Author: Bulbasaur Rating: PG
Movie Madness
Hey, the movies rock, can you blame me for wanting to write kooky stuff? I didn't think so. And if you own Pokémon, I don't think I need to make excuses any more because I'm helping to fuel the craze. *grins*
It was a regular happy shiny day in Pokéland. Ash, Misty and Brock had managed to evade Bulby and were strolling lesiurely through the forest.
"Hey, we're not completely lost for once!" Misty chirped. Togepi burbled in reply.
"Actually,..." Brock said, sweatdropping, "We've been lost for days. I just didn't want to tell you."
Misty screeched, "WHAT? Arrrrgh, we're always lost!"
Ash just beamed and said, "Yeah, but we always get unlost just in time for me to win a new gym badge!" Misty bopped him with her trusty anime mallet.
"Piiiika..." Pikachu sighed, rubbing the back of its head with a paw. Just then, a bunch of Digletts came swarming down the path. Brock, Misty and Pikachu stepped to the side to let them pass, but Ash was recovering from the mallet blow and got carried away down the forest path, whining like a Mareep on a bad hair day.
"Funny." Brock mused, "Digletts don't usually appear in such large groups. I wonder where they were going...?"
"How do you suddenly know so much about Pokémon habits, Brock?" Misty asked, then realized. "Riiiiight, plot device!" Brock smirked and nodded.
"What's a plot device?" Ash wailed, running back to his friends. Before anyone could say anything, a huge flock of Pidgeys flew past, several of them hitting Ash in the face. Pikachu rolled on the ground laughing as Ash fell on his back and snivelled. Misty and Brock just blinked vacantly. The group then watched dumbly as a Mr. Mime jumped out of the bushes and started freaking out.
"Hey....this seems kind of familiar..." Misty said.
"I know what you mean Misty, it's like all of this has happened before somewhere...except for Ash getting hurt of course." Brock replied. Ash sat up and rubbed his face, and Pikachu caught its breath long enough to see if its master was alright. Shooting a glance at the spazzing Mr. Mime, Ash-tachi continued their little walk. After several minutes, however, a Dragonite carrying a mailbag zoomed out of the sky and mowed Ash down. It bowed and presented Misty with a hologram card.
"Woooooow!" she gaped, as a female figure in an old fashioned dress appeared.
"Greetings Pokémon trainer-type peoples." she said in an unusually sane, yet familiar voice. "I bear an invitation." Misty looked at Brock, expecting him to say something, but he was silent.
"Funny, why did I feel like Brock should have said something?" Misty thought.
The hologram girl continued, "The world's greatest Pokémon master wishes....um...what's my line?" A hologram shoe flew up as though it had been thrown and clobbered the girl.
"Ow! OK, OK! Anyways, um, the world's greatest Pokémon master wishes you to attend her cool hideout on Random Island. A ferry will take you there." The girl snickered slightly, then faded out and a map showed the location momentarily.
"Please respond quickly. We hope to see you th- What do you mean "we?", I don't wa-" The other shoe hit the girl in the head and she whined a familiar whine, then curtseyed awkwardly and disappeared.
"So, should we go?" Misty asked.
"Sure." Brock said, a lot less enthusiastically than Misty had expected. Misty and Brock looked over at Ash, whom the Dragonite was poking to see if he was OK.
The twerp moaned, sat up, and said, "The world's greatest Pokémon master wants to challenge me, huh? I'm saying yes!"
The Dragonite smacked Pikachu, who was eating an important-looking piece of paper, and handed the mangled sheet to Ash to sign. Tucking the document into its mailbag, the Dragonite took off into the sky, managing to kick Ash while doing so.
"OOOOOWWWW!" he wailed, "Why is everything trying to hurt me?"
Pikachu glared up at the sky and muttered, "Pika."
"What's the matter Pikachu?" Ash asked his Pokémon. Pikachu didn't reply. It jumped onto Ash's head, stomping on his face in the process, and continued staring at the gathering clouds. The group noticed that there was a phone booth right beside them and that it was ringing that irritating "Phone call!" drone. Ash hesitantly picked up the phone and said
"Hello?" Prof. Oak appeared on the screen. "Hello Ash." the elderly professor, "I've got a bit of information to help you. Pokémon are more in tune with nature than we are and when something goes wrong, they can sense it. So SOMETHING, SOMEWHERE must be TERRIBLY WRONG...!" He seemed to be hinting at something, but a claw jabbed him in the back before he could hint at anything more.
"Something wrong with nature, or-" Misty asked on a hunch, "-with the plot of this story?" Oak's eyes widened and he struggled, it was now obvious that he was tied up.
"Yes Misty, that's exac-AAAAAH!" A Parasect jumped Oak and knocked over the videophone, and the connection was cut. Ash blinked and hung up the phone.
"I guess we'd better get to Random Island then." he said, completely missing the point as usual.
"Something weird is going on..." Brock muttered.
"And something tells me that we'll get to the center of it at Random Island." growled Misty. Pikachu continued staring silently as the sky from atop its trainer's head. Team Twerp continued walking towards the next city. As soon as they arrived in the next city, Ash, Misty and Brock figured there was something going on.
All the locals were jumping around in bird costumes and someone would occasionally run up to Ash to whoop something about the "Chosen One". Ash-tachi became mildly freaked and made their way to the harbour. Moments after they got in, it started to rain very hard and the wind whipped up.
"Piiiika...." Pikachu murmured to the sky. Then the kids looked over to where an important-looking lady was speaking above the crowd.
"Leesten to me, the prophets have preedicted the return of the Weends of Water. For yeers I have prayed tha-" She paused as the saw the rain outside turn to gentle snow. "...Nayver mind." She turned and left, leaving the mass of trainers to mutter in confusion. Much later, Ash and friends were still waiting for the ferry and the weather outside had turned to large hailstones.
"I don't think the ferry's coming..." Misty said. Togepi chirped for no reason whatsoever. Ash jumped up dramatically.
"The world's greatest Pokémon master is waiting for me! Let's use our Pokémon to get to that island!"
"As long as you go first." Brock replied. Ash ran outside, got clobbered by an overly large hailstone, and then saw that they had no convenient way of getting to Random Island. Pikachu followed, staring sullenly at the waves. Rubbing the large lumps on his head from repeated injuries, Ash watched as a boat pulled up to the harbour.
"You vant to cross, maybe?" the Viking woman in the boat asked, "Ve take you, ya?" The extremely gullible Ash and his equally gullible friends jumped in and the Vikings started to row. Soon after they started out, however, a large wave washed over the boat. Their costumes swept away, Team Rocket floundered in the half-swamped boat.
"It's Team Rocket!" Ash, Misty and Brock yelped.
"Hah! Prepare for trouble!" Jessie said, standing and posing.
"Make it double!" James said, doing the same. They waited a moment, but no wave came along to sweep them away.
"I guess we get tah finish da motto." Meowth said. The entire group watched as a girl floated by, playing a song on a shell-like instrument, then Jessie and James continued with what they were doing.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jessie!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"
"Meowth, dat's right!"
Then Team Rocket noticed that Team Twerp had started swimming away on Squirtle and Staryu. They sighed, and James was about to call out Weezing to float on when a Quagsire swam up.
"Quagsi-ah! Quag, Quag-siah?" it asked in its cute ducky voice.
"It asked us if we need a lift ta Random Island!" Meowth translated.
"Beats Weezing...?" James said. Jessie nodded, and the three Rockets stepped out of their nearly-sunk boat. They held on to the fish-like Pokémon and it started out towards Random Island. Some time later, after the storm had died down a bit, Ash-tachi floated up to the the docking area of Random Island, coughing up water and gaping at the grandeur of the place.
A Parasect stood at the end of the dock, holding a lantern and keeping a watch for any straggling trainers. After Ash, Misty and Brock hauled each other out of the water and recalled their water Pokémon, Ash presented his (miraculously intact) hologram card to the bug, and it beckoned for the kids to follow it. The group trekked up stairs and through passageways, before entering a huge door to a dining hall. The Parasect turned off its lantern and scuttled off to the other end of the room. At the long table sat JamesTR.
"JamesTR!" Ash and company gasped.
"Thaaat's right!" he said, making a ^_^ face. "I got another cameo in one of Bulby's stories!"
"How did you get here? And what's a cameo?" Ash asked.
"It was easy for me, all my Pokémon are water-type!" JamesTR replied. He turned and glared at a Nidoqueen behind him, who pouted and shuffled off. JamesTR then gestured to his Gyarados, Tentacruel, Golduck, Dewgong and Lanturn.
"I rode over on Gyarados' back!" The Gyarados grinned and started chasing its tail.
"Ya haven't met my Pokémon!" a voice objected. Farther down the table a vixen sat next to her Pokémon.
"I'm Zarla, and this is Accident, Callima an' Kitsune." She gestured to her Blastoise, Parasect and Ninetails respectively. Accident and Callima waved, and Kitsune rolled her eyes and flicked her tails.
"Wow, more cameo appearances...." Brock murmured. Ash was getting a headache from all the big words, so he just looked around happily at all the different Pokémon.
"Does anyone know why we're here?" Misty asked JamesTR and Zarla suspiciously. Both shrugged.
"I'm just happy I got a cameo!" JamesTR chirped. Suddenly, the room darkened.
"Seeeect!" the Parasect with the lantern cried, gesturing towards a spiral ramp with a claw, "Parrrrrrasect Parassssect sect rasssect!" All the other Pokémon in the room watched the ramp apprehensively, but their trainers blinked vacantly.
"Um, we can't understand you...." Ash said. The Parasect snorted and pointed again towards the ramp, so the trainers watched it. Through a hole in the ceiling, a darkened figure was lowered on two vine whips, glowing mysteriously. Then, when several feet from the ground, the whips dropped the figure by accident and she crashed to the ground with a yelp.
"Thanks a lot Waggery! You wrecked my dramatic entrance!" she yelled at the retreating whips.
"Liiiiiiiif...Bayliiiiif." an apologetic voice called from the hole. Bulby stood and brushed herself off, then tossed away the flashlight she had been holding behind her back.
"AAAAH! BULBY!" Ash screamed, "Don't cut my hair again!" Brock blushed a bit, then smacked himself.
"Humph, I should have known it was you!" Misty snapped, "You're always the one causing trouble! Can't you just walk your lazy butt to Tim Hortons without bugging us?!"
Bulby grinned. "Nope! Coffee shortages are just no fun unless I harass some trademarked characters."
JamesTR replied, "Having a plot goes against Bulby's very moral code." Then, Lugia crashed through the ceiling and landed in front of Bulby.
"The balance of nature has been upset." he boomed in his deep psychic voice, "And alone my song will fail." Bulby blinked a few times, then said, "Oh, you want these right?" She pulled three coloured glass balls from behind her back and tried juggling, but only succeeded in dropping the orbs and smashing them.
"Oops." she said sheepishly. Lugia sighed. "I guess the chosen one will have to do." He rose into the air and grabbed Ash by the back of his jacket, then soared out of the building through the hole in the ceiling.
However, Lugia misjudged the angle of his flight and he smashed Ash into the remaining chunk of ceiling along the way. The group watched as the majestic Legendary Bird flew off, with Ash wailing pitifully from where he dangled. The group of trainers and Pokémon gaped until Ash and Lugia were out of sight, except Bulby, who laughed until she cried.
"Oh, I DO love hurting that kid!" she gasped, wiping away tears of laughter. Mintyfresh the Parasect put down her lantern and approached Bulby.
"Sssssect, Paras Parasect?"
"Hah, plot? There's no plot." Bulby replied. "Well, other than getting a coffee of course."
"Arrrrgh, Bulby! Why can't you just move to Brazil or something?!" Misty wailed. Before Bulby could reply, the lights flickered off. Amid eerie music, a glowing figure floated down the spiral ramp in the middle of the room.
"Knock it off Mewtwo, I already did the glowing floaty thing." Bulby called. Mewtwo turned the lights back on and landed, casting an indignant look to Bulby.
"I AM the most powerful Pokémon in the world, you could have a little more respect." Mewtwo's cloned Pidgeot landed and set down the eerie music CD player, then wandered over to talk to Mintyfresh.
"So where is the boy?" Mewtwo asked.
"Oh, Ash? Lugia took care of him. Hey, how about you two have a big psychic hissy catfight, where you accidently blow Ash to bits in the process? Huh? Huh? Couldja?" Bulby squeaked, bouncing excitedly. Mewtwo shook his head.
"We're both invincible and undefeatable in our own movies. The battle would go on forever." Meanwhile, the trainers and their Pokémon had started a big game of poker while waiting for a line or two.
"I fold." Zarla said, setting down her cards. Accident looked puzzled, then settled on copying his trainer.
"Noooo, you're not supposed to EAT the cards!" JamesTR admonished his Gyarados. The dragon looked baffled and spat out the cards in a mangled, slobbery pile.
"Hey Mewtwo, if you're not doing anything, could you get Bulby a coffee? Otherwise we'll all kinda be in this fiction until she thinks of a plot...." Brock asked the cat, drawing another card. Mewtwo pondered this for a moment. It would be terribly undignified to fetch coffee for a mere human, but Bulby was the author (and a crazy one at that).
"French vanilla cappacino, right?" he finally sighed. Bulby jumped.
"Geez, could you TELL me when you're going into my mind?! Oy....uh, yeah, that's right." Mewtwo flew off, muttering something to himself. Just as the psychic left, however, the room filled with smoke and evil laughter.
"Team Rocket!" Ash-tachi coughed.
"Prepare for trouble!"
"Make it double!"
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To un-EEEEEEEK!" James cowered behind Jessie and gibbered something about a Gyarados. JamesTR's Gyarados blinked.
"What, you mean Dumbbell here? He wouldn't hurt a fly." JamesTR explained. Meowth leaped into the scene, since he wouldn't get to say his line any more, and the Quagsire who had ferried Team Rocket appeared from behind the Rockets.
"Hey Koji, long swim?" Bulby asked. Koji the Quagsire nodded and waddled off into a back room.
"Hey Team Rocket!" Bulby warbled, "Wanna join our little party? I'll give you a Pokémon to take to the Boss at the end of the fic if you dooOOOooo?" The Rockets shook their heads.
"Sorry Bulby, as much...uh....fun as you are, we can't do anything important in the movies." Jessie explained. James and Meowth nodded.
"Oh, kay then. Well, thanks for dropping by. Have this lovely parting gift!" Bulby tossed James a Pokéball.
"It's a crazed, cross-bred Rattata. Enjoy!" she smiled.
"Uh, thanks...." James blinked.
"And now, for your fancy Rocketshipping send-off! Thank you for participating in Bulby's Fanfiction, Incorporated. We hope to write about you again!" Bulby said, doing an impression of an airline stewardess. She pulled a lever and a hole opened up in the floor under the Rockets. Everyone gathered around the hole to watch.
"Well James, this looks like the end!"
"Sure does Jess!"
"Let's not say g'bye..."
"Let's just say..."
"We're gonna die..."
And with that, Team Rocket hit the water with a loud splash. Bulby and the rest of the group groaned.
"Sheesh, you'd think a pack of dubbers had a gun to their heads..." Bulby muttered. Misty had been silently fuming for most of this time, and now she snapped.
"Alright Bulby, that's enough of your crazy writing! Now find a plot! It's not that hard to find something for Ash to do! And where is he anyways...?"
"Bleh, Pokeshippin'...." Zarla muttered, "I prefer Palletshippin'." Misty gave her a strange look. Bulby took this oppertunity to throw some Midol at Misty and giggle like an idiot. Misty gave Bulby a death glare, and the males of the group nervously backed away, but before the two redheads could tear each other to shreds Mewtwo floated back into the room.
"Here you are." he said in a slightly irritated tone, handing Bulby a cup of coffee.
"Thanks 'Two!" She grabbed the drink and chugged it.
"Ahhhhh, that's the stuff....By the way, how much do I owe you?"
"Monetary funds? I simply blew up the coffee shop. Simple minded-human fools...." Mewtwo muttered. Everyone blinked.
"So I guess the story's over....?" Brock hesitated.
"Yup, guess so!" Bulby agreed. "Mewtwo, think you could take everyone back to wherever they should be?" The cat rolled his eyes and growled something to himself. "Great, thanks a heap! Hope you all had fun, folks!" Bulby said to the group, as Mewtwo lifted them into the air with the power of his mind.
"FUN?!" Misty screeched, "I'm calling my lawyer! Satoshi Tajiri will hear of this!"
"Well, that was diffr'nt." Zarla mused, and her Pokémon nodded in agreement.
"Hey, Bulby hasn't tried to cross-dress me or kill me yet, woo hoo!" JamesTR cheered.
"Where's Ash anyways...?" Brock asked. Then, Lugia flew by and tossed Ash into the air.
"Here you are Mewtwo, you can have him. What a lousy Chosen One, he didn't even ATTEMPT to get himself killed!" Lugia said, then dived back into the sea. Mewtwo took Ash into his psychic glow, while the twerp was still chattering, "Wow, a Lugia! I'm gonna catch it!"
Bulby waved cheerfully to the group as they all flew away into the sky. Turning back to Mintyfresh, Bulby said, "Well now, wasn't that a blast?"
The Parasect frowned. "Sect Parrrasssect!"
"Oh, you had plenty to do. Wasn't it fun attacking Professor Oak?" Before the bug could reply, an Unown floated through the shattered ceiling.
"Aaaaaaaahnowwwwwn!" it sang, floating in circles around Bulby's head.
"Hello there, why aren't you the cutest thing since the fire-breathing St. Bernard!" she cooed, and with that, Entei appeared in the doorway.
"Are you the one who summoned me?" he asked evenly. Bulby took one look at him and went starry-eyed.
"Entei! Hey pal, you ROCK! Wanna play fetch?" She held up a stick and grinned.
Mintyfresh smacked herself where her forehead would be if she had one. Entei nodded.
"If that is what you wish." The Unown chirped and chattered to itself happily.
Mintyfresh shot a strange look at Bulby and wandered off to try finding Celebi.
THE END
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