I've just realised that earlier versions of this biography left out this decade of my life. I'd love to say that it was because I was off doing something terribly exciting, but the more mundane reality is that I started dating girls and went into pretty much total denial about my transvestism.
I even grew a bloody beard......
In fact, what I found was that having some sort of sex life (or at least the prospect of one) meant that I didnt need the sexual element of being a transvestite any more. And I guess also that i was enjoying the concept of being 'manly' for a change. Even more mundane a reason was that I spent pretty much the whole decade sharing flats with other people.
What is kind of interesting though is that although I yearned quite strongly for the sort of long term relationships that my friends were all enjoying, and attempt at such a thing ended pretty abruptly and pretty early on. And the reason that was usually given was that I wasnt, in fact, manly in their eyes. I was 'too soft' or 'not assertive enough'. So there were plenty of girls who wanted to be my friend but very few who wanted to be my girlfriend.
Thirties:
It was when I was in my thirties that Trisha was born. Around the age of 32, I was between relationships, and had my own home at last. It was time. The infamous 'Transformation' chain had just started and I bought my first proper wig, makeup, lingerie and some real girls clothes. It felt wonderful, it really did, and I started to dress regularly in the evenings and even to take some discreet photos (long gone, and probably just as well!) Having created someone who could look back at me in the mirror and seem 'real', I had to give that person a name. 'Trisha' came pretty much out of the blue, and I've been Trisha ever since.
Until very recently, this was the most satisfying period of my TV career. In many ways, I regret not taking greater advantage of it, but the world was a very different place before the Internet, and making contact with other TVs just didnt seriously cross my mind. I think in some ways, I was afraid of girls like me and distrusted their motives and sexuality which in retrospect is deeply strange. Men of my generation were very slow in accepting homosexuality and homo-eroticism, even their own, and I think I had a fear of being 'drawn in' to homosexuality in some way. I WAS very immature in some ways, I suppose some of us take longer to grow up than others! All that aside, I finished my third decade as a slim, shaven, quite cute young TV with a small but quite tasteful wardrobe.
Forties:
How things change! When I was 39 I met my wife, fell in love, married and threw out all my gear, photos, mags etc. The lot. I'd done that before, in fact I did it every time I started a new heterosexual relationship. But for almost ten years? Trisha disappeared. The trouble was that I missed her. Dreadfully, and in spite of my love for my wife. Then along came the Internet, and once connected almost the first thing I did was pull up a Search Engine and type in 'Transvestite'. Predictably, I was staggered. So many girls like I'd been. I looked at web pages, read biographies like this and realised that I was far from unique and that the world was full of TV sisters. It was wonderful and very cautiously I started to dress again, and finally bought a wig and makeup. I fully expected to be horrified at the result; ten years is a long time! To my delight, I didnt look bad! A bit battered around the edges, but absolutely not the total grotesque that I expected. Even better, the first time I dressed fully with wig and makeup I experienced that feeling of utter contentment, of absolute relaxation that I know so many TVs feel. Nothing to do with sex,just the feeling of absolute 'rightness'.
Inevitably and with a great deal of trepidation, not to mention guilt, I made contact with other TVs who were interested in me sexually. Over the next couple of years, I met perhaps twice a year with one or other of them ( I wasnt wildly promiscuous and I'm still not.) I write about it elsewhere, but the sex was very fulfilling in a totally different way to 'straight' sex. I did however continue to feel guilt. Quite rightly too - I was being unfaithful to my wife and ethically that's very dubious to say the least.
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