The next sunday, the priest took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He began to talk up a storm. After the sermon, as he was returning to his office, there was a note posted on his door:
#1. SIP the vodka, don't gulp.
#2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
#3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
#4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
#5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did NOT "bet his ass".
#6. We do NOT refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
#7. The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are not referred to as "Daddy, Junior, and the Spook".
#8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
#9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was "stoned off his ass".
#10. We do not refer to the cross as the "big T".
#11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper, he said "Take this and eat it, for it is my body." He did NOT say "Eat Me."
#12. The virgin Mary is NOT to be referred to as "Mary with the Cherry."
#13.The recommended grace before a meal is not "Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub, Yeah God"
#14 Next sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, NOT a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
