Ace Kendo Sucks: A diatribe by Punkasss

Is it just me, or is the "Girls of Triple Life" section the stupidest fucking thing in the world? That's a rhetorical question; I know it's not just me. Who's fucking idea was that, anyway? That, also, was a rhetorical question; I know from experience that only Ace Kendo could have come up with that one. He's the only staff member, possibly the only human being alive, who could convince himself that something that stupid could be funny...or whatever. Is it supposed to be funny? What is the intended purpose? Yet another rhetorical question. Ace Kendo made it; it's purpose is to make me want to split my own head open.

I hate Ace Kendo. What the fuck is he thinking when he writes? What kind of crazy, mind numbing substance does a man have to take for this to sound like a good idea: "Well, here's a lovely update about one of the funniest things in the world, white people dancing."?

And I won't even dare to click that link that went with that, knowing the horrors that lie within. Reading an average Ace Kendo editorial is comparable to tearing off one's own asshair.

ONLY TWO FUCKING GIRLS. Is that boasting? "TWO GIRLS READ MY WEBSITE, AND I EAT DICK AND ASS." I hate you, Ace Kendo. You killed my parents and ate their dead bodies. You are evil, and you deserve the full letter of the law for your crimes against decency and accepted sexual preference.

I have to add more to this because, as they say, "Brevity is the soul of shit." In Ace Kendo-esque style, I'm not going to consider whether or not that last sentence is actually funny. I'll just leave it there and try not to think about it. It says "shit." How can it fail?

I believe I remember the original idea for "Girls of Triple Life." I'm almost positive it involved naked pictures of the girls. In the finalized form, they aren't naked, but both of them got gay interviews. If I remember correctly, they both made bad attempts at jokes during the interviews, too. I would check, but that would require stabbing myself in the eyes.

End,

I'm PunkAsss

Seru40: Haha, pure genius. And that's why I put it up. Of course GAY (ACE) couldn't just let his name be dragged through the mud like that so here's his witty retort. Minus the wit.

Why does Punkasss exist:
A response to Punkasss's attack: Ace Kendo Sucks?
A dear old pal of mine and of the Triple Life Website put together a cute little attack against me the other day. It was so lighthearted and silly, that I couldn't help but laugh and clap for joy at his humorous observation. Here, let's take a look at some of his witty ramblings:

Is it just me, or is the "Girls of Triple Life" section the stupidest fucking thing in the world? That's a rhetorical question; I know it's not just me.

It so happens that it is currently the most popular section of the website. And it also happens to be under construction, still, and promises to please more in a few weeks. A work in progress is a work in progress. It was so nice of Punkasss to point out a minor flaw and give us an opportunity to respond, clarifying any further confusion.

Sadly, though, Punkasss was slightly confused in thinking it my fault that the Girls of TL section provided him with such unhappiness. His request that we show 13-year-old Anime Boys providing sexual favors to each other was soundly rejected by the rest of the staff, even Yogurtman, who suggested 13-year-old Anime girls. We apologize that we are unable to satisfy all our viewer's needs. So instead we showcased the first of many girls who appreciate our fine work. Its great to have female fans, and one day you too can enjoy this luxury, Punkasss. But first you must realize that cooties are not an STD, and that itchy sensation on your penis is.

Next he criticized my lovely On the Beat 15, which poked fun at the dancing abilities of white people. Well, I have recieved some complaints from other members of the the supposed "white race," saying that only black people can make fun of white dancing. I just laugh at that, as it is a clear sign that some of my fellow staff members lack a backbone. Can't handle the heat, then don't dance. Its ugly. I couldn't even imagine someone like Iron Snuggles (Seru) trying to light up the dance floor (If you want to learn more about Seru, check here).

I guess what I want to say is that I can't please everyone all the time, and it is a hard thing to do, especially with all the sociopaths, sexual deviants, grossly immature and repulsively reclusive viewers out there. So, in being a resonable man (get off my case, get off my case):

FUCK OFF!

Ace Kendo

Seru40: I'll give you a second so you can try to keep your SIDES FROM SPLITTING. After that stirring piece of writing, which I've used several times to lull myself into my midafternoon nap, Punkasss STRUCK AGAIN. It was like his keyboard spun gold as he typed. COMEDY GOLD.

Ace Kendo: Destroyer of Famalies

What Have I Done?

I realize the error of my ways. I have done myself wrong, and I have done the world wrong. I should have never made an anti-Ace essay. I should have known he would write one back, thus increasing the quantity of Ace Kendo writings in this world. How could I have done something do stuipd? I have burdened the world, and for that I am sorry. It…it was late at night, and I just wanted to write something. I never even stopped to consider the repercussions that myself and others would have to endure.

And that is only where the problems begin, at least for me. I was going to write a lengthy essay to counteract Ace’s, but I needed more to work with than the small piece of garbage that was directed at me. I decided to go for it and actually read his “White Boys Can’t Dance” article, something that I will always regret.

I began reading. “There comes a time when it is necessary to talk about the fundamental stupidity of life. And when it comes to dumb things, a load of dancing white people must be the best example.” THE PURE HORROR TOOK OVER MY BODY, AND I COLLAPSED TO THE FLOOR, SQUEALING AND BEGGING FOR MERCY. Apparently, I was making some loud, frightening noises. The screaming brought my mother into the room. From my temporary immobile state on the floor of my room, I saw my mom look at the computer screen and read its contents. She began to cry bitterly. The article was so gay, she thought it was homosexual pornographic literature. “My baby’s become a faggot, ” I heard her weep. She then got into her car, and drove away. She left town permanently. She left me and her entire life behind. My mother did not want to live with the reality that her son was homosexual. Of course, this was not actual reality. She came to an incorrect conclusion, and it is very important that you remember this.

So now, I have dropped out of school in order to take a job at McDonalds. If I lose this house, I will have to live on the streets, which is something I am not prepared to do. Before she left, my mom left me a letter that I read after I came out of my epileptic seizure some thirty minutes after having read the beginning of Ace’s article. The letter assured me that I would never see her again, and that she was ashamed of what I had become. (Once again, I’m not really gay. My mom just thinks I am. That is very important to your understanding of everything.)

That is how Ace Kendo ruined my life. He took my parents from me, forced me into a life of hard labor, and ruined my chances of receiving a quality Louisiana education. All with his pathetic excuse for comedy. I have said from the beginning that the Triple Life website if more of a suicide assistance program than a comedy site, and Ace has proven this theory true. Really, only one thing keeps me alive, and that is the funny conversation that takes place everyday at my job, working the McDonalds drive through.

PunkAsss: And would you like herpes with that?

Customer: WHAT?!

PunkAsss: Oh, I mean fries. Would you like fries with that?

Fuck, that never stops being funny no matter how many times I do it.

I am better than you,

PunkAsss

Seru40: Better than you indeed. BUT ACE WON'T TAKE THIS LYING DOWN (GOBBLING COCK NO DOUBT). His next rebuttal was surely his greatest. EVER.

Ace Kendo: Joiner of souls

Punkasss is a Fa'fafina: Samoan transexual which have replaced women in Soman society as the dominat sexual figureheads in native dances.

Thank you for your time.

Ace Kendo

Seru40: OH JESUS, GIVE ME A MINUTE TO RECOVER FROM THIS ONSLAUGHT OF COMEDIC GENIUS. Whew, I have never seen such a fine example of what can only be described as an AVALANCHE OF COMEDY. Bravo sir, bravo. Thus concludes this saga, unless Punkasss can somehow respond to that brutal personal attack, and I'm guessing he can't. (Read: Doesn't give a fuck.)