The Return of the Hippies
or how I allowed The Pussy to
corrupt my mind
Here's how this follow-up came
about: I was standing outside on the college green, looking up
at the stone platform where several students were setting up
microphones and handing out posters that read, "Peace is
Patriotism", and "Save the Afghans". It was
about 7:30 in the evening, and there were little over a hundred
people at the gathering-- the majority dressed in their warm
Abercrombie coats, Eddie Bauer pants, and Timberland shoes.
But now and then, I could make out the delicate whiff of bad B.O.
and a dreadlock amongst the crowd. People wearing used
clothing they got at Salvation Army and haven't washed since.
But they are few, lost among the Herbal Essence-infused, FUBU-wearing
rich white kids (of course, those wearing Salvation Army clothing
are just as rich. Just they drive New Beetles with leather
interiors instead of those BMW SUVs with leather interiors).
| The rally started, speakers came up and started
preaching about why terrorists hated us (because of our large
resource-consuming needs, and evil corporate favoritism), and
how we aren't making anything better by blowing people up.
Some guy read some poetry, some girl played the guitar, a
woman taught us some Sanskrit chants (om, shantih) and people
clapped and cheered for peace! Even the kid with the
$400 coat had his say about how we should stop buying stuff
and support only local markets. |
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Woah! Wavy Gravy is huge.
|
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Here is this kid's speech:
Hippie in $400 coat:
Crowd:
Hippie in $400 coat:
Crowd:
Hippie in $400 coat:
Crowd:
Hippie in $400 coat:
Crowd: |
So we should boycott big corporations and global
companies because they use oil which is why we are killing
people in Afghanistan!
Boycott! Boycott!
And we should use reusable energy sources, and not oil,
because the big corporations are making us buy the oil to use
their stuff!
Reusable energy! Reusable energy!
And we all have so much, because we use so many resources,
and are rich, and we should use our money to help poor people
in Afghanistan to have stuff like we do. Like clothing
and food. Because they don't have that stuff because we
take all the oil and resources, and don't recycle much.
Recycle! Recycle!
And it should be our duty to give them stuff because we are
rich, like our money and clothing. And we should stop
bombing them. Because they hate us because we use our
power to take their oil and feed our multinational
corporations and stuff. And we should plant more flowers
and smoke pot.
Smoke pot! Smoke pot! |
I was standing next to a friend of
mine, a Northern-Irishman who has spent the last 6 years of his life
in the States, and who is unable to return home because he is wanted
for fighting with cops (it was his sister's birthday, and the family
wanted to celebrate. So they busted some Protestant cops
up). He laughed and said that this is all horse
shit. I had to agree. Yes, its good that they are trying
to send a message, but they are as hypocritical as the people they
protest against. Maybe I wouldn't have been so bothered if
they weren't all members of the Green party, who believe that
isolationism is the key to the future while dressed in Nike shoes
and playing their Playstation 2s in their dorms, driving their
gas-guzzling SUV 18th-birthday presents. They think they are
hippies. They just want to smoke pot. Which is what the
air started to smell like at the time.
After this brilliant rally ended with a wonderful folk-duet (the
chick on the guitar was really good, I should say. But she was
singing with this kid who I swear is a deformed munchkin. He's
really short, like 4 foot 5, but he didn't really look like a little
person. Just looks like he is 12, and he couldn't sing for
shit. Sounded like a failed castrati. You know, those
men who were castrated as kids so that they retained a high singing
voice. Like Urkel), I noticed, after everyone left, that the
ground was littered with posters. And no one was left to clean
it up. Good thing this was co-sponsored by the environmental
club.
| I was kind of let
down. I was expecting so much more (from what I saw in
my MAD magazine collection), such as: naked chicks, a lot more
free pot being passed around, a hearty rendition of "Kumbaya",
police riots, naked chicks, people tripping on acid and
talking about elephant clouds and dancing edible purple, an
evil dean who tried to shut it all down-- resulting in a
hilarious prank-war ending with a sabotaging of the homecoming
parade (yeah, yeah, I know there weren't any hippies in Animal
House, but still), naked chicks, sex. BUT NO! I
was gypped (I am purposely being derogatory towards Gypsies,
because of the hate the rally infused me with). |
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This bus be groovin'.
|
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I've included a little chart to help
clarify things:
This guy spoke at the meeting we had
on September 11 to discuss the attacks on the WTC. He was
clearly tripped out, most likely on a mix of LSD, marijuana, PCP,
and shrooms--- a mix known as Phish Phood--- and tried to share some
of his lovely poetry with us:
"It was all rainbows,
And then there was fire, and bad stuff
And the happy mountain lion cried
To her cub, 'why must man destroy?',
And we were all confused,
And I was like 'Hey man, this sucks',
Little children running
No longer naked,
The flowers all looking like blue."
And then he stumbled through some of his emotions, such as he was
confused and scared, and that he didn't want to even shower
(surprise!), and that although he lived outside Boston in a
upper-class suburban town, he felt the pain of others. I guess
we had to clap for the guy, I am not sure he even knew if he was
there, or if everything was part of a bad trip.
Sometimes I wish it all was.
I am being really hard on these guys,
I know. I am not conservative. Far from it, but when I
think about how these people destroy the idea of liberalism with
their smelly body odor and lack of research or intelligence, it
pisses me off. I respect those who truly believe in what they
do, and actually are informed and understanding of it. Not
those who follow a trend to look cool and get some free pot out of
it. Though I do encourage getting free pot at any juncture
available. Just don't mix important moral and philosophical
ideologies with drug use.
Wait, take that back. Fuck it. Do drugs, they are good
for you, and build strong bones and healthy minds. I'm stuck
in my old MAD Magazine back issues.
-Ace Kendo
Wanna see some real hippies: Go here.
The only respectable type. Ken Kesey was a real man. One
Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is fucktacular. He also wrote a
book about lumberjacks. He will be missed. |
