| Title: The Perfect Goodbye Author: Celtic Child Feedback: Yes, please! I desperately need it for this fic esp. (celtic_child13@earthlink.net) Rating: PG (Angst) Summary: Technically it's what's going on in my life right now... but it's B/A related angst. If Buffy had seen A/C together maybe? Make of it what you wish. Distribution: My site, Chloe, Torey, and Dani. Anyone else just ask. Dedication: Chloe: I love you... you're one of my best friends and you've helped me through so much lately it's unreal. Brat: always there and keeping me laughing. Thank you. VanessaSky: You rock, sweetie!! Keep on truckin. And for Sean: always for you, baby. No matter how broken I become... ........................................................................................................................... The only thing I want in this world... and I can't have it. Why? I don't want to think about you right now. I don't want to think about you ever again. I can't. No, wait... yes I do. I always do. I think about you every minute of every day. I see someone that looks like you or I'll hear a song that I know you like. And there you'll be in my head. But you never think of me do you? Do you? I hope that you do even though I know you don't. You've got her again. She's on your mind now. I'm someplace far away. I'll keep reaching out to you, though, I'll keep trying. I'll scream your name until one day... you'll look up. But I do love you, ya know? I try not too... God, I always try so hard for you. Do you even notice? If I walked away from you while you were standing there with all your friends, would you really notice if I wondered off? I just want to get away... just run away from you. But the opposite always seem to happen instead and I have to be wherever you are. I feel when you're far away. And I know when you're close by. I feel that little prickle on my neck... like the shiver down my back when you touch me. No matter what, I always feel something from you. Lately all I've felt is pain. She's not good for you. I haven't told you that, but she is. She's blinding you from who you really are. I need to rescue you. Save you from the pain. Protect you from a broken heart. Just walk away from her, please. My arms are here to hold you, baby. I'll catch you if you fall... I promise. I'll do anything for you. I'll leave you alone if it'll make you happy. Anything to make you smile, darling. I won't talk to you ever again. I won't call you anymore. I won't wait up for you all night. I'll stop existing just for you. But I won't stand by and watch you topple from the cliff. Watch you fall to pieces all over again over her. Why can't you fall to pieces over me? So fall for me, love... please, please fall for me. Here are the pieces of my heart... do with them what you wish. I'm not fragile anymore. Easily broken was before. I've built up my armies. I'm ready for the fight. Bring on the tears, bring on the heartache. I thought I was ready for anything. I thought I could handle not seeing you everyday. Not talking to you, hearing your deep and soothing voice. Hearing you say something, anything, to make me laugh. But you're always the voice inside my head... striving to make me a better person. I never get to see your beautiful face... the jawline I obsess over tracing with my fingertips. Or the dark, spikey hair that I love to run my hands through. Or the deep, chocolate eyes that I love to get lost in. But I've been abandoned... left alone out in the rain. I'm on the outside... looking in on you. Shivering from your absence. Your arms are my only warmth, baby. I'll never feel them again, will I? I'll look in on you just this one last time. You smile and laugh... but it's not for me. It's all for her now. Always for her. Run your fingers through her hair... yeah, stroke a hand down her side. Feelings I've never felt and now never will. Whisper words of love into her ear, just like that, yes. Words I've never heard and now never will. I leave you now with your beautiful new life. My love for you will break me, because all I ever wanted was to see you happy. I lay my hand against the window pane and watch the water trickle down around my fingers. My vision through the glass blurs, but it's not from the rain. No, no, my love. They are my tears. My tears for you... for the us that will never be. I will only cry for you this once. And I don't want you to see. That would make you unhappy. Your heart just might feel a twinge of pain... for me. I'd never want that for you. I have to make you happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you, baby. It's all I ever wanted. I'll leave what's left of my heart here on the sill for you. I don't need it anymore. It'll only be a reminder of you. So this is my goodbye, beautiful. That's what you always are to me. I will only wish you the best of everything in the world... because that is what you deserve. You slowly turn towards the window. Do you sense me? I move out of sight and you frown and turn back to her. I wipe my eyes and turn from the window and walk away from you. The perfect goodbye... no last words, no last looks. Just leaving. It's the perfect goodbye, love. I will be with you someday... somewhere, I know. Until then, I will see you only in my dreams. Goodbye, my love... my everything. * Fin * Send Feedback to Celtic Child |