Super
Metroid
Videogame perfection.
THE BEST VIDEO GAME, EVER!

Meet Samus Aran. She'll kick your ass.
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Words cannot describe this game...
So enjoy the barrage of pics:

That be one big mother-fucking metroid.
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This statue represents the bosses.
Note: they do not represent actual size.
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The most beautiful title screen, ever.
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I will attempt a summary here: Super Metroid starts off at the end of Metroid II. The last
surviving metroid was spared by Samus, and left to researchers for
study. But as you can see in the title screen, things go
horribly wrong. The planet Zebes, of Metroid I, has been
rebuilt. And Mother Brain, larger and more menacing then ever,
is behind the kidnapping.
Now, this game kicks major ass. It rocks. The levels
are huge, atmospheric, and logically devised. They range from
the deserted Crateria, to the heavily vegetated Brinstar, to the
watery world of Maridia. And the music varies from area to area:
mechanical in the Wrecked Ship, gothic is the fiery world of Norfair.
And the control is fluid. You naturally learn to dash,
wall-jump, and bomb-jump. Samus's abilities are
exceptional.
When this game first came out, a lot of the hype centered around its
gigantic bosses. Here's a rundown:
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Spore Spawn: More of a
mini-boss, this fucker is in charge of the green area of
Brinstar. He's pretty easy, just roll into a ball, and
dodge the falling spores (or blow them away for energy), and
then pound him with missiles when he opens up.
Surprisingly, one of the most normal looking bosses in the
game. Though Seru recently brought it to my attention, that it looks like a giant throbbing pussy. Hmmm, crusty.
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Kraid: This mother fucker is fucking big. And I mean, fucking
really big. This fucker takes up three fucking screens, two for its
gigantic stomach. But he's not too tough to
beat. There are platforms around the room, and you can
jump on the ones he shoots from his chest. Just blast him
when he opens his mouth. 4 super missiles should do it.
Kraid is an interesting creature. He looks like a retarded
iguana, or a fucked up dog-baby. I almost felt sorry for blasting it away. But it gobbled my
super missiles like a cheap whore.
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Crocomire: The
"mini-boss" of Norfair 1. He is actually quite
big, but again, not so tough as the later bosses. Simply blast
his open mouth until he falls backwards into a pool of lava. Also, like Kraid, he seems to be some
enlarged retarded baby-creature. I felt some pity killing it |
Phatoon: The ghost boss of the
Wrecked Ship. Now, the Wrecked Ship is a cool and unique
level, and is full of secrets, and those creepy ghosts and funny
robots that wander around. But I never understood its
purpose. Anyway, Phatoon floats around in a phantom form,
then materializes, where you can blast its eye. It reminds
me of a jelly-fish with an elephant's trunk, and a large rectum
with an eye in it. |

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Draygon: Boss of Maridia.
I hate this boss. Hate this mother fucking boss. It
is a bitch. A fucking bitch. You have to destroy
four electronic do-hickys around the room, then let it grab hold
of you as you shoot your grappling hook into the remains of one
of the terminals, and it electrocutes the fuck out of
it.
Now, is it me, or does Draygon look like a fetus? It sure
screams like one. And its really gratifying to watch it
burn. |
Ridley: Another
bastard. He is vulnerable everywhere but his tail, but he
flies around, shoots fire, and takes a large amount of missiles
to blow away. You fight him at the beginning of the game,
in the space-lab. And again near the end, in Norfair
2. Norfair 2 had to be the most difficult levels
ever. These mini-boses, these golden bird-creature whose
name I cannot remember, were the hardest fuckers, ever.
Norfair 2 is hell. And the music there rocks. |

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Mother Brain: The
mastermind, literally, behind the whole space-pirate
operation. You first meet up in a classic rematch, her
head in tank and all. Not that hard of a battle, just shoot
missiles into the glass, and dodge the fireballs. But this
time Mother Brain is full of surprises, when she rises from the
ground on top of a monstrously grotesque, part robot, part
muscle, body. Its a tough battle. |
This game is one the pinnacles of the Super Nintendo Entertainment System
(SNES), and is possibly the finest side-scrolling shooter, ever. Some may argue
Castlevannia, Symphony of the Night for Playstation, or Megaman X for
SNES, but neither are as satisfying.
There is something gratifying in destroying Space Pirates with Ice
Beams, and firing missiles into large egg-sacs in Crateria. Or
finding secret rooms above your space ship as you play around with
dash options.
Sometimes I like to pretend that I can roll up into a ball, and drop
bombs that propel me into the sky. I was home this past weekend,
where I played Super Metroid for a bit. I went around the house rolled
up into a ball, dropping bombs, and searching walls for hidden rooms
filled with missiles and superbombs. Then, I went up to my
sister, rolled into a ball, and attempted to blow her up. She
told me that I was a loser, and walked away laughing. I
wish I had a freeze gun on me at that moment. Then I would have
frozen her into place, and jumped off her frozen head so that I could
reach a doorway that held a map terminal. But I didn't. .
. um . . . well. . .
I hope you own this game. I seriously do. You cannot
consider yourself complete until you have taken control of Samus, and
blasted away space pirates, saving the universe from the evil Mother
Brain. The SNES was the best video game system ever, and this,
along with Zelda: Link to the Past, Final Fantasy II & III, Chrono
Trigger, Mega Man X, and Super Mario Kart reign as the king of
games. KING OF GAMES!
Super Metroid rates:     
-Ace Kendo
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