(P)= Problem
(S)= Solution
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
(P) #2 propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 prop seepage normal. #'s 1,3, and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed
(P) DME volume unbelieveably loud
(S) Volume set to more believeable level
(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground
(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for
(P) Number three engine missing.
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search
(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right", and be serious.
(P) Target radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.
Hail: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
Reply: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to south to avoid a collision.
Hail: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Reply: No. I say again, YOU divert YOUR course.
Hail: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE *NOW*.
Reply: Well, this is a lighthouse....Your call.
2. Incoming fire has the right-of-way.
3. Act unimportant. Officers draw fire.
4. Teamwork is essential. It gives the enemy something else to shoot at.
5. The only thing more accurate than incoming fire is friendly fire.
6. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
7. Don't draw fire...it irritates the people around you.
