| Here are a few thoughts, stories, poems and other items in praise of mothering! Enjoy! WANT AD FOR THE GREATEST MOM IN THE WORLD JOB DESCRIPTION: Lifelong person needed for challenging, PERMANENT work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills, must be willing to work various hours, including weekends, evenings and frequent 24-hour shifts on call. Some travel required, including trips to primitive campsites, and endless sporting events. No travel expenses reimbursed. RESPONSIBILITIES: Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs money to go to the movies. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Must have abilities with technical challenges, such as stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate multiple homework projects. Must be able to plan and organize social events for clientele of all ages. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute and able to do the disappearing act the next. Must have janitorial experience, especially with picking up misplaced items on the floor. Must always hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT/PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years; without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you. No previous experience required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. WAGES/COMPENSATION: You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could do more for them. BENEFITS: While no health insurance, pension, tuition reimbursement, or paid holidays are offered, the job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs if you play your cards right. |