Super Metroid
Videogame perfection.


THE BEST VIDEO GAME, EVER!


Meet Samus Aran.  She'll kick your ass.

Words cannot describe this game... 
So enjoy the barrage of pics:


That be one big mother-fucking metroid.


This statue represents the bosses.  
Note: they do not represent actual size.


The most beautiful title screen, ever.


I will attempt a summary here: Super Metroid starts off at the end of Metroid II.  The last surviving metroid was spared by Samus, and left to researchers for study.  But as you can see in the title screen, things go horribly wrong.  The planet Zebes, of Metroid I, has been rebuilt.  And Mother Brain, larger and more menacing then ever, is behind the kidnapping.

Now, this game kicks major ass.  It rocks.  The levels are huge, atmospheric, and logically devised.  They range from the deserted Crateria, to the heavily vegetated Brinstar, to the watery world of Maridia.  And the music varies from area to area: mechanical in the Wrecked Ship, gothic is the fiery world of Norfair.  And the control is fluid.  You naturally learn to dash, wall-jump, and bomb-jump.  Samus's abilities are exceptional.  

When this game first came out, a lot of the hype centered around its gigantic bosses.  Here's a rundown:

Spore Spawn:  More of a mini-boss, this fucker is in charge of the green area of Brinstar.  He's pretty easy, just roll into a ball, and dodge the falling spores (or blow them away for energy), and then pound him with missiles when he opens up.

Surprisingly, one of the most normal looking bosses in the game. Though Seru recently brought it to my attention, that it looks like a giant throbbing pussy. Hmmm, crusty.

Kraid:  This mother fucker is fucking big. And I mean, fucking
really big. This fucker takes up three fucking screens, two for its
gigantic stomach.  But he's not too tough to beat.  There are platforms around the room, and you can jump on the ones he shoots from his chest.  Just blast him when he opens his mouth.  4 super missiles should do it.


Kraid is an interesting creature. He looks like a retarded iguana, or a fucked up dog-baby. I almost felt sorry for blasting it away. But it gobbled my super missiles like a cheap whore. 

Crocomire:  The "mini-boss" of Norfair 1.  He is actually quite big, but again, not so tough as the later bosses.  Simply blast his open mouth until he falls backwards into a pool of lava. Also, like Kraid, he seems to be some enlarged retarded baby-creature. I felt some pity killing it
Phatoon: The ghost boss of the Wrecked Ship.  Now, the Wrecked Ship is a cool and unique level, and is full of secrets, and those creepy ghosts and funny robots that wander around.  But I never understood its purpose.  Anyway, Phatoon floats around in a phantom form, then materializes, where you can blast its eye.  It reminds me of a jelly-fish with an elephant's trunk, and a large rectum with an eye in it.

Draygon:  Boss of Maridia.  I hate this boss.  Hate this mother fucking boss.  It is a bitch.  A fucking bitch.  You have to destroy four electronic do-hickys around the room, then let it grab hold of you as you shoot your grappling hook into the remains of one of the terminals, and it electrocutes the fuck out of it.  

Now, is it me, or does Draygon look like a fetus?  It sure screams like one.  And its really gratifying to watch it burn.
Ridley:  Another bastard.  He is vulnerable everywhere but his tail, but he flies around, shoots fire, and takes a large amount of missiles to blow away.  You fight him at the beginning of the game, in the space-lab.  And again near the end, in Norfair 2.  Norfair 2 had to be the most difficult levels ever.  These mini-boses, these golden bird-creature whose name I cannot remember, were the hardest fuckers, ever.  Norfair 2 is hell.  And the music there rocks. 

Mother Brain:  The mastermind, literally, behind the whole space-pirate operation.  You first meet up in a classic rematch, her head in tank and all. Not that hard of a battle, just shoot missiles into the glass, and dodge the fireballs.  But this time Mother Brain is full of surprises, when she rises from the ground on top of a monstrously grotesque, part robot, part muscle, body.  Its a tough battle. 

This game is one the pinnacles of the Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES),  and is possibly the finest side-scrolling shooter, ever. Some may argue Castlevannia, Symphony of the Night for Playstation, or Megaman X for SNES, but neither are as satisfying.

There is something gratifying in destroying Space Pirates with Ice Beams, and firing missiles into large egg-sacs in Crateria.  Or finding secret rooms above your space ship as you play around with dash options.

Sometimes I like to pretend that I can roll up into a ball, and drop bombs that propel me into the sky.  I was home this past weekend, where I played Super Metroid for a bit. I went around the house rolled up into a ball, dropping bombs, and searching walls for hidden rooms filled with missiles and superbombs.  Then,  I went up to my sister, rolled into a ball, and attempted to blow her up.  She told me that I was a loser, and walked away laughing.   I wish I had a freeze gun on me at that moment.  Then I would have frozen her into place, and jumped off her frozen head so that I could reach a doorway that held a map terminal.  But I didn't. . .  um . . . well. . .

I hope you own this game.  I seriously do.  You cannot consider yourself complete until you have taken control of Samus, and blasted away space pirates, saving the universe from the evil Mother Brain.  The SNES was the best video game system ever, and this, along with Zelda: Link to the Past, Final Fantasy II & III, Chrono Trigger, Mega Man X, and Super Mario Kart reign as the king of games.  KING OF GAMES!


Super Metroid rates: 

-Ace Kendo