each day. You may think "Oh! I can't believe this! She was so full of life, beatiful, smart, and so lucky!" But that's all not true, I am plain un lucky.
You see, it started a while ago. I was a 6 year old girl, with shimmering diamond blue eyes and thick wavy crimson colored hair. I had it all, a mother, a father, and a good life with people who cared. I felt like the luckiest girl ever, my life was at it's finest peak. And that all changed like the blink of an eye. There I was, a caring sweet lucky girl, with a happy past and hopeful future.
And then I heard the news.
My mother, my only thought, was gone. And I could here her, somewhere in my heart, calling for me. I cried and cried. Did it help? Maybe. It left me in pain, with this somewhat image of a knife slammed deep into my heart. That's how it felt, it hurt more than any other normal cause of pain. It would have been better if I had actually been stabbed, so that the pain would end right then and there.
My father became empty. He had no happy smile or laugh, no feeling of love or compassion toward me anymore. He took up drinking, and often when he was upset he'd scream and hit me. I still have the scar. Kids at my school would say I was sufferering from a diesease because of the bruises. But no, I wasn't, just the diesease of internal pain.
My father got rid of me. Not that I cared. He sent me off to some school for rich kids. I tried to give myself a second chance at life. I wore make up, dressed revealingly, and wore a perfect smile to class and tried to be a sweet, funny girl. Did it work? Sure. Did it help? Not at all. It only made that knife drive deeper. Boys began to notice me, and stare at my curves. I tried to use that to my advantage, to take it in and find happiness once more. But did that help?
No, it made that knife slowly tear deeper. I would cry myself to sleep at night, thinking I was so lucky and fortunate to have my good looks, and that I was popular. Of course, that didn't help one bit. After a while I became shallow inside.
My pain in my heart was so great, I promised I'd never allow myself to be caring or compassionate again. I stuck to that promise, for an extrememly long time. Until one day I met him.
He was tall and thin, sorta lanky like. I pretended to ignore him, but his eyes would look at me with such pain, I couldn't help but feel a sense of happiness, I was not alone. After a while of getting to know him, I felt the knife ever so slowly be removed. But just a little. And my promise to myself would keep resurfacing, and I would keep thinking that I shouldn't think about this boy. But I did.
And when I left the school, he came with me. I met another person. Well, more like pokémon. I hated him. Purely hated him. But ya know, after a while, I couldn't help but feel sorta attached. It was a weird feeling. Maybe it's just me. But I had a promise to keep. Keep myself away from feeling. Time rolled on by, and I felt myself be attached more and more to the boy and the pokémon.
After a while, that knife inside me would become less painful. Not gone, just less. Years passed. The boy became a man, who revealed that he loved me. Remember that knife? It became less and less. After some time, I fell in love with him. And my promise became a memory. I have two things in this world: A man and a pokemon. That's all. Some may laugh at this, how pathetic can you get? Go ahead and laugh. I don't really care.
So maybe I won't kill myself. Ok, so I am in pain. But it's going away through my friends. Maybe, one day, it'll dissapear and I can become the girl I used to be, the one who lives within myself. So though I walk around with 5 cents, a loud mouth pokemon, and an idiotic guy, I feel like the luckiest girl alive.
And you know what? I am.
-Jessie
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