Author: Bulbasaur Rating: PG
How the Stabbings Start
Late night, ugh, bleh, can't think of a witty header comment. Talk to me when the sun comes up. That goes for you too, all you Pokémon-owner type people.
One day while Ash, Misty and Brock were wandering lost through the unidentified, never-ending-until-it's-convenient forest, a flyer blew into Ash's face. He wailed and grabbed it.
"Wizards of the Coast presents: Pokémon TCG...!" read Misty.
"Tokay...?" Togepi squeaked.
"It says that now you can battle with Pokémon cards instead of real Pokémon!" Brock summarized.
"Well, I'm going to be that greatest Pokémon master of all time, not the world's greatest card player!" Ash said cockily.
"Chu!" agreed Pikachu from the top of Ash's head. Ash threw away the flyer and everyone continued walking. That is, until ominous music and laughter began. Team Twerp groaned.
"To protect our decks from obliteration!"
"To win all the tournaments within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of scratched holograms!"
"To attach enough energy for a grand Slam!"
"Jessie"
"James!"
"Team Rocket expansion, get prizes at the speed of light!"
"Retreat right now, or prepare to fight!"
"Meowth, I'll Bite! (For 2 colahless enahgy!)"
"Team Rocket!" said Ash spitefully, "You're not getting Pikachu!" Pikachu cried its name and jumped off Ash's head, ready to fry Team Rocket with a Thunderbolt at Ash's command. Team Rocket took out packs of cards and started to shuffle them.
"Um, aren't we going to battle?" said Ash, dumbstruck. Everyone facefaulted.
"Where have you been, twerp?" Jessie said, "Nobody battles with Pokémon any more!"
"Yeah!" added James gleefully, "Just try to beat my electric deck!"
Meowth shuffled his cards like a Vegas pro and said dryly, "I could beat dat bucket o' dead batteries any day o' da week an' twice on Sunday! My fightin' deck can't be beat!" "Fine, let's go!" James said. They started dealing prizes, until Jessie whacked them both with a paper fan.
"Later! We have to steal the brat's cards! Besides, my Haymaker deck would mop the floor with both of you." James and Meowth were going to protest, but thought better of it and resumed their poses. "Now, hand over your promo Pikachu, twerp!" Jessie said. Ash was still looking quizzical.
"I don't have any cards." Misty reached into her backpack and pulled out huge stack of cards, bound with a rubber band.
"Misty! You have cards!" Brock said. Misty sweatdropped.
"I was going to tell you eventually...!" Jessie cackled.
"Make decks, give us your best shot!" Team Twerp huddled.
"We could probably beat Team Rocket with a colourless and psychic deck..." said Brock thoughtfully.
"How do you know how to play Brock?" Ash said a little skeptically. Brock panicked and got a huge sweatdrop.
"I just...know!" he stammered.
"Water's my specialty." Misty said with an evil glint in her eye, "Raindance all the way!"
"Fine then, I'm making a deck with everything in it!" Ash said, sifting through the cards.
"And I'll go with a fighting/fire deck." Brock said, "Not that I know how to make one!"
Pikachu protested, "Pika kachu Pi Pikachu!"
Ash translated, "You want to battle Meowth?" Pikachu nodded. Brock said
"Ok then, fight instead of me, I don't know how to play anyways and you can't prove otherwise!" He rushed off down the path towards the next town. Ash, Misty and Pikachu watched for a minute, puzzled, then resumed squabbling over the decks they were going to use.
Twenty minutes later, Jessie said, "Are you almost finished?" Misty beat Ash in the coin toss for the last Super Energy Removal, so she scooped it into her deck.
"Ready!" she said, and sat in front of Jessie to lay out her prizes. Pikachu gave Ash a few more pointers, then Ash sat in front of James.
Pikachu gathered its cards in its little arms and set up in front of Meowth. Togepi sat down in front of the pile of remaining cards and looked at the pictures, burbling happily to itself. Misty looked at her hand. Six water energies and a Psyduck.
"Arrrrgh, now I'VE got a headache!" she roared. Ash put a Bulbasaur into play, pointed his finger dramatically and yelled,
"Bulbasaur, Vine Whip now!"
"It doesn't have Vine Whip, it has Leech Seed, and you didn't attach any energy." James said.
"Sure it has Vine Whip, it's a Bulbasaur! And I was just at the Pokémon Center two days ago, it has plenty of energy!"
"You didn't even read the rules!" James squealed.
"Pikachu, Thunderbolt!" Ash yelled to Pikachu. Pikachu dismissed Ash with a wave of its furry yellow paw.
"Pika ka Pikachu Pi Pika Pika," it said, evolving its Meowth card to a Persian. "Poysain!" Meowth wailed, "I hate Poysains!"
"Pi Pikachu Pika." Pikachu said, putting a pawful of damage counters on Meowth's Hitmonchan.
"Pika Pi!"
"Knocked out...!" Meowth sputtered as the rodent took another prize, "Just you wait 'till I draw my Rocket's Secr't Machine Trainah!"
Pikachu spotted Togepi waving a holographic Chansey in the air, and ran to put the card back into a top loader, during which time Meowth switched a badly damaged card from Pikachu's prize pile for the card on top of its deck. Pikachu came back, drew a card, grinned, and played the Kangaskhan it had drawn onto it's bench.
"Grrr, of all da rotten luck!" Meowth grimaced. Back at Misty and Jessie's game, Jessie switched her Likitung out for her Arbok.
"Come on Arbok, aim for the head!" Misty murmured. Jessie looked at her funny. "Sorry, it's habit." Misty said sheepishly. Arbok knocked out the Psyduck and Misty slid a card out from her bench.
"Go, Staryu!" Then, from Misty's backpack, Psyduck popped out.
"Psy yi?" It looked around, expecting a battle, but there was none. It wandered over to watch Pikachu and Meowth's game.
"4 damage counters! No! Bulbasaur, return!" Ash held out a Pokéball, then remembered.
"Oh, yeah." He tossed the card in his discard pile.
"Hmm, I'm almost out of Pokémon!" James said, "Why haven't you used the Pidgeotto, Muk, Kingler or Tauros on your bench yet?"
"Huh?" Ash looked at his bench. "Oh, yeah, those! Why would I use them when I have a Charmander? I choose you! Flamethrower now!" James shook his head. Pikachu added another energy card to its Jolteon.
"Pika Pika kachu," it said, adding another pawful of glass beads to Meowth's Machamp. "Pika Pi!" It grinned widely and drew yet another prize. Meowth was furious. "I'll show you, ya rat!" He sent out a Primeape and flung the damage counters aside. They hit Psyduck in the head. The duck went cross-eyed and quacked quietly. When Pikachu's Jolteon was fainted, it sent out an Onix.
"Pikachu?" Meowth looked fondly at the Japanese Togepi card they had made a side bet on.
"Of course I don't give up! Meowth nevah says die!" Misty had finally brought out a Starmie. Jessie ground her teeth and sent out a Hitmonlee.
"Thanks for your Pokémon, sucker!" she snickered quietly, thinking of the kid she had traded the fighter to for James' Bellsprout. James had whined because that meant he couldn't use his Victreebel. The Hitmonlee dealt a near-lethal blow to Misty's Starmie. "Hang in there, Starmie!" Misty cried, and tossed a bucket of water. "Oops!" she said sheepishly. All the cards were wet, but some damage counters had washed off Starmie. "Ha ha! Water Pokémon always have the advantage in the water!" Then Jessie's mallet came down on Misty's head. James picked up a card. It was a Pikachu. "Oooohoohoohoohoohoohoo!" he giggled wickedly. "Thundershock, Thunderbolt, I've been fried by Pikachu's attacks so many times I know them off by heart!" The he looked a bit closer at the card. "Spark?! That's terrible!" But he laid down the card anyways and attached an energy.
Ash pointed to his Squirtle and yelled, "Squirtle, Water G-", saw James' exasperated look, and said "Um....Skull Bash?" James facefaulted. Pikachu picked up its final prize.
"Pi ka chu!" it chirped happily. It grabbed the Togepi card and ran off to give it to Misty. Meowth sniffled.
"G-G'bye Togepi. I hope...you'll be very happy wit ya new trainah!" Meowth sulked, then realized that Psyduck still there. In fact the duck was sitting right in front of him. The two Pokémon exchanged a blank look for several minutes, then Meowth held up a card and said, "I'll give ya a Wigglytuff if ya go away."
Psyduck grabbed the card, looked at it, then waddled away, blushing. After a few more minutes of game play, James won out over Ash, who was still wondering why his Pikachu couldn't faint James' Electabuzz in one hit, and Jessie beat Misty, even though all of the cards were thoroughly drenched from Misty's "water advantage". Jessie and James grabbed their decks, posed and laughed.
"We won kiddies!" Jessie said. "Hand over your promo Pikachu!" said James. "Togepi..." whimpered Meowth. Just then, Brock came running back up the path with several shopping bags. He collapsed between Team Rocket and Team Twerp. "Boosters...$5.95...Base Set 2...mall...lots of kids!" he wheezed. Jessie, James and Meowth looked at each other.
"Six dollar boosters?" they said, blinking. Then each whipped out their money and counted.
"I can get two packs!" Jessie cried.
"I've got enough for 4!" James squealed happily.
"Tree for me!" Meowth piped in. They turned and ran off.
"Team Rocket's dashing off again!" Ash sat there, confused.
"How could a Pikachu lose?" he murmured, then clenched a fist. "This field must be rigged!" Misty looked at the Togepi card Pikachu had given her.
"Aw, it's so cute! Pikachu, you're a Pika-pal!" Brock was excitedly tearing open booster packs when Ash said,
"Hey Brock, what are those?" Brock panicked and shoved the cards back into the bag. "Uh, they're, um, the..latest new breeder gear, which definately isn't cards!"
Ash, ever slow on the uptake, blinked and said, "Oh. OK." Then Jigglypuff walked into the clearing.
"Jiggly!" it squeaked. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Ash, Misty and Brock.
"PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" screamed Pikachu.
"PUUUUUF!" it huffed, and started to doodle on their faces, but then noticed the Jigglypuff card Brock had pulled from a booster pack. "Jigglypuff?" it said quizzically, picking up the card. "Puff!" It grinned, held up the card and marker, and ran off to terrorise another town and try to get what it really wanted: someone who could listen to its song AND beat its great colourless deck.
Meanwhile, Team Twerp got eaten by a herd of rabid Kakunas. No one cared. Making characters get eaten by rabid Pokémon is fun fun silly willy! ^_^ Tell me to grow up at Pyra_the_maniac@Hotmail.com , or give kudos if you like.
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