The Professor's list of Tens.
Funness and Funner, my man!
1. Smoking up Acme Jam on Tuesday nights..
2. Adam ant.
3. I am a good spy.
4. Creeping Enoonmai and Spico out with my Liv Tyler page.
5. Telling Enoonmai he has pretty eyes.
6. Labatt Blue - Mainline that shit.
7. Pie
8. Hot redheads with green eyes.
9. One hour photo with Robin Williams... creepy....
10. Another 80s party is on the way!!
Top Ten List of
Coolness
1. Losing my drivers license.
2. Speeding tickets.  Fuck.
3. Being pulled over when I don't have my fucking license.
4. Getting kicked out of my bar for not having my license.
5. When Enoonmai pukes in his trash and leaves it outside my door.  Yuck.
6. Vomiting
7. Boonesfarm - fuck that noise!
8. Women and their trickery. 
9. Drama bullshit.
10. Winter - for that matter, the cold.  I hate the cold!
Ten Things of Major
Uncoolness.
It is entirely possible to evaluate life in Top Ten lists.  Here I shall give you some of mine. 
I trust it is satisfying to the max!!
1.  It's totally crazy.
2.  I dunno, it's crazy.
3.  Could you grab me a Labatt's while you're in there?
4.  GET IN THERE!!!!
5.  I hate you so much.
6.  It smells like eggs!
7.  What were we talking about?
8.  Ah, I see.
9.  Hey, sexy!
10. Sup, baby?
Ten things you should keep away from your genitals:
(ouchy ouchy)
1.  El Spico
2.  Egg Beaters
3.  Sharp objects
4.  Pirahnas
5.  Women with the hiv
6.  Electric pencil sharpeners
7.  Fire
8.  Homeless people
9.  Vacuum cleaners
10. Hot Soup
My Top Ten Repeated Sayings!!
(oh, yeah)
1. Chicken Sandwich
2. Chicken Salad
3. Chicken Stir Fry
4. Chicken Seduction
5. Chicken Foreplay
6. Chicken Hot Sex
7. Chicklets
8. Chickaroolalooo
9. Chicken and Stuffing
10. Using a chicken as a
     puppet, thats fun.
Ten fun Chicken possibilities!
Ten ways to wake up El Spico when he's sleeping on your couch
1. .... ...... hm.... ....
Man, fucking forget that shit.  Jesus, there isn't one possible way to do that.
Ten ways to definitely get some sweet sexin'!!
1. Tell her she has nice boobs.
2. Express your appreciation of her sexitude by humping her leg.
3. Tell her you think she would give great head.
4. Ask her "Hey, do you put out?".
5. Keep Enoonmai's anti-vagina fog far away.
6. Put a hamster in your pocket and wear a cowboy hat.  Then
    watch the love flow.
7. Talk about masturbating as much as possible.
    (i.e., "Man, If I don't get any, I'm going home and cranking
    one off!")
8. Make fun of her ass.
9. Run after her yelling, "WHAT IS YOUR NAME?!??!"
10. Show her your penis.
Ten Justifications for getting drunk at High Noon.
1.  It's not morning anymore.
2.  Seriously, what else are you gonna do?
3.  If I'm awake, it's only because I haven't went to bed yet.
     Get that fucking drink on.  Gotta get to sleep somehow.
4.  It's better than work.
5.  You can get smashed alone and have other things than
     infomercials to watch.  Sweet.
6.  What better lunch than some beer?
7.  You can go to sleep, and then wake up just as the night
     begins.
8.  Hey, what's up with those sharpy commercials?  They have
     some guy who looks like Seinfeld, but he's not!! 
9.  It's easy to be abstract.
10. YOU'RE DRINKING ON GERMAN TIME!!!!
Ten things masturbating beats to the
FUCKING GROUND.
1.  Homework
2.  Sandwiches
3.  Skanky bitches.
4.  Infomercials
5.  Dipping your toes in sulpheric acid
6.  Updating this website
7.  Watching MTV
8.  El Spico's sorry ass blowjobs.  Christ, man.  Seriously.
     If you're going to sell head, do it right.  Dumb mexican.
9.  Listening to Air Supply
10. It's cheaper than GHB.
Ten reasons NEVER to fuck a catholic
1.  She bitches if you pass out while she's saying hail marys.
2.  You do NOT want some priest's sloppy seconds.
3.  Having a Jesus on the wall staring at you while fucking is not cool.
4.  Ever have your soul eaten alive?
5.  All that praying, making signs, and kneeling pisses me off.
6.  Dead chicks tend to move more.
7.  At least mormons believe in polygomy.
8.  The priest gets off listening to your sexual exploits during her confession.
9.  She's fucking catholic, man!
10. If you get her pregnant, she might get a little pissed when she wakes up with
     a coathanger in her.
Top Ten reasons Enoonmai clogs the toilet
1.  All that fiber.  He likes his fiber.
2.  When he drinks, he doesn't poop for days.  He drinks alot. 
     Thats stackin up the poo, man.  Ugh.
3.  The fact that he refuses to shit anywhere but in our toilet.
4.  From all the fiber and racey activies, his asshole is pretty big.
5.  He needed a good reason to buy such a strange plunger.  It's
     shiny.
6.  To inconvenience me.  I was gonna poop next.  There was
     no plunger then.
7.  The toilet doesn't like Enoonmai's poop.
8.  He wipes his ass with fistfulls of toilet paper.
9.  Small furry animals, too,
10. He drinks alot.
Ten reasons to listen to me
1.  I'm the Professor.
2.  I'm right.
3.  The truth usually sucks, and people don't want to hear
     it.  That's why the other Mental Giants resent me.
4.  I am very knowledgeable in the ways of everything.
5.  I recognize Indiana Jones is cooler than James Bond.
6.  I have cool morning hair.
7.  My ass.
8.  I have a ghetto bat in the back of my car.
9.  My wisdom reaches the far corners of the universe.
10. Unlike Enoonmai, I can grow a beard.