| Title: My Love Is Author: Ana Disclaimer: If I owned Buffy and Angel they would be where they deserve.... in each others arms. I hope that in some world, they are. They’re Joss’s, Fury’s, etc. The four lines at the beginning of this fic belong to the song “My love is” by Billy Myles Rating: A slight R, I hope it makes you cry a little, in a good way! Is there such thing? Spoilers: None. Timeline: This takes place after “The Gift” in BtVS and “No place like...” in AtS Summary: Angel attends to Buffy’s funeral. AN: You will recognize some lines: they were taken from BtVS and I chose them for their special meaning to the fic. Feedback: Please send it to BAalways@msn.com My love is longer than forever And endless as the march of time ‘Till ninety-nine years after never In my heart you’ll still be mine /It’s Buffy. It’s one of those days when little drops of rain seem to be suspended in the air and a mist of fog and angel’s tears surround you. The sun had set a while ago and he remembers how she enjoyed this time of the day, when she started to think of patrolling, and they would talk about her day or something ordinary desperately holding on to that piece of normalcy. It was only Buffy and Angel, not vampire and Slayer. In those moments they were defined by who they were rather than what. The minister’s words penetrate sharply in everyone’s ears. “We commend to almighty God our sister, Buffy Summers and we commit her body to the ground. “ He can’t remember what he should be thinking. Their time together? What do you know about this? You're never gonna die! It was easier not to feel. Not to feel the pain and the haunting whispers of her words in a time they allowed themselves a little happiness. You think I want anything to happen to you? Do you think I could stand it? “Earth to earth ashes to ashes and dust to dust. The Lord bless her and keep her. “ I'm sixteen years old. I don't wanna die. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t catch when you fell. I’m sorry I was marvelling at my reflection in the sunlight when you were fighting the hardest battle of your life. I’m sorry I took that day away from you. I’m sorry you never felt like a normal girl, falling asleep in the arms of your normal boyfriend. I’m sorry you only had a few short months to live, eighteen months of love and happiness I could have given you. I’m sorry I gave away my humanity and you died anyway. I’m sorry I left. Vampire with a soul... human “Earth to earth ashes to ashes and dust to dust. The Lord bless her and keep her.” How am I supposed to go on with my life knowing what we had? What we could have had? I am never going to see you walking down the altar towards me. Xander will never tell you another joke. I will never get to see you heavy with my child. You will never hold your sister after a nightmare. I will never hear your voice. Willow will never have your shoulder to cry on. I will never see you laugh again. Giles will never give you a lecture about slaying or about not eating enough. I will never feel the touch of your skin, the taste of your lips, and the safety of your embrace never, ever again. How’s forever? Does forever work for you? Forever... An eternity without you. I don’t want you to be gone. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I give it all back, every moment of happiness, every day I woke up, every hope I ever kept. Take it all away. I don’t care. Bring her back. If there is a God...please, please just bring her back. I love you. Nothing can change that. Not even Death. “The Lord makes his face to shine upon her and be gracious to her. “ A drop of rain falls in her coffin but her family is numb to the cold. A wave of memories hits him and he can only close his eyes in an attempt to shut it out. A night of perfect happiness. Two bodies cold from the rain and hot from passion. Two souls coming together. Nights in this cemetery. A fireplace with two lovers sitting by it. Nights in her bedroom. A foggy departure. A perfect day. Nights spent holding her while she cried. Harsh words. Kisses filled with passion, unfulfilled love, longing and their essence. “The Lord lift up his countenance upon her and give her peace.” I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. When he opens his eyes everyone has left and he is left alone with her grave. She saved the world a lot. Why couldn’t she be saved? Just this once. A tear slowly falls from his face, unnoticed. He raises his eyes to the grey sky and wonders if she’s watching while her body is cold in the ground. That thought makes him fall to his knees and sob in the mud repeating her name over and over again in a broken voice. It is never over! I won't let you die. Lying down in the morning and wondering if she was waking up. Watching Cordelia eat and thinking if she was taking proper care of herself. Not knowing if she still lighted a room with her smile and danced in that way that made him crazy for her. Worrying about her when he felt an unsettling change in the air. Listening to a song and remembering they had danced it because she wanted to think of them every time she heard it. Not knowing what to do with the days that seemed to have gotten longer, not knowing how to stop the pain of a silence nothing could fill. Staring out the window when it was raining and wondering if she was thinking about them. Reading the morning paper and wanting to talk to her about something she would have liked. Seeing a blonde in the street and wanting to call her name. Watching a couple and wanting to die because she wasn’t with him anymore. Staring intently at the phone, trying hard not to call her just to hear her voice. I'm not going to say goodbye. He traced the letters of her name and took something from his pocket. Raising in unsteady legs he kissed the small object and placed it in the cold stone. A Claddagh ring. The rain kept on falling as the dark figure left, grieving and drowning in memories, his voice being carried by the wind. A promise. An undying certainty. A vow. “I love you.” The end. 07/09/04 |