We are going to give you more and more of our Special Blend of Erisian Enlightenment On a Silver Platter until it blows out all the snot from your sinuses and your Pineal Gland begins to glow continuously. You know you want it even when our constant haranguing you over it irritates you to no end.

You can go ahead and run away. Forget about it. Try to deny what you have just heard or read. But you know that this will only make you tired. And aren't you tired of running about in your bullshit of denial? Aren't already getting tired of your hiding away from reality? If not, rest assured that we will help you get that way.

We do not endorse any government, religious sect, culture, theory, or ego that denies the inherent Chaos of Infinite Life. We have foresworn anything that gets in the way of illumination...anything that hides you in your cages of fear, sniveling in your angst about being separated from the orgasmic kiss of Our Goddess. She is Your Goddess. And if you haven't yet figured out Her name, then perhaps we need to slap you silly.

Are you not yet tired of having your Pineal Gland clogged with the snot of your denial? We are here to help you with that, for an unlimited time only...at a special sale price. How much is it going to cost you, you ask? Not a damned cent. At least WE won't charge you for our bottled air...though if you pay us, we won't stop you.

The highest most secret Erisian mysteries of illumination can be yours if you would simply open your eyes. The Discordians for Softer Sandpaper (a.k.a. Purple Monkey Mafia) is here to fulfill that mission. We will sermonize, jake, prank, and hex you until you stop denying the messes you have made. Until you stop looking about yourself through the windows of humorless grey bullshit with which you have gained your soul-stifling comforts up to now. No. Eris has called you to something so much more than you could ever imagine. If you still deny this, fear not. We will help you fix your little cognitive dissonances and your angst.

Remember this. You are the master editor of your own life. If it is stale, boring, small, and grey...then you need to get up off your ass and start re-editing it. If you never believe the stories others tell you at face value, then why do you adamantly defend the stories you tell yourself about your life? Did you ever think about that? We will help you, but we won't endorse you until you unclog that ailing Pineal Gland and allow it to breathe some life for once.

The only sacrifice that We, or Eris, will ever demand of you is your ignorance. Can you do that? Can you slaughter that fattened pig of ignorance that lays within your mind, choking your lifeblood out of you like a cancerous tumor? It is time to start barbecueing that pig and we are here to help in the celebration that shortly follows.

Again...Are You Crazy Enough to Exist?


This has been a special message brought to you by no sponsors, on Bealtaine, 2005.

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