MY POETRY

Lost Love, Broken Dreams

We used to talk about making love during a storm
And whenever it would rain
I would think of you
And all my fears would disappear 
Now, the dream is gone,
I've lost you
Our fantasy will never be real
And when I hear the thunder,
I cry
 
3-95
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He's so kind
So gentle
So loving
He can say so much
With just a touch
A look
He's never harsh
So generous
So passionate
He wants a future
With someone
To build a home
Be a family
Where everyone 
Loves each  other
But not with me 

3-3-94 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Looking Back 

Saw her in the yard today
Beautiful and white
Reminded me of childhood
Must have been a sight
I stared only a moment
But felt an eternity
The kind of thing you only see
Outside the busy city
One simple moment
Brought my first smile today
Made me wonder when
It was all left behind
Dredging through our days
Guess it makes us blind
Overlook the finer things 
Like a child's smile
or a stranger's hail
The simplest thing brought it back
My beautiful snow angel

12-30-98 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lies

Lies, we all tell them
Secrets, we all have them
Something no one knows
I tell you one thing
Something else is true
Some secrets will come out
You have no choice
It's in your fate
Look into my eyes 
Do you see my pain?
Can you see the truth?
Questions,
are the answers true?
I'm lying,
are you? 

2-91
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Haiku

Love is a bullet
It makes your broken heart bleed
No one knows like me 

4-27-94
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am sitting alone
Alone in my heart
With a love unrequited
I love him
But he does not care for me
I shall always be alone
My best friend
Or so I thought
Betrayed the trust I had in her
She, too, does not care
I am alone
They all left
When I needed them the most
Because they do not care
I am forever alone  

1994
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    
Fear

My world crashing in
Everyone screaming
All the world is angry
And they are looking at me
Voices from the past
Enter my head
They are screaming too
The hatred shows in their eyes
I have no one to touch me
No one to hold me
No one to love me.  

6-2-94
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alone Again

Alone Again
What else
How else
Wouldn't know 
What to do
In a pair
Couldn't be
Shouldn't be
Wouldn't know how to be
Always Will
Have to be
May as well
Accept the fact
Alone again  

12-2-97
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
Dreams

Late night romance
One romantic dance 

Your hand on my face
Touching in just the right place 

Succumbing to your charms
Sleeping in your arms 

Wake up-watch you sleep
Tears come-start to weep 

Only moments left to borrow
Now back to sorrow 

Alone once again
Nothing else could have been 

1-7-97
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I could only be.. 

If I could be anything in the world,
I'd be the star in your eye
The smile on your face
The beating of your heart
I'd be everything you ever wanted.
I'd spend my life making you happy
Any way you wanted
If I could only be
I'd be your everything
I'd be smart
and happy
and beautiful
I'd be the everything
I'd be the very breath you take
I'd be the sunshine in the morning
The laugh at lunch.
The comfort at night
If I could only be...
I'd be the dream.  

7-15-98
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dad

You ask me if I love you
and I tell you that I do
You tell me that you need me
I say I need you too
Sometimes I forget
You need to hear the words aloud
It's sometimes hard to remember
With my head up in the clouds
I try to let you know
What it is I feel
But sometimes I lose track 
Of what is really real
And I take advantage
Of the fact you're always there
But when I realize what I'm doing
Is when I hug you like a bear
So the next time that I'm near you
And I give a little squeeze
Realize the I love you
Remember always, please 

1994 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ALREADY GONE 

I broke my own vow
Swore I'd never let it happen
Would never feel that pain
Would never fall again 

Then you came along
And screwed with my plan
You made me laugh
That's how it began 

You were my friend
Snuck in without notice
The passion so natural
It wasn't hard to miss 

You became part of my life
Part of my every day
I began to think of you
In my bed at night I'd lay 

And dream of you
Wondering how I came to feel
Such love for you
How it could be so real

In spite of myself
I'd rush home each night
To think I'd miss you
Gave me such fright 

But I said nothing
I didn't think you felt the same
Thought you only thought of me
As a silly game 

Until one day, I told the truth
Needed you to hear
How much I needed you
And wanted you near 

But I was too late
You had moved on
The lover I needed
Already Gone 

Found another love
To pass the time
The love I feel
Not worth a dime 

3-34-98 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I lie awake alone again
Just wonder where the tears have been
Sleep has yet to show itself 
I set the clock back on the shelf 
Make my way to the fridge
Dare myself to cross the bridge
Stare into the bowls and know
They are the source of my woe
I close the door, turn away
Slowly start to walk away
Lay back in bed and stare ahead
Wonder where it could have led
If only I could take control
Someone might find my soul
I lie awake alone again
And wonder if I'll find my zen
I roll over to face the wall 
And wonder if he'll ever call
It is the closest thing I can find
Happiness is on the line
Will he love me or will he not
Or is it all for naught
I close my eyes and dream of him
Feel the sadness start to dim 

2-24-98 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thinking of the smell of your skin
The taste of your lips
I can almost feel
Your fingers on my hips 

Wishing you were here
Would show you how I feel
The ache in my heart
Only you can heal 

Your breath on my neck
Need to feel your kiss
Without you here
There is so much I miss 

I miss you so much
Want to make it real
Need to feel your skin
Want to whisper how I feel 

Will you come to me soon?
Will you hold me tight?
Curl up next to me
Enjoy a little love bite 

Play a little longer
Then snuggle up together
Drifting off to sleep
Knowing we are forever  

November 30, 1997 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Almost Love 

Just when I thought I'd found it, it slipped away
What I thought was the dawn was really the end of day

So bright and beautiful but over far too soon
Warmth of sun replaced by sorrow of moon 

We should all learn from our pasts
I should have known the feeling never lasts 

But I thought this time it was from above
But it was only Almost Love 

Now I'm caught in the darkness of night
I don't even want to find the light

I'm drowning in my tears
And I can't shake my fears 

I can't believe I fell for my own lie
I never thought we'd say good-bye 

But I have to get up every morning
And hope no one hears my heart roaring 

I'll put on my mask with my hat and gloves
And conceal the loss of my Almost Love 

11-30-93
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Look at the fat girl
Watch her smile
She looks almost happy
Watch how she laughs
She's making plans
She dares to hope
She looks in the mirror
The smile leaves
She's in pain
She wishes she had the power
She decides to do it
She wants to be beautiful
So many emotions
It's funny you know...
She seems almost human 

1-21-97
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's 6am 
Do you know who loves you?
While you sleep in your bed
Do you know who dreams of you?
You live your life
Do you know who needs you?

2-24-98
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
YOU 

Missing you
Thinking of you
Can't concentrate
Can hardly wait
To see you
To touch you
Time crawls by
I wonder why I want you
I watch the clock
Hear my heart knock
Is it time yet?
Everything is set
To see you
To feel you
I'll travel the miles
If I can survive the while
That it will take
For your sake
Just to see you
Just to have you 

5-20-98 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
Alone and Angry
Empty and waiting to be fulfilled
The world rushes around me
I stand in the middle
Alone
Never changing
Always constant
Always reliable
The world rushes around
With all its callousness
All its coldness
While I alone stand in the middle
Watching
Waiting
Wondering
The differences so apparent, yet
Unnoticed
The world and I at odds
I fight without striking
Without words
Only in my mind
And still
The world rushes around
I wonder Is it real?
Or am I the one running
Am I the callous,
the cold one
And they
the ones watching
Understanding
While I try to hide
Or is it simply
That we are both
Running, hiding and watching
The only difference being
Direction 

2-24-93 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The feelings that you spark in me
Continue to set me free
All the thoughts you share
Can't quite believe
The dreams that you weave
Almost feel your warm embrace
Your fingers brushing my face
Wonder if it's all true
The things I hear from you
Wonder if I should really trust
Powerless to stop,
you're already a must
Trying to take it slow
Trying not to let it show
How much I ache inside
How much longer can I hide?
Can I make it until you finally reveal?
Who you really are
And if we can make it that far 

12-29-98
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
Truth 

Can't sleep
Are you lying?
Will you betray?
Me
That ache in my stomach
Trust hiding
Hidden beneath
The smiles
Are you true?
Are you real?
Wide Awake
Wondering
If it could be
If it couldn't be
The Truth  

7-04-98
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Storm  

The storm is my life
Sometimes rougher than others
But tears always falling
Sometimes so gently
you cannot see
But you must step into them to feel
Them on your head
To know them in your heart
The clashes of thunder,
The anger
The lightning is 
The searing of the pain
The tears fall down
To cleanse the earth
But more always remain
And so
The storm never really ends
It just rests beneath the surface
To come another day  

1992
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Winter comes
Everything dies
Then Spring comes 
The rains come
To wash away yesterday
Everything begins anew 
Flowers bloom
What once was dreary
Is now beauty 
How I wish
People too
Could change seasons 

1-27-97
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    
Pease 
Can You
Will You
Have You
Need To
Have To
Can't live without
Please
I beg of you
Tell the truth 

07-05-98
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
Sometimes late at night I let my mind wander
I remember the beginning, that's when I ponder 

I think about how it would feel to wake up in your arms
You have such a loving embrace and a smile the warms 

I fall asleep holding my pillow with a smile on my face
Somewhere in my dreams, I hear your voice and my heart starts to race 

I see you coming home to me, smiling and ready with a kiss
Only in these dreams could I imagine such bliss 

But then the clock buzzes and wakes me
Another lonely day, not much else it could be 

You go home and lay next to your wife
And I dredge through my empty life 

I think about you, and tell myself "a few more days"
I can last a little longer wandering through my haze 

Then I can hope for a few minutes alone with you 
And hope for that special look you do 

The reminds me of why sometimes I might
Lay awake and think of you at night 

3-6-95
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I must be out of my mind
Feelings grabbed me from behind
Someone I've never seen
I must be missing that sanity gene
Up all night talking to you
I wonder if I could sue?
Damn computer's stole my soul
Could I have a worse goal?
Make a stranger love me
For a $20 fee
On line romance...
Must make the phone lines dance
Operators everywhere
Laughing at the pair
So desperate for a chance
They'll put a modem in their pants.  

11-28-97
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Filled with doubts
Plagued by fear 
Will never let 'em see
Not a single tear 
Just can't quite trust
Couldn't take the hurt
Can't happen again
Control is a must 
Learned my lesson
They all end the same
I'm left alone wondering
If they even remember my name 

3-18-97
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My World

Sitting and thinking of you
The ache in my stomach
The heat in my loin
A dreamy look on my eye
They wonder why
And where
I am
Lost in my own world
A world filled by you 

05-20-98
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    
My Life

Boom!
The storm rages outside
While inside I hide
The rain against the windows
While I am the only one who knows
That the storm is not outside only
I, too, am lonely
The storm is my life
Feeling I've been stabbed by a knife
Other times happiness prevails
Sometimes rains
sometimes hails
Wondering when the storm will stop
If I will ever be on top
Will the sun ever shine?
Will my life ever be mine? 

5-91
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    

Her eyes sparkle bright
Reflecting I see the pain
The betrayal is evident
The tears are near to overflowing
Then they do
It trickles down her cheek
Followed by others
Too many to count
I also see the confusion
She wonders what she did
Why are they all so angry
All this I see in her eyes
Wait...
I know her
She is me 

6-2-94
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Memories

Just when I thought it was over
And I no longer thought of what we were 

I visited our old hang out
And I began again with my doubt 

I started thinking about you
And all the things we used to do 

I still remember our first date
I thought you?d be the perfect mate 

I remember holding your hand
And listening to our favorite band 

Oh, and holding you close to me
I truly thought we were meant to be 

It's been a while since I?ve thought about it
For a long time, all I did was sit 

I've thought a lot about the bad times lately
But today I realized we had good times, too, you see 

And that is what I need to hang onto
To know what I should do 

That is to know it was not a waste
Don't forget and be in such haste 

To write the whole thing off as useless
I could have come out with less 

I have a memory or two
And that is more than some do 

08-15-94
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He's so kind
So gentle
So loving
He can say so much
With just a touch
A look
He's never harsh
So generous
So passionate
He wants a future
With someone
To build a home
Be a family
Where everyone 
Loves each  other
But not with me 

3-3-94
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Abuse

I feel the wetness on my face
Does he care? 
See the hate in his eyes 
Don't know where to hide 
Love and fear combine 
Please stop 
The first contact 
Stings my face 
The second  stings my pride
the third  stings my soul 
slowly they hurt 
less & less 
Till I feel no more.  

2-24-99
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Douglas

He's a good man
Trying hard as he can
To make a good life
Strong against the strife
Life knocks him down
Yet he fights the frown
Starts to get ahead
Keeps his daughter warm and fed
Fate plays its trick
He's drowning quick
Swims to shore again
Maybe this time he'll win
Never quits the fight
Eyes still full of light
Might lose a battle
Fall out of the saddle
But never surrender
And always stays tender
Don't let it get to you
And if you feel a bit blue
Have faith in yourself
You always enjoy great wealth
Love is all around
And friends abound 


2-10-99

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    

Gone

Can't hear them talk to me
Where do I want to be? 
Don't care what others think
Searching for that missing link 
What could I have said?
Make you stay instead 
Could have begged you not to go
Would you even want to know? 
Never told you how much I cared
Didn't think I dared 
Didn't want to scare you away
Scared what you might say 
Tried so hard
Left me scarred 
Couldn't let the thoughts show through
Nothing left to do 
Sit and feel bereft
You've already left. 

2-26-96
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~     
Things I Know

I know lots of things
I know that life's not fair
I know sometimes things don't work out right
I know sometimes life throws you a curve
And you just have to learn to cope
I know you've found someone new
But I don't know how to forget you
You told me lots of things
Some good, some bad
You told me that you cared for me
You told me we'd be together
Then you told me you didn't know how you felt
Now you say you've found a new love
But you forgot to tell me something
You didn't tell me how to forget my love
Now I go on with my life I get up every morning
I paint a smile on my face
And I set out for my day
I see people I know
They meet me,
they greet me
But they never see the real me
They ask me for advice
I have all the right answers
I say
Go on with your life
Find someone new
I know all the right things to say
And I know how to smile to hide the pain
But I still don't know how to forget you. 

12-14-93
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Waiting For You

I sit waiting for you
Waiting for some sign that you care  
I almost want to hope
But I don't dare 

I don't want to risk it 
I could never take the hurt 
It happened again last time
And I never found any comfort 

But then you wanted to do it again
I decided to give it one last try 
I thought it would be different this time
But again, I can only cry 

And hope you care just a little
And you'll come to visit soon 
But I sit alone
Staring at the stars and the moon 

Wondering if dreams come true
Or if this is all a lie
And I count the days
Until you say good-bye 

01-25-94

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hatred 

My world crashing in
Everyone screaming 
All the world is angry
And they are looking at me
Voices from the past 
Enter my head
They are screaming too
The hatred shows in their eyes
I have noone to touch me
Noone to hold me
Noone to love me. 

6-2-94

Well, that's all I have typed out for now. I've got TONS more here, but most of it is handwritten, and honestly, sucks even more than a lot of this. *L*

It's not too likely to win any poetry awards any time soon, but I have to say I've read worse. So I hope you enjoyed at least a few of them, and thank you for taking the time to read my little creations.                                                

                                                            ~Trish~

people have honored me by reading my little creations!