doctor1

“The Doctor Is In”

   There was one point in my life when I thought nothing mattered. My 'High Anxiety' was at the peak. I could hardly look at a tall building without scaring myself and wanting to run back into my basement apartment. I felt safe there no one bothered me. This phobia had control of my entire life. Finding a job was quite difficult. I couldn't work in a building where my office would be on a floor that was high up and I also couldn't accept a job that required me to travel on an airplane. This restricted my working to the cafe on the corner. It is a very small quaint little restaurant where height and vertical objects where no problem. The farthest I'd have to go up was on a one step stool to get more napkins out of the cupboard.
It wasn't until I was almost 18 that I realized how much of a problem this really was. I never liked to fly, but then again, I never had before. I also never liked upper floor hotels, but once again, I hadn't stayed in more than one. Last year of high school, senior class trip, we were flying to Hawaii for a one-week getaway. I had built up my confidence enough that I thought I could manage to keep calm just this once... wrong. It was the most horrifying thing that I had ever experienced in my life.

~Flashback to senior trip~
   "Everyone have their carry-on luggage together?" Mrs. Van Buskirk asked all of the excited graduates. "WHOO!" everyone yelled back at her, except me. I stood in the back quietly, alone. "Oh my God, I can't believe that the heights girl is actually going on this trip!" One of the preppy girls, Jenny announced loudly. Perhaps, she thought that I wouldn't be able to hear her, but I could.
    We all filed onto the plane, luckily my seat was in the front, the aisle so I wouldn't have the tendency to glance out the window and I also wouldn't be around all my rowdy classmates that were sitting in the back. Mrs. Van Buskirk sat down next to me. "Looks like we'll be flying partners!" She said in her cheery little voice. She was our class sponsor and also the only teacher in the entire school who I could tell my problems too. I didn't even feel comfortable talking to one of the guidance counselors. I'd rather talk to Nancy, Mrs. Van Buskirk that is.
    "You sure this whole flying thing isn't going to be a problem. You know this is an eight hour flight, non-stop." Nancy told me. "I think I'll be all right." I mumbled as I fastened my seatbelt as tight as it would go. "Only if you're sure." She said standing up to give final instructions to the class. About an hour into the flight, as we were flying over Albuquerque, I began to fell my high anxiety taking over. Asthma set in, I took out my inhaler and began to use it vigorously. Then proceeding to do the breathing sequence that my doctor said would help. Neither of these things did. We were 30,000 feet in the air no place I could go. Nancy was taking care of some rowdy guys at the other end of the plane while all this was happening. "Nancy!" I tried to yell gasping for air. "Mrs.........Van.....Bus......kirk......" I tried to say through my gasps. "Um, I think that the weird girl is talking or something." Brittany, another one of the preps said laughing and pointing. "Oh my!" Nancy came running back to the front of the plane. "Excuse me miss, flight attendant... we need to stop in New Mexico, she can't continue on this flight." Nancy had the young attendant tell the pilot to make an emergency stop.
    As soon as we landed, my breathing and heart rate slowed down. I was okay after all. But one thing was for sure, there was no way in hell that I was going to get back on that plane today, or any other day for that matter. No way, no how. I was never flying again.

~Back to Now~
   And I kept by my word ever since, I've never flown anywhere else. If I need to get across country, I'd rather walk than step foot on a plane. Trains work very well to travel rental cars work nicely too. Just no planes. I start work at six thirty in the morning. I was feeling rather unstable today. Not sure why, just a little shaky. I've never missed a day of work and I wasn't about to start. I slowly walked down to the corner to the cafe. When about twelve large military airplanes flew over. I couldn't figure out what was going on. There weren't any military bases around for a quite a ways. I simply kept on walking humming a song to myself.
   I arrived at work exactly on time as always went through the normal routine of opening the restaurant. Turned on the TV, and saw a ‘highlight’ from last night’s edition of ‘Fear Factor’ they made a man skydive. I thought back to the plane ride senior year, what if that plane would have crashed? I pictured myself in that man’s position. High Anxiety! I fell to the floor, gasping for more air; I couldn't even manage to reach into my pocket for my inhaler. I hardly managed to regain my composure when the first customer came in. It was someone I hadn't seen in almost six years. Mrs. Nancy Van Buskirk. "Hello dear! I didn't know you worked here." She greeted my in the same cheery voice I remembered. "Hi." I mumbled still having trouble breathing. "Oh dear, Annie, you don't still...." She trailed off. I simply nodded. "Listen honey... I'd like you to go see this specialist. He can really help you." Nancy handed me a business card.
"Dr. Kevin Richardson – Licensed Therapist Exclusively Focusing on Anxiety and Depression – in a new technique of medicine never before practiced professionally in the United States."
    I read from the card she handed me. "Thanks..." I said quietly. "Uh, Nancy, sorry to do this, but we're going to close early." I added. "How early?" Nancy asked. “Right now. I need to go make an appointment for Dr. Richardson’s practice.” I told her. “No problem dear, I need to get back to the clinic too.” Nancy said as she walked towards the door. "You're into professional counseling now?" I asked her before she left. Nancy nodded, "Graduating class of '95. There was a Miss Morgan that inspired me." Nancy winked then walked out the door. I can't believe that I actually inspired her to become a counselor. Amazing.
    I quickly made a sign saying that the cafe would be closed. I stepped outside into the bright morning sun. I went to the curb and hailed a cab. "The Lochner Building on LaGrande please." I told the cab driver. "Right away miss." She said pulling away. "On a nice day like this, you should be out enjoying the sun more!” I said making conversation with the driver. "I have to do my job miss." She answered. "This'll be a long drive, you can call me Anniece or Annie." I told her. "Hello Anniece, I'm Rosy." She smiled into the rear view mirror. “Hi Rosy. Could you do me a favor? Wait outside the building for about ten minutes. I just need to run in and make an appointment quickly.” “Sure Ann. No problem.” She smiled again. “Thanks.”
     A short time later, we arrived at the Lochner Building on LaGrande. “Be right back.” I said quickly getting out of the cab.
     There was a short slender woman sitting at the front desk with her blaze red hair pulled back into a tight bun and her small round glasses pulled down onto her nose. “I need to schedule an appointment with Dr. Kevin Richardson please.” I said as I approached the desk. “Are you Anniece Morgan?” She asked. I nodded. “Go right through that door. Dr. K is expecting you.” She said not looking up once. “Alright. If the cab driver comes in, give her this.” I handed the woman some money. I figured if I was going to be here for a while talking to the doctor, since he was already expecting me, that Rosy might not want to wait for me.