Notice:

Recently, my client, Ace Kendo, has been acused of writing an exceptionally homoerotic article for the online website, Midwest For Triple Life. This in no way is true, and if accepted as so, would be lible.

Ace Kendo does not enjoy, nor ever has enjoyed, male genetallia (save his own). He does not wish he were a woman, and "go around and have guys constantly gang rape me by shoving there [sic] cocks all around me, sticking them up my fat, hot pussy, my asshole, sticking them in my spreaded lips, and between my tits, while I hold two in each of my palms and masturbate them, then time it just right so that they all cum on my body at the same time, just so I can feel the hot goo stick against me and dry up." This blasphamous allegation is not only incorrect, offensive, and distasteful, but its crude writing style goes to show that the true author of this article only did so with malicious intent. And to add insult to injury, this attack could have been worse, such as a detailed description of a circle jerk or feltching. By only resorting to a standard homosexual attack-style, the true author's lack of creativity insults my client.

Finally, the concluding statetment in this "editorial" is also false: "In short, I love to masturbate to the Dexter's Laboratory. ActionHank's big black lips and rugged beard are just perfect in that cartoon. I masturbate to him quite often, even when I'm being sodomized by my flatmates, sucking their dicks so they'll be my friends." My client has never masturbated to Acion Hank, or to the thought of Action Hank. He only pictures the female cast of Hollyoaks (mostly Johanna Taylor and Elize Du Toit) or models Laetitia Casta or Angelina Jolie when engaged in such actions. Furthermore, this statement is proved false in its conent. Ace no longer lives in Scotland nor has flatmates, and even when he did live in Scotland, his television only recieved five channels, none which featured Action Hank. I assure you, they have looked.

In regards to the above statements, my client has requested that the true writer of the penis editorial be named, as well as pay my client 140 US dollars for damages (or just buy him a Game Boy Advance and Castlevannia Advance).