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"Never take anybody's advice." - George Bernard Shaw
There's something the technicians need to learn from the artists:
if it isn't aesthetically pleasing, it's probably wrong. - Unknown
"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are
any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats."
- Howard Aiken
"Forget the Alamo" - final line of John Sayles' Lone Star
"Digital by day, analog by night." - Gail Dengel
"I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smelly" -me
"The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its
animals are treated." - Mahatma Gandhi
"Wit is educated insolence." - Aristotle (284-322 B.C.)
"What am I on? I'm on my bike six hours a day. What are you on?"
- Lance Armstrong
"Science is an art, not a science."
_
/~\ The ASCII
\ / Ribbon Campaign
X Against HTML
/ \ Email!
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit
atrocities." - Voltaire
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will
annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." - Herm Albright
"I'm not wringing my hands, I'm drying my nails!" - Margaret Atwood
"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the
computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles
per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside."
Robert X. Cringely
"There arises from a bad and unapt formation of words
a wonderful obstruction to the mind." - Francis Bacon
The story goes that a [Russian?] mathematician, suspecting that
the government bakery was fraudulently baking undersized loaves,
began weighing his weekly bread ration. The result was a normal
distribution with a mean that was significantly lower than the
official quota, and so he challenged the bakery. Thereafter, the
mathematician received only loaves that were greater than or
equal to the quota. However, his new distribution of loaves
resembled the tail of a normal distribution which was still
centered below the quota, and he was able to use this as evidence
to challenge the bakery again.
"No matter how thin you slice it it's still baloney."
- Rube Goldberg
"Next year a new one will come out called `Internet Barbie,'
which is really a fat guy claiming to be a hot blonde." - Bill Maher
"You make most of your money in a bear market. You just
don't realize it at the time." - Chris Davis
"Drawing on my fine command of language,
I said nothing." -- Robert Benchley
"Think galactically, act globally." - Bob Benjamin, astronomer
"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence." - Jeremy S. Anderson
Remember - The penalty for bigamy is two wives !!
"We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?"
- Niels Bohr, Nobel physicist, founder of quantum theory
"If you will just start with the idea that this is a hard world,
it will all be much simpler." -- Louis Brandeis
I like a Blackpool breakfast, me - 20 ciggies and a pot of tea.
Lilly Savage
MEN WHO
HAVE TO
TRAVEL LIGHT
FIND THE
35 CENT TUBE
JUST RIGHT
Burma-Shave
A woman can even become a Buddha, but for that she must
first come back as a man. - from Beyond Rangoon
"You can't go around building a better world for people. Only
people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's
just a cage." -- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)
"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists
elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact
us!" - Calvin & Hobbes
"A Canadian is someone who knows how to make love in a canoe"
"Just remember, in 10 years no one will care. In fact most
people probably don't care right now." -- Conrad E. Muller
"Praise the beautiful for their intelligence and the intelligent
for their beauty." -- Casanova
"Education is a wonderful thing. If you couldn't sign
your name you'd have to pay cash." - Rita Mae Brown
It's always darkest before you step on the cat.
"The Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it"
- John Gilmore
"I was raised to be charming, not sincere."
-- Cinderella's Prince, "Into the Woods"
"Computer experts vastly underestimate the time required to
beat the World Champion. Chess experts, on the other hand,
vastly overestimate the time involved" [Hans Berliner, 1988]
Whenever you see food beautifully arranged on a plate, you know
someone's fingers have been all over it. -- Julia Child
"It's never too late to have a happy childhood" - Cutter John, Bloom County
You're one in a million. Which means there are about a thousand
people just like you somewhere in China.
"Doing STRANGE THINGS in the name of ART, and STRANGER
THINGS in the name of CHOCOLATE." - Christina M. Callihan
"You aren't free because you CAN choose -
only if you DO choose."
He's a born-again Christian. The trouble is, he suffered brain
damage during rebirth. --Anonymous
"The church is a hospital for sinners, not a club for saints."
"Most people stumble over the truth, now and then, but they usually
manage to pick themselves up and go on, anyway." - Winston Churchill
The Mahatma Gandhi was once asked, "Mr Gandhi, what do
you think of Western Civilization?" He replied, "I think
that it would be an excellent idea."
"The secret is sincerity, if you can fake that you've got it made."
- John K Clark
"Dying's easy...comedy's hard." - Nell Gwyn
'Only Six computers will ever be sold in the commercial market'
Howard Aiken (The designer of the first IBM computer)
"When my species comes to rule this planet, your name will be
on the protected rolls." - Beldar Conehead
Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will
not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius
will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education alone will
not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and
determination alone are omnipotent. - Calvin Coolidge
"Love and a cough cannot be hid" Francis Bacon
"What this country needs is less people telling us what this
country needs"
"No sooner does man discover intelligence than he tries
to involve it in his own stupidity." - Jacques Cousteau
"AI has completely changed the cow."
Under the Southern Cross I stand,
A can of Fosters in my hand,
A native of my native Land,
Australia, you f###### beauty!
- The Australian Cricket Team Chant (or so I heard)
"The game of croquet, to which I have given such a large portion
of my life, fuses so many different elements: competition, a fine
eye, a sharp mind, a firm stroke, a large amount of patience,
ability to plan ahead and, by no means the least, a control of
one's temper." - Jack R. Osborn
The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the
crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places
no one has ever been. -- Alan Ashley-Pitt
"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to
grow but phone calls taper off."
"As the most participatory form of mass speech yet developed,
the Internet deserves the highest protection from government
intrusion," - the three-judge panel that issued a preliminary
injuction blocking as unconstitutional the Communications
Decency Act.
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable
from a rigged demo." - Thom DeCarlo
"Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which
could only have originated in California." --Edsger Dijkstra
"The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place
where they can do the least damage - MANAGEMENT" - The Dilbert Principle
"If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory."
- Benjamin Disraeli
Fred: "May I rescue you?"
Ginger: "No, thank you. I prefer being in distress."
- `Top Hat,' RKO 1935
"Paradigm shifting without a clutch" - Dogbert
"We humans are a curious sort...
Little girls like dolls and little boys like soldiers.
When we grow up, women like soldiers and men like dolls."
- Monee C. Kidd
"Have the gentleman to haul and draw with the mariner." - Francis Drake
"The man who never dreams, goes slowly mad." -Thomas Dolby
If DSS is a flop, you can always use that 19" dish as a bird
bath, discus, snow sled, chinese hat, hub cap, salad bowl....
Now thats Multimedia!
I bought this book called "Java Programming for Dummies" and
I am completely lost.
"Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace"
- Amelia Earhart
"The value of an idea lies in the using of it." - Thomas Edison
"What sculpture is to a block of marble,
education is to a human soul" - Joseph Addison
"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful
servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has
forgotten the gift." - Albert Einstein.
Make no friendship with an elephant keeper
unless you have room to entertain an elephant.
"I suppose some editors are failed writers, but so are
most writers." - T. S. Elliot
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and the Elvis
impersonators would be dead." - Johnny Carson
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who endowed us
with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
-- Galileo Galilei
"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems."
-- Paul Erdos
"The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new
landscapes but in having new eyes." - Marcel Proust
"Show me a thoroughly satisfied man, and I will show you a failure."
-Thomas A. Edison
"Being famous has its benefits, but fame isn't one of them."
- Larry Wall
"Fanaticism consists of redoubling your efforts when you have
forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
"Reality is for people who can't handle fantasy."
"If you eat less and live longer, over time you'll
have eaten just as much." - Michael Feldman
"Stocks are now at what looks like a permanent high plateau" -- noted
economist Irving Fisher, 2 weeks before the 1929 stock market crash
"There's a fine line between fishing and
standing on the shore like an idiot." - Steven Wright
"Be regular and orderly in your life so that you may be violent
and original in your work." - Gustave Flaubert
A fool and his money are...Hey! Where's my wallet?
"Football exemplifies the worst features of American life:
it's violence punctuated by committee meetings."--George Will
"I feel that true freedom lies within, where I shall never find it."
-- John S. Hall
"Free will is located in or near the anterior cingulate sulcus."
- Francis Crick
"A friend is someone who sees through you, and still
enjoys the view" - Wilma Askinas
"My friends, we are all interested in the future, for that is
where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives."
Sagredo (Galileo Galilei) "You present these recondite matters with
too much evidence and ease; this great facility makes them less
appreciated than they would be had they been presented in a more
abstruse manner." Two New Sciences
"If you look around the table and you don't know who
the sucker is, its you."
You can't win.
You can't break even.
You can't even quit the game.
"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they
attack you. And then you win." - Gandhi
"And to this day it still thrills me to know that if I can get
the program right it will always work perfectly, every time,
just the way I told it to." - Bill Gates
"I was an atheist, until I found out I was God."
"Blood is a special kind of juice" - Goethe
In 1912 an American enthusiast made golfing history, when
she took 166 strokes over a 130-yard hole.
During the qualifying round of the Shawnee Invitational for
Ladies at Shawnewe-on-Delaware, Pennsylvania, she confidently
approached the sixteenth hole for which four strokes were
normally adequate. Her first shot, however, sent the ball into the
Binniekill River, an obstacle which many would regard as final.
When she saw that it floated she boarded a rowing boat, with
her husband at the oars and herself at the prow, wielding a golf
club. For one and a half miles her husband rowed and kept count
of the occasions upon which she had cause to swipe at it.
Eventually, she beached the thing and made her way back
through a forest. Fellow competitors had given up hope of ever
seeing her again, when they heard the cry of 'fore' and saw the
ball fly on the green from a totally unexpected direction. She
completed the hole in just under two hours.
"Government is not suggestion nor persuasion, it is force...and force
is violence. ...When you advocate any government action, you first
must believe that violence is the best answer to the question at hand."
-- Laws of the Jungle, by Allen Thornton
"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly,
and I did. I said I didn't know." Mark Twain
"If I have made myself clear, you must have misunderstood me."
- Alan Greenspan
grrl: about 1000 matches
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"The uniforms of this conflict will be bankers' pinstripes and programmers'
grunge just as assuredly as desert camouflage." Donald Rumsfeld
"The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is
that they be properly armed."
Alexander Hamilton, the Federalist Papers at 184-8.
"When all you've got is a hammer, everything looks like a nail."
- Japanese proverb
"A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for"
-- William Shedd
`Half the failures in life arise from pulling in one's
horse as he is leaping` -Julius Hare (1795-1855)
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax
and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein
"..and we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms
everywhere, and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the
rocks together guys!!" -HHGTTG
"1935 will go down in history. For the first time, a civilized
nation has full gun registration. Our streets will be safer,
our police more efficient, and the world will follow our lead
into the future." - Adolf Hitler
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
"A clever horse is a good-natured one, not an ingenious one."
- Strunk and White
"There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't
know what it's a plan for." - Fred Hoyle
"As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about
it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a
nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!" -- Jack Handy
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
"If we thought this was a trap, we wouldn't be doing it, and as you
know, we have a lot of lawyers." - Irving Wladawsky-Berger, IBM VP, on
using GPL software.
"All the forces in the world are not so powerful as
an idea whose time has come." -- Victor Hugo
"Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"You can safely assume you've created God in your
own image when it turns out that God hates all the
same people you do." - Anne Lamot
"You're only young once, but you can be immature forever."
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with
themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. -- Susan Ertz
"Impoliteness means never having to say you're sorry."
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." - Walt Disney
"Specialization is for insects." -RAH
"An endorsement will be added to your policy to exclude coverage
for loss caused by a computer's inability to properly recognize
a particular date or time." - note from American Family
"The Internet. It just sits there."
"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him."
- Voltaire
"Everything that can be invented has been invented." -
Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899
"That depends on what the definition of the word 'is' is."
--William Jefferson Clinton, 17 August 1998
"Live as one already dead." --Japanese saying
Anybody who thinks a little 9,000-line program that's distributed
free and can be cloned by anyone is going to affect anything
we do at Microsoft has his head screwed on wrong.
-- Bill Gates to George Gilder responding to Java
(shortly before licensing Java and dumping Blackbird)
"I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases
of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed
interstate commerce." -- J EDGAR HOOVER
"When the government fears the people, there is liberty.
When the people fear the government, there is tyranny."
-Thomas Jefferson
"Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is
good is not original and the part that is original is not good."
- Samuel Johnson
"You want to do mankind a real service? Tell funnier jokes." - Og
Good judgement comes from experience.
Experience comes from bad judgement.
- Buster Bunny (Tiny Toons)
"There is infinite hope, but not for man." -- Franz Kafka
"I later learned that every state in the Union, with the exception
of Nebraska, felt disdain for Kansas." --Louise Brooks
"I tried to make it unpleasant for the machine." --G. Kasparov
"Waiter, there's no fly in my soup!" -- Kermit the frog
"kill cross-platform Java by growing the polluted Java market"
- from an internal Microsoft planning document
Love is a matter of chemistry
Sex is a matter of physics
But kinkiness requires engineering
"The scandal isn't what's illegal. The scandal is what's legal."
-- Michael Kinsley
"People demand the freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of
thought which they avoid." - Kirkegarde
"Corrupt politicians make the other ten percent look bad."
--- Henry Kissinger
BTW, did you know that in the 20s one of the grand whopeedoos of
the Klan who helped to bring about its reemergence owned a bed
sheet company and made a bundle!
"The advancement and diffusion of knowledge is the only
guardian of true liberty." -- James Madison
The Las Vegas yellow pages lists 135 pages of "entertainers"
compared to 143 pages of attorneys.
"Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others."
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
"After ecstasy, laundry." - Zen writing
There's only 1 lawyer in Lawyerville, New York.
"Less is more, more or less..." - Mary Laude
"I'm no constitutional scholar, and I'm certainly no political pundit,
no political expert... Do me a favor: the next time in fact, before
the next time we elect a president, I'm begging you, will somebody
please do a background check?" - David Letterman
"A liberal is the guy who leaves the room when a fight starts."
--IWW leader "Big Bill" Haywood.
"I choose free libraries as the best agencies for improving the
masses of the people, because they give nothing for nothing.
They only help those who help themselves." - Andrew Carnegie
Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter much since nobody listens.
Q: What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenburg?
A: One's a huge flaming Nazi gasbag, and the other's a dirigible.
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea. If this is
tea, please bring me some coffee." - Abraham Lincoln
> Does anyone know the index of refraction for Linoleum?
At what wavelength?
"I had learned that those who are lying or trying to cover
up something generally make a common mistake - they tend to
overact, to overstate their case." - Richard Milhous Nixon
"Ambition is so powerful a passion in the human breast, that no
matter how high we achieve, we are never satisfied." - Machiavelli
A)bort, R)etry, B)uy a Macintosh?
"It is a melancholy reflection that liberty should be equally
exposed to danger whether the government have too much or too
little power." - James Madison
"You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays
everybody's crazy." --CHARLES MANSON
How about slipping out of those wet things and into a dry
Martini? - Noel Coward
"My friends, it is not good to be without a servant in this
world; but to be without a master, it appears, is a still
fataler predicament for some." - Thomas Carlyle
2 + 2 never equals 5, even for large values of 2.
"If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its
freedom, and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money that
it values more, it will lose that too." -- W. Somerset Maugham
"There's a 40% chance that I'm a meteorologist." --- J.A. Beran
"Java is not the enemy. Sun is the enemy." - Microsoft newsletter
True power and wealth are of the mind.
"I bet the human brain is a kludge." -- Marvin Minsky
"Darling I missed you" she said, and fired again.
"All models are wrong. Some models are useful." -- George Box
One dies only once, and it's for such a long time -- Moliere
... MONEY TALKS! ... but all mine ever says is GOODBYE!
floggings will continue until morale improves
The fundamental particle of morality is called the moron.
"I really take exception to having the compiler
treat me like a moron." - Greg Kaiser
"The central conservative truth is that it is culture, not politics,
that determines the success of a society. The central liberal truth
is that politics can change a culture and save it from itself."
- Daniel Patrick Moynihan
"Explicit permission required for distribution in Microsoft Network."
Mathematicians write symphonies.
Scientists create instruments.
Engineers build music boxes.
"I don't care what you say about me as long as you
spell my name right." - Charlie O. Finley
The network is the computer... but a very slow one.
"God is dead." --Nietzsche
"Nietzsche is dead." --God
"I cried when I had no hat until I met a man who had no head."
- Anonymous
"Cochran's even got OJ believing he didn't do it." - Jay Leno
"OO is a tool, not a religion, and not a philosophy."
- Robert C. Martin
Standard opera plot: The tenor and the soprano want to
make love, but are prevented by the Baritone.
"None of the opinions expressed above are necessarily those of the
University of Sheffield Union of Students, the University of Sheffield,
Sheffield City Council, Sheffield Clay Pigeon Racing Society, Sheffield
Development Corporation, or anyone else in Sheffield.
They do however represent the majority view in Barnsley." - Joe Otten
"Giving power and money to the government is like giving
whiskey and car keys to teenage boys." - P.J. O'Rourke
Orthopedist: as strong as an Ox and twice as smart.
Let me use my damn OS in peace, OK? I don't knock your OS,
don't knock mine, goddamn it. - Colin D. Cashman
"One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain
of a new idea" - Walter Bagehot 1826-1877
"Paradigm is a word too often used by those who would like
to have a new idea but cannot think of one."
-- Mervyn King, Deputy Governor, Bank of England
"Paranoia can reduce security." --Nick Maclaren
"I require only three things of a man: he must be
handsome, ruthless and stupid." - Dorothy Parker
Traveler, there is no path.
Paths are made by walking.
-Antonio Machado
"Peace will come when the power of love is greater
than the love of power."
main(k){float i,j,r,x,y=-16;while(puts(""),y++<15)for(x
=0;x++<84;putchar(" .:-;!/>)|&IH%*#"[k&15]))for(i=k=r=0;
j=r*r-i*i-2+x/25,i=2*r*i+y/10,j*j+i*i<11&&k++<111;r=j);}
- Ken Perlin
Optimists believe this is the best of all possible worlds.
Pessimists fear this is true.
"Programming is like pinball. The reward for doing
it well is the opportunity to do it again."
"The truth shall set you free, but first it will piss you off."
The real destroyer of the liberties of the people is he who
spreads among them bounties, donations and benefits. - Plutarch
"He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points
clearly to a political career." - George Bernard Shaw
Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes
and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum
tubes and weigh only 1 1/2 tons. ---Popular Mechanics, March 1949
The wages of sin are death, but after taxes are taken out,
it's just a tired feeling - Paula Poundstone
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.
In practice, there is no relationship between theory and practice.
"You mustn't let it make you conceited.
Pride is one of the deadly sins."
"And it's better to go for the lively ones." --Christopher Fry
The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away.
"Mild-mannered programmer/analyst by day, unconscious,
mild-mannered programmer/analyst by night..." - Shane Hudson
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
"Writing is like Prostitution: First you do it for the love
of it. Then you do it for a few friends. And finally you do
it for money." -- Moliere
"...a man of great talent will normally pay less attention to other
people's foolishness than would a fool." -Proust
"In the past we've seen powerless conservatives create
McCarthyism, the John Birch Society and water flouridation
hysteria just as we've seen powerless liberals create
Psychology, Sociology, Anthropology and Political Science."
- P. J. O'Rourke
"Do not be proud of your knowledge. Listen to the ignorant and
the wise. Art has no limit, and no artist's skills are perfect.
Truth may lie as hidden in the earth as copper, or it may be found
at play upon the lips of maidens bent above their grindstones"
- Ptah-hotep, Egyptian teacher,c.2540 BC
lifes a bitch, then it has puppies
Strange women, laying in ponds, distributing swords
is no basis for a system of government.
- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
"If we do not succeed, then we face the risk of failure."
-- Dan Quayle, Vice-President of the United States
"It only stands to reason that where there's sacrifice, there's someone
collecting the sacrificial offerings. Where there's service, there is
someone being served. The man who speaks to you of sacrifice is speaking
of slaves and masters, and intends to be the master." -- Ayn Rand
"Beverly Hills is a nice place to be a rat."
- Ray Honda, a Los Angeles County health inspector
"Why did I pick reality?" - Albert Brooks
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable
one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore
all progress depends on the unreasonable man." - GBS
"When you were born you cried, and the world rejoiced.
Try to live your life so that when you die you will
rejoice, and the world will cry."
If You Know What You're Doing, It's Not Research!
"Risk is extra life." - Michael Klein
There are two rules for success in life:
Rule 1 - Don't tell people everything you know.
If we teach everybody, including, say, high school students,
habits of skeptical thought, they will probably not restrict
their skepticism to UFOs, aspirin commercials, and 35,000-year-old
channelees. Maybe they'll start asking awkward questions about
economic, or social, or political, or religious institutions.
Perhaps they'll challenge the opinions of those in power.
Then where would we be? -- Carl Sagan
>CHOCOLATE RULES AND IT KEEPS ME SANE. :-)
Are you SURE it's working??? :)
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K LeGuin
If I became a philosopher, if I have so keenly sought this fame for
for which I'm still waiting, it's all been to seduce women basically.
- Jean Paul Sartre (quoted in _Harpers_, Jan. 1995 p. 25)
My music isn't modern, it's merely badly played. - Arnold Schoenberg
If it smells, it's biology.
If it blows up, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's PHYSICS!
"Early versions of the (scrabble) tiles were coated with a
chemical tasty to dogs, so replacements were big business."
- from Janet Maslin's review of Word Freak by Stefan Fatsis
I have a secret way to make $1mil from the Internet.
I will share my secret for one million dollars.
"Sentiment without action is ruination of the soul"
"The environment's in trouble -- and the more it suffers,
the tougher it is on your skin." --Seventeen Magazine
"What do you get when you combine SGI with Microsoft?
Answer: Microsoft." - Joke going around Siggraph 98
"No one who cannot rejoice in the discovery of his own mistakes
deserves to be called a scholar." - Prof. Donald Foster
"We learn from history that we learn nothing
from history." - George Bernard Shaw
"If I neither say that a thing exists, nor deny it, nor neither,
nor both, then it will take a very long time to dispute me"
-- Sherpan philosopher
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sig, sig, bo big, banana fanna fo fig, me my mo mig, sig!
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- Sarah Biery
"Everything should be made as simple as possible,
but no simpler." - Albert Einstein
"It's difficult to get a man to understand something when his
salary depends upon his not understanding it." - Upton Sinclair
I want to die peacefully and in my sleep, like my grandfather.
Not screaming and in terror like the other passengers in his car.
"I slept with a woman once... and I thought, 'Am I gay? Am I straight?'
Then I realized... I'm just slutty! Where's *my* parade?" -- Margaret Cho
"Smile more, gentlemen! Serious face doesn't imply
intellect: the most stupid things in the world are
done with this very face..." - Baron M.
"Don't assume that the inclusion of a smiley will make the recipient happy
with what you say or wipe out an otherwise insulting comment." -- RFC 1855
Please remove the
"spam.spam.eggs.sausage.and.spam"
if you want to email me.
- Tiny Green Frog
It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
The juvenile sea squirt wanders through the sea searching for a
suitable rock or hunk of coral to cling to and make its home for
life. For this task, it has a rudimentary nervous system. When
it finds its spot and takes root, it doesn't need its brain
anymore, so it eats it.
"Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease." - Elizabeth Kougianos
"What really irks them is, it is true a lot of factories are empty,
and it seems illogical to them that a country that once produced
160 million metric tons of steel now produces closer to 80 and 90.
They can't see the reason is nobody wanted all that steel."
- Jeffrey Sachs on Communist economists in Russia
"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."
- economist Herbert Stein
"The stock market is like sex: its best just before it ends."
"I'm straight but not narrow." - bumper sticker
"The only stupid question is the one that remains unasked."
"Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and
getting out of the way before it is understood."
"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close
they were to success when they gave up." - Thomas Edison
The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is
probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners.
-- Ernst Jan Plugge
"Software without support is hardware." - JR/1999
"Surf first and ask questions later!"
"Steel cures." - surgeon's motto
"The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws." --Tacitus
Talk Small and Carry a Big Class Library
"We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are."
- The Talmud
"The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky" -- Solomon Short
"Yield to temptation -- it may not pass your way again"
- Lazarus Long
"Theories are like mice: they pass thru 99 holes,
but the 100th stops them." - Voltaire
"[Do not] put too much confidence in experimental results until
they have been confirmed by theory." ---Sir Arthur Eddington
"What's another word for thesaurus?" - Steven Wright
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices. -- William James
"...thought is impossible without an image." - Aristotle, 325 B.C.
Die, foul thread! - bruce
"We helped Einstein invest his money. What makes you think
you should go it alone?" - poster in TIAA-CREF lobby
"One man's trash is another man's trash"
"You don't have to be a college graduate to put 2 and 2 together.
Spring Break + Drunkenness + Disrespect for rules and authority +
Sex in Lifeboats = Trouble." - from a posting to rec.travel.cruises
"There are three eternal elements,
They are truth, love and courage
Upon them you must stand if you want to survive
In this world of confusion"
"Big whorls have little whorls
that feed on their vorticity,
and little whorls have lesser whorls
and so on to viscosity." - L.F.Richardson
"The difference between the right word and the almost right word
is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug."
- Mark Twain
"Bill Clinton's election as President is the worst thing that ever
happened to Tyson Foods and the state of Arkansas. It's brought
us nothing but headaches and misery." - Tyson spokesman
Unix: The only computer virus with a user interface.
(such as it is...)
"Most software isn't designed. Rather, it emerges from the
development team like a zombie emerging from a bubbling vat
of Research and Development juice" - Alan Cooper, "About Face"
"The problem with the global village is all the global
village idiots." - Paul Ginsparg
"It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established
authorities are wrong." - Voltaire
"It doesn't matter if you piss a few people off,
if you know they're wrong." --George Vukelich
"Being Hitler can ruin your appreciation of wacky sitcoms."
- James "Kibo" Parry
"Government is not reason. Government is not eloquence. It is force.
And, like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master."
- George Washington
"A person with a watch knows what time it is, a person with
two is never sure."
"I divide men into those who think of women 90 percent of the
time and those who think about them 99 percent of the time.
I was a 90-percenter." - James D. Watson
There are three categories of those entitled to use 'We' in the
first person: Royalty, Editors, and People With Tapeworms. -- Mark Twain
"This redistribution of wealth is trickier than I thought."
- Dennis Moore
"What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not
yet been discovered."- Emerson(1803-1882)
The most beautiful things in the world are those from
which all excess weight has been removed. - Henry Ford
"Keep Ted Turner and his goddamned Crayolas away from my movie."
-Orson Welles
"Use of the Internet by this poster is not to be construed as
a tacit endorsement of Western Technological Civilization or
its appurtenances." - from Stirling Westrup's sig
"I never entertain wicked thoughts...Wicked thoughts entertain me."
"You know, the best Wiener schnitzel I've ever eaten in my life is
not that much better than the worst Wiener schnitzel I've ever
eaten in my life." - diner at Danube in New York
"An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called
an idea at all." - Oscar Wilde
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of the pox !"
"That, my Lord, depends on whether I embrace your principles
or your mistress"
John Wilkes to The Earl of Sandwich, Parliament, November 1763
"Never murder a man who's committing suicide."
- Woodrow Wilson's political dictum
"Being on the tightrope is living, everything else is waiting."
- Karl Wallenda
"If the almighty had consulted me before embarking upon the
creation, I should have recommended something simpler."
- Spanish King Alphonso X, "the wise"
"If engineers designed buildings the way programmers
write code, the first woodpecker that came along
would destroy civilisation."
"More than any other time in history mankind faces a crossroads.
One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total
extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly."
--Woody Allen
"Short words are best and the old words when
short are best of all." -- Winston Churchill
"Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several
thousand things that won't work." - Thomas Edison
"Writing is an occupation in which you have to keep proving
your talent to people who have none." -- Jules Renard
Trust the computer industry to shorten "Year 2000" to Y2K. It was
this kind of thinking that caused the problem in the first place.
"If you come to a fork in the road, take it." -- Yogi Berra
Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances." -- Dr. Lee DeForest, "Father of Radio & Grandfather of Television."
"The Atomic bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives." - - Admiral William Leahy, US Atomic Bomb Project
"There is no likelihood man can ever tap the power of the atom." -- Robert Millikan, Nobel Prize in Physics, 1923
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." -- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers ." -- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." -- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
"But what . is it good for?" -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."-- Bill Gates, 1981
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us," -- Western Union internal memo, 1876.
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" -- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible," -- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)
"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper," -- Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind." "A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make," -- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out," -- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible," -- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this," - - Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.
"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy," -- Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.
"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." - - Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value," -- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre, France.
"Everything that can be invented has been invented," -- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899.
"The super computer is technologically impossible. It would take all of the water that flows over Niagara Falls to cool the heat generated by the number of vacuum tubes required." -- Professor of Electrical Engineering, New York University
"I don't know what use any one could find for a machine that would make copies of documents. It certainly couldn't be a feasible business by itself." -- the head of IBM, refusing to back the idea, forcing the inventor to found Xerox.
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction." -- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon," -- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." -- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
(
geocities.com/troop_1515)