Know what I need? I need a phone that I can take with me everywhere. I need a phone that I can use in a restaurant, or in class, or in a movie theater, or anywhere else I can have a lot of people listen to me talk to my friends about all the useless things that I think are so fucking important that I have to talk about them right fucking now and I have to talk about them really fucking loud just to make sure the world knows how I feel about these things... I want to make sure that any one can reach me at any time no matter where I am. Also, I want to make sure it will be absolutely impossible for me to ever ignore my phone again so I'll be sure to pay for things like voice mail and caller ID and just never use them, instead I'll talk to you right now no matter what's going on or how many people can hear me. (sorry about those run-ons but god cell phones suck)
What the fuck?? What did I miss?? When did call phones go from annoying things for fucking yuppies to a requirement of American citizenship? When did the rest of the world decide that they like to talk on the phone so much that they must have one on them at all fucking times? Is the whole fucking world phone-sters? You know, if there's one person I never would have believe would go to the dark side it was Enoonmai. He always bitched about phone-sters and how he hated to talk on the phone. But guess what sits in his pocket as I type this. A FUCKING CELL PHONE!!!! I'm pretty sure I'm the last human alive without a cell phone. God you disappoint me Enoonmai.
There are so many reasons I hate cell phones. I wish I could go through them all but I don't think the internet has enough space to hold all the fury I have for these evil, evil things. You know I don't have a single friend I can call with dialing the area code first... How come every time I really do want to talk to someone their cell phone doesn't ring...? Do you see what kind of retarded crap happens when the whole world has cell phones... and that's not all. We all know they cause car accidents... they probably cause brain cancer... I could keep going but it's just not worth it. But I have one glimmer of hope. Thank you terrorism; please win this one and get all cell phones banned.
Oh, and these guys are fucking sweet... That's it for the rant this week. I'm sorry, I know I missed a lot of important reasons why cell phones suck but I'm getting so pissed I'm going to break my fingers typing.... fuck I hate cell phones. |
