'Will he stop if I want him to?'
'Does he want to be a woman?'
'Is he Gay?'
'Is this a sexual thing that he wants to involve me in?'
You'll need to be able to answer these sorts of questions honestly and clearly even if the answer to some of them is 'I dont know'. Many of us have some confusion over what drives us to be TV, our exact sexual orientation, etc, etc. I'm over 50 and I've been dressing most of my life, and I STILL dont understand some of it. So, in my view, it's OK to admit to honest confusion as long as you dont use it as a cop-out. And dont be surprised if she comes back to you later on some of your 'dont know' answers because if this is going to work, she'll probably want to understand and want to sort things out in her own mind. There will be lots of things that she may well want to know about the female side of you and it's impossible for me to guess what they are likely to be. But there are a few things that it's probably important to make clear:
FIrst - Being a Transvestite isn't something that you have a choice about. You've not made a conscious decision to be a TV - you are one. And you can no more choose not to be a TV than someone left-handed can choose not to be left-handed. It's part of who you are, part of the person that she (hopefully) loves.
Second - Being TV is world apart from being TS. I have friends who are women with a transgendered background (which I think is a far better description than the usual 'Post-Op TS') and while there are some similarities in experience, their drivers and needs are totally different to the average TV. Yes, some of them have gone through a period of cross-dressing while trying to come to terms with their condition, so in that sense you can say that some TVs do go on to transition to their true gender. Not because they are TVs but because their transvestism is born out of confusion about or denial of their true gender. But most TVs do not take that route and have no desire to do so. This is something that I really want to make clear if only because much of the published research tends to focus on transexuality, and while I'm sure that much of this research is sound, it all seems to share one common weakness and that's the assumption that a TV is either some sort of watered-down TS, or is primarily sexually motivated. I'm convinced that both of these views are wrong and I know my view is shared by a lot of TVs and TSs. The relationship between the two is far more complex and I may write something about that here some time. Let's just say that for the purpose of this particular webpage, the likelyhood that someone who presents as TV is in fact TS is very small.
Third - Going back to the above, being TV is not some form of sexual perversion. Pen talks about this a bit in her part of this section, and I'll repeat some of it here. Yes, there is often a sexual element to it, and I'd be lying if I said otherwise. But the extent of this varies from person to person and indeed it can change during the course of one person's life. In my teens, dressing was very arousing in a sexual sense (actually, most things are arousing for a 15 year old boy!). But I no longer get any sexual pleasure from cross-dressing. I dress because it feels right, not because it turns me on. The relationship between being TV and sexuality/sexual arousal is a complicated one but in my experience, most long-term TVs dont dress to get a sexual thrill.
Once you have come clean and spoken to her about yourself, what then? Some women, sadly cannot cope with having a transvestite partner and you may be presented with an ultimatum - quit or leave. I can't advise someone in that position - I don't have the right. All I can do is offer my deepest sympathy and hope that you'll find a way through.
If your partner does indicate that she feels she can live with this thing, you should consider yourself very fortunate. But don't push it. Take things at her pace and respect her limits. She may not want to see the female you. Respect that if you can - it may change. People come to their own point of balance on these things. But there is one thing that's very important. Always remember that she marries a Man. However much she appreciates your feminine side, she will always want to be able to connect with the male you. Much as you may prefer your inner female, you must always make room for the male she fell in love with......