Enoonmai: A How To Guide |
FINALY GRAPHICS! |
Now this page is only for the diehard Enoonmai fan, or the hitman who has been contracted to kill me by those damn whops and thier maffia. Lets just imagine, for a moment, that I am some sort of teen idol, and you really want to know what my favorite color is and if I have ever been in love, blah blah blah, all that shit. Well let me just take this opportunity to flex my crazy and wax poetic about things that don't matter, like I was put onto this earth to do. If you don't like it, you know where you can place your tounge. (Hint: I POOP OUT OF IT.) Enjoy. ROUND ONE: QUESTION TIME! Interview by: Ann Hecke As told by: Enoonmai A.H.: So, Enoonmai, that is an interesting name. Would you mind telling me how you got it? E: Yes I would, but since this is a common question asked of Enoonmai's such as myself I will give you this little hint: SPELL IT BACKWARDS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ITS NOT HARD TO FIGURE OUT. A.H.: Alright, but how does this name relate to you as a person? E: Well, that's easy. People like me don't matter to anyone else until we start killing bitches and eating babies. Wait a second...... A.H.: Well, on another note, what would you say are some of your greatest interests? Do you have any hobbies? E: Wow, what deep and probing journalism! I like music (making, listening to) a whole lot, orange things, drinking, watching football, fist fucking aborigional families. You know, the same old shit anyone you ask this question is going to tell you. As for hobbies, well, I would have to say that the closest I get to having hobbies are going to class and jerking off. That answer your question? A.H.: Yes, quite. E: I thought so. A.H.: Why do you have such pretty eyes? E: I don't think I am going to dignify that question with a response. A.H.: No honestly, I have heard from several reliable sorces that you have pretty eyes and sexy man legs. Do you consider yourself a sex symbol? E: First of all, I would like to know who these so called "reliable" sources are. These people are obviously fools who are in desperate need of sterilization and genital removal. As for the eyes, I use them to see. Other than that, I am not concerned with them; fuck em. The legs, likwise, I use to walk yet also thrust. If it wasn't for the fact that most women don't find amputees sexy, I might consider having them removed so as to make my penis look larger. That is all I have to say about that. A.H.: What is your middle name? E: Danger. Or if you would like to be formal, "Funkmasterorgasmdeitymaximodoublepluskilltechvaginalord". At least thats what the birth certificate says. A.H.: I'm getting kind of hungry. Can I make a sandwhich? E: If I have bread you can do it up magikiss style. Mmmmm, bread. A.H.: Is it true that Hitler didn't do good enough of a job? E: Yes. I've been known to hear that sort of statement and also agree with it. A.H.: Have you heard that I dated Ellen? That I'm a muff diver? E: Hey, thats cool; just keep your nasty snapper breath away from me. A.H.: You don't like the smell of the snapper? E: No no, don't get me wrong here. I am a huge fan of the snapper; the smell, the taste, the discharges, the whole fucking package. Its a glorious thing. But I wouldn't come near Ellen's with the Professor's useless genitals. Not cool. A.H.: If Curtis Mahonney were to have a child, would you open your lava lamp with a bottle opener and drink it? E: That depends way to much on lunar cycles and the gross national product of the three smallest (in terms of total land mass) island countries in the south Pacific, so I can't say right now. A.H.: How do you feel about Meshuggah hecklers? E: OK, this shit really chaps my ass. I come to see a show and you Abercrombie frat shitlord analingus loving Landshark bitch I'm-just-here-to-impress-this-sorostitute-so-I-can-fuck-her-silly-tonight-and-catch-herpies bastards. Man I wish you could just all catch on fire and die in front of me, or maybe I should just show you how it was done in Aushwitz; fuck you I hate you. Just because your simple little mind can't wrap itself around the sonic fist fucking to the rhythm of a fractal trying to be born from the mind of a mass murderer on acid doesn't mean that it sucks or sounds the same. Maybe you should open your ears and quit being such a puppet of mass culture, then you would find some enjoyment in the fun in front of you, and have a much happier day. Smile! A.H.: Moving on now. I am sure that all of our readers would like to know, are you single? Is there anyone in your life right now? E: Are we talking legally here or what? Because if we are then I would have to say that you are the only one in my life right now, but that makes me feel dirty. A.H.: No no, that's not what I mean. I mean, are you single? Whats your story? E: Hmm, how to answer. The short answer is, I currently hold feelings for someone for no other reason than I am a jackass, which I am sure you are aware of by now. A.H.: It has crossed my mind....... E: You see? Exactly. To finish answering your question, the long answer is: I'm open for buisness. A.H.: Alright, but have you ever been in love? E: Thats it, interview over. Get the fuck out of here before I give you a home-style masectomy. Run bitch, run! ROUND TWO: FAVORITES AND LEAST FAVORITES! (list presented in the format as such: category: favorite/least favorite) Actor: Myself / Frank Stallone Bagle: Onion / Regurgitated Crotch: A woman's / The Proffesor's Dictonary: Webster's / Oxford Enis: Like penis / Curtis Female Actor (!): Ryann Davey / Kathy Griffen Gapping Hole: El Spico's ass / Where the Proffesor's brain should be Homeless Style: Crazy / Fecal-tastic Ignorant Shit Eater: George W. Bush / Carson Daily Joke Soloer: Steve from Acme Jam / Not Steve from Acme Jam KKK Anecdote: The one where they linch someone / Hate crime bake sale Language: Fun English / French Magic: Black / Wicca crap white magic Namic: Piccolo / Dende Organ: Brain / Large Intestine Pant Style: Pajama / Hot Queen: CJ (Ha!) / Elizabeth Robert: Marky Rob / The Bruce Sharp Object: Spear / The Proffesor's wit Tuna Fish Meal: Tuna Suprize / No tuna available Underwear: Boxers / Boxer Briefs Vader: The Band / Darth Winnona Rider Film: snuff film, wait...... / Girl Interupted Xylophone: Made of Bone / Made of my bones Yearning: For wisdom / to escape a stench Zebra: The one biting the baker / the one biting the man who is tall ROUND THREE: REASONS THAT I AM SUPERIOR TO OTHERS AND WHY YOU SHOULD STRIVE TO BE MORE LIKE ME! (list presented in such a manor that is not a ranking system, mearly a presentation of ineffable facts) 1. I look like an Elf. What more can you ask? 2. I am a Mental Giant, and if I just didn't have a hard time spelling "Giant", a spelling I am still unsure of, then you should be impressed. 3. My strange sense of rhythm and the drumming that it creates. 4. The Freak. 5. Best "insert 2 words for my favorite thing here" Artist Available? Yes thank you. 6. I have the most beautiful hair available, which has been confirmed by a panel of professionals. 7. Lack of spelling prowis is a mark of genius, didn't you know that? Or are you to stupid to wrap your mind around what I am saying? Fucking simpleton. 8. I speak fun all the time, and yet you probably don't even know what that is, nor speak it, do you? 9. I love nature and animals, so this naturaly lends me powers over them to make your life hell. 10. Who can you run through INTERPOL? 11. The way I speak creates an aura of confustion around me: is he some sort of idiot or did what he just say make alot of fucking sense in the most fucked up way? You don't know. 12. I like to trick and I'm good at it. 13. My last name smacks yours. 14. I'm Polish. 15. My pretty blinkers. 16. My dancing powers, ass slapping fall down dips and all. MORE TO COME SOON......STAY TUNED AND STAY METAL! |