| Offensive Jokes Archive |
| What's the differance between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need one nail to hang a picture. What kind of file do you need to make a 10 mm hole a 40 mm hole? A Pedophile. Why is anal sex better then normal sex? It's warmer, tighter and more degrading to women. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob? You know she'll swallow. What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics? Not being retarded. What do you call sex with a mexican? Rape. Why did God create yeast infections? So women know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too. What do you do after raping a deaf, dumb and blind girl? Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone. What's blue and fucks old people? Hypothermia. How do you swat 200 flies at one time Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan. What is the definition of "making love"? Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her. Why do you wrap a hamster in electrical tape? So it doesn't explode when you fuck it. What's yellow and green and eats nuts? Gonorrhoea. What would you call the Flintstones if they were black? Niggers. Why do blacks smell so bad? So the blind can hate them too. What happens when a Jew walks into a wall with a hard on? He breaks his nose A little girl, who has been blind all her life, ask her mother if there is anything the doctors can do to make her like all the other kids. The mother thinks about it and says she'll visit the doctor the next day and see if they have anything new to help. The next day Sarah comes home from school, and her mom says, "look Sarah, the doctor gave me this cream to rub on your eyes tonight and when you wake up in the morning you should be able to see!" Sarah was so excitied she wanted to go to bed right then, but her mother told her to wait. All day long Sarah thought about how great it would be to be like all the other kids at school so she would be made fun of anymore. Then that night her mom rubs the cream on her eyes. It stung a bit, but it didn't hurt too much. The morning sarah woke up and ran to her mother's room and cried. "Mommy, mommy, I can't see what happened??" Her mother replied, "April Fools!!" A man goes to his doctor and says, "I need to get some birth control for my 10 year old daughter." The doctor looks at the man in shock and asks, "Your 10 year old daughter is sexually active?" "No", the man replies, "She just lies there like her mother." A man calls into work sick. This is the conversation. Man: "Boss, I can't come into today. I'm really sick. I've been in bed all day." Boss: "WHAT! Are you crazy? This is the day we are meeting with our most important account!!" Man: "Sorry boss, I'm REALLY sick." Boss: "Just HOW sick can one man be?" Man: "Well for starters, right now I'm fucking my 5 year old daughter." A little girl goes up to her mom and asks, "What's that?" The mom answers, "A vagina." And the little girl asks, "Well, when am I gonna get one?" And the mom answers, "As soon as you grow up." Then the little girl goes up to her dad and asks, "What's that?" And the dad answers, "A penis." So the little girl asks, "Well, when am I gonna get one?" And the dad answers, "As soon as your mom goes to work." Three women were in the waiting room of a gynecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. The first one stopped and took a pill. "What was that?" The others asked her. "Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy." A few minutes later, another woman took a pill. "What was that?" the others asked. "Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong." They continued knitting. Finally the third woman took a pill. "What was that?" the others asked her. "It was thalidomide," she said, "I just can't get the arms right on this fucking sweater!" A spastic kid is visiting Disneyland and having a wonderful time. He make his way over to an ice-cream stall and says 'Hello, can I have an ice-cream please' The guy looks down and smiles 'Of course you can sonny, what flavour would you like?' 'Oh it doesn't matter' Says the kid. 'I'm gonna drop it anyway' There were these two twins, Timmy and Tommy. On Christmas morning, the two of them come scampering down the stairs and find 81 presents under the tree. They begin dividing them up and find that Timmy has 80 presents while Tommy only has one. Timmy begins opening his presents. He gets action figures. He gets video games. He gets movies. Tommy opens his present, and it's one brand new, shiny red tricycle. Timmy starts tearing through his next forty presents. There's a computer. There's a skateboard. There's even friggin' keys to a brand new car! Meanwhile, Tommy gets on his tricycle and starts riding it in little circles in the corner of the room. Finally Timmy gets to his last present. He tears off the wrapping, and it's the exact same tricycle as Tommy got. He looks up at Tommy and says, "Ha ha, I've got eighty presents, and you've only got one." Tommy looks up from his tricycle and says, "Ha ha, I don't have cancer!" A boy and a pedophile are out at night, walking towards the forest. The boy says, "It's dark! I don't like it! I'm scared!" The pedophile says, "You're scared! I've got to walk back out of here on my own!" A little boy is sitting by the sid of road crying, when a pedophile drives by. The pedophile stops his car and get out to ask the little boy what's wrong. The little boy points to a car wreck on the other side of the road and through his tears the pedophile makes out something about his parents dieing in the car. The pedophile pat the child on the head and undoes his belt while telling the child, "Looks like it ain't your fucking day kid." Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? They keep falling through the holes in his hands Whats red, slimy, and crawls up a womans leg? A homesick abortion What do pedophiles like about halloween? Free delivery. What do you get whan you dislocate a baby's jaw? Deep Throat. What do paedophiles and turtles have in common? They both want to get there before the hare! What's the best part about fucking a 3 year old? Hearing her pelvic bone crack. What's the best part about raping a 6 year old in the ass? Watching her breakdown and cry on the witness stand. What's black and has 23 tits? The garbage bag outside of a cancer clinic. What does a def, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas. Cancer. |