OK, I'm organizing a search party for Mendi. Who's with me? I've drawn up the search quadrants. We'll go north to south, walking line-abreast through the tall grass -- please maintain the proper spacing, people, you should be able to touch fingertips at all times. Turn on your foam detectors, and if you happen to spot a mule nearby, for god's sake sing out.

I'm glad that Kerry got the job, and sorry that other people's employment woes continue. Yesterday at the office of my main client, the employee communications people I work with were told the department is being nuked and some of them (don't know who yet) will soon be out on the street. I'm a contractor, and my contract expires in June. I had already decided I shouldn't count on a renewal, so I've been lining up other work. Now this confirms it. No problem for me personally, but the staff people are taking it hard. Most have never been through this before. It always sucks, but everyone usually ends up okay.

It made me think of an analogy. Being a contractor working with staff people is like being in a rubber dinghy tied to an ocean liner. The people on the ship get the perks, they're in comfort, while you bob along in your little boat. But when the ship hits an iceberg and sinks, and they're all splashing around in the cold water, you're still in your dinghy, rowing off to find another ship.

I want to thank you kara, camille, liz et al, for the puberty stories. It's always nice to be reminded why I'm glad I'm a guy. Puberty for me was no big trauma -- a couple years of acne, awkward, fast-growing limbs, and a voice that would betray me by breaking into comical squeaks at the most embarrassing moments. The biggest problem was how to hide my nearly constant erection (now I just wear baggy trousers, haw).

Camille, your friend Nick is 100% right about the poo emerging from melting snowbanks. I grew up in Winnipeg, and I well remember how every spring the sidewalks – til then covered by a foot of packed snow – would suddenly reveal six months worth of thawed dog crap, all as fresh and aromatic as the day it was deposited. Mmmm, the smells of spring!

By the way, if it’s not too late to have a nosy opinion on your course selection, I vote for Anthropology, with Linguistics as a minor. History is interesting, sure, but you can do more with Anthro. When I went back to university to get a degree, I had originally intended to major in English, but got hooked on Anthro after taking one first-year course in it. I’m glad I switched; not only was it fascinating, but it’s been a real benefit to my work in organizational communications. You’d be surprised how much the typical corporation is like a primitive agrarian society.

To clarify something from my last post, as Stuart rightly points out, not all confident people are arrogant. I was referring to the type of person who makes an ostentatious display of their confidence, flaunting it the face of everybody else. I too have known people who have a quiet confidence in their abilities. But even they suffer self-doubt now and then. My experience has been that creative people seem prone to these crises more than non-creative people – and oddly, the more talented they are, the more vulnerable they are to bouts of self-doubt.

OK, let’s talk about fashion mistakes. I bet everyone has a favorite memory about an item of clothing that, at the time, you thought was the bee’s knees, and now you look back and wince. My all-time favorite pair of trousers (notice, Simon, I refrained from saying pants) was a snug-fitting, low-riding set of gold velour flairs, like Elvis might have worn while on drugs. I kept them forever, even after outgrowing them, because I thought they were SO cool. Eek.

I also once owned a wheat-colored linen leisure suit; very chic in Winnipeg in the mid-70s. At the time, I was writing men’s fashion ads for Eaton’s, so I wrote a LOT of copy about the relaxed good looks and casual flair of easy-care poly blends, assorted colors, sizes S-XL. Actually, I wrote about men’s wear, but I didn’t write about fashion – only the women’s wear copywriters did that. They spewed out reams of sprightly prose about spring breezes and saucy French fabrics, while us guy writers made do with a quarter of the space, and consequently focused on the meat and potatos. Was it machine wash and dry? Did it come in assorted colors? Was it a great gift idea for Dad? Well, that was all the room we had; end of story.

At least back then, I didn’t have to write phrases like “milestone deliverables.” Ugh.

March 17, 2001

Am I the only one who makes up little scenarios to go with kara's trashy pulp cover art? This one made me think of the subtitle "When Simon met kara." When I saw this one, I instantly thought, "Burningman road trip." And I subtitle this one, "Does this skirt make my butt look big?"

Joel, welcome to the group, and congratulations on your re-appointment. I know research is important to universities, hence the emphasis on being published, but I applaud you for putting teaching first. Good teachers affect people's lives in ways they never forget. I still fondly remember my favorite teachers from high school: O.J. Derragh, who instilled in me an unexpected appreciation of Shakespeare; Fred Smith, who cajoled me through Grade 11 math; Mrs. Tightbun, who was so icy cool on the outside but hot on the inside and introduced me to the sweet mystery of sex -- no, scratch that last one, that was just a fantasy. Anyway, I'm glad to see your colleagues acknowledge the value of good teaching.

Cindi, my opinion on your cover art is that you should go for it. It sounds more whimsical than erotic, you've tastefully covered the naughty bits, I'm sure no one will be offended, and if they are, screw'em. Your friends will laugh with you and say, "Whoa Beef! You go!" And what strangers think doesn't matter. Be true to yourself; give modesty another smack in the mouth.

Tim's and kara's thoughts on feeling shy and awkward remind me of conversations I've had with my love, who is also a writer. We've come to realize that all writers procrastinate, but interestingly, they ALL beat themselves up over it, as if it was something shameful rather than an inherent part of the creative process. In my experience, the most creative people doubt themselves, the nicest people criticize themselves for being less than perfect. Only arrogant dickwads stride around full of confidence. Their confidence is their main talent. One of the things that's so cool about on-line forums like this is they allow shy people the chance to show how beautiful and capable they really are inside.

Paul, about the goatee... Have you considered getting a fake, stick-on one? Then you could go smooth-faced or bearded, depending on your mood that day. Just like Star Trek -- you could be Good Paul one day, then turn into Evil Paul the next and confound your friends. Me, I wore a moustache for like 20 years, and thought I looked cool and sophisticated. Then I shaved it off, instantly looked 10 years younger, and started getting stared at by women for the first time in my life. Go figure.

One last thing: Nick, Joel and Marek, I've just added you to my list of links. You'll note that I have assigned my own arbitrary nicknames to each of you, to retain consistency with the others, all of whom have Sissyfight names or online nicks. Please e-mail me if you'd rather be known by some other nickname. Nothing obscene, please, Simon is very sensitive. Heh.

What I'm listening to: The Best of the Supremes.
What I'm reading: The Big Little Book of World Cheeses.

March 12, 2001

Attention Surplus Disorder. Haw, I like that, it’s perfect.

There has been a growing controversy about ADD and Ritalin, with more and more experts saying that it’s way over-prescribed, and that lots of normal, energetic kids are put on it just because their parents and teachers don’t know how, or can’t be bothered, to deal with their unruly behavior. I came around to that opinion years ago, when I was a Boy Scout leader. We had a few kids who were on Ritalin. They were all very different from each other, which made me wonder what kind of syndrome it could be if you couldn’t tell the “normal” kids from the ADD kids without a program. One in particular was a real challenging kid, the kind who is always getting into trouble. He was big and goofy and enthusiastic, not very smart, but a real tryer, and without a mean bone in his body. He didn’t listen very well, but hey, none of those 11 to 13-year old ruffians were big on listening skills.

So every time we went away to camp, his mother (a child psychologist) would give me his pills with instructions that he was supposed to take them an hour or two before meals, because they made him a little nauseous, and I could give him extra if he got difficult. The first time, things got a little hectic at camp and I just forgot to give him his pills for a whole day. That’s when I noticed that it didn’t make any difference. All we had to do was keep the kid occupied and interested – not hard to do at Scout camp – and he was fine. Better than usual, in fact. So began the tradition of Scouter Fred’s Ritalin-Free Campouts.

Later I got to know his parents better, and found out what the kid’s problem really was. Sheesh, some people!

So Simon, my advice if kara gets hyperactive is to give her some firewood to chop or send her out tracking rabbits. Maybe a brisk game of dodgeball or German flashlight if she really gets out of hand. This in addition to your usual kara-quieting techniques, of which I’m sure you have one or two.

Also Simon, thanks for the message explaining the thing about your friend Stu. I was making assumptions based on a misunderstanding, and now that I know the real story, I can see why he was so upset. My apologies to Stu. (I’ve edited my previous post to lower the bonehead quotient.)

Kerry, you are so right about the end of a relationship being like a death. Even when you know it has to end, and you know it’s for the best, you still grieve the loss of what was and what might have been. Inside every hello is a goodbye. I hate goodbyes.

Speaking of which, you may not care much about this since you long ago left the game behind, but I was a little sad to see the name of Waywardgirl expunged from the Sissyfight database last week. Oh well, onward and upward I guess.

What I’m listening to: Django Reinhardt, Quintette Du Hot Club de France.
What I’m reading: My tax forms, godammitalltohell.

March 11, 2001

My oldest friend Rob phoned me from Kitchener the other day (Camille, that’s who was on the phone when you and I were chatting on AIM). It seems there has been a request to get the band together for another reunion gig. It has been more than 20 years since the band broke up and the five of us scattered to the far corners of the earth. But we got back together a couple of times over the past few years, and it was a gas. Like we had never stopped. This time it’s some nostalgia thing happening at the University of Manitoba, and a few old musician friends are urging us to do it. I’m game if the others are.

Rob and I haven’t talked much in recent years. We’ve both gone through some tough times – the death of parents, breakup of long-term marriages, the usual middle-age crises – and in typical guy behavior, our response has been to crawl into the cave and hide. It doesn’t help we live so far apart, either. But I’m hoping this latest contact means the beginning of changing that. It sure was great to talk to him, anyway.

What’s the worst sound in the world? Simon and Nick seem to be hung up on bodily functions. Leaving aside the emotional minefield inherent in the example given by Simon's friend Stu, all of these sounds are just life. People make noises and smells, they snore and fart and pee noisily, they grunt when they struggle out of a beanbag chair. That kind of thing rarely even registers with me, and even more rarely offends me. It’s just the passing parade. It’s just life.

The thing is, we’re all just frail, fallible humans, doing our best to get by. Some of us aren’t particularly attractive, but even fat, sweaty, gross people have someone they love and who loves them. They have favorite ice cream flavors. Some of them can tell jokes. Some can do card tricks.

Personally, I think life in all its forms is preferable to death. Life is fragile and fleeting; entropy is eternal. I’d prefer to listen to a busload of wheezing, grunting, ejaculating fat men than to look for even a second into the abyss that is death. The worst sound in the world? If you have a child, you know what that is. I’m not even going to go there. But a stranger sighing as he pees? Don’t think so.

Never mind, we should talk about the best sounds in the world instead. Here are my nominees:
- the cry of a loon on a wilderness lake in the early morning
- a night wind rustling in the trees above your head
- the rattle of a key in the door as your teenaged son or daughter returns home safe from an evening out
- a train blowing its horn way far off in the distance, when you’re lying in bed awake in the middle of the night
- a baby sighing with contentment (you have to be really close to hear it)
- Mozart drifting through someone’s window as you stroll by on a warm summer night
- my lover crying out with pleasure as she cums, and then collapses in a heap laughing

Oops, sorry about that last one. But it is a lovely sound, trust me.

Some housekeeping items. Kerry, your portfolio is amazing. I don’t know why those morons let you go. Kim, I don’t get it, why can’t Zoe just move in with Aviv when they’re 18 and live in sin? Tee hee, just kidding. Carol, I can’t explain the search engine thing, maybe someone tipped off the Chihuahua Fanciers. Or maybe it has something to do with the Mexicans; they’re getting awfully uppity these days, what with free trade and all. Mendi, sweetie, can you do anything about that color bar that runs down the left side of your journal page, on top of the text? It makes it hard to read your stuff.

One last thing. I’m withdrawing from the debate over free trade. For one thing, hardly anybody is interested. But also, I’ve been thinking about it and I realize the anti-WTO people are right. I see now that the alternative they propose is much more workable and will be better for humanity. I mean, why shouldn’t workers control the means of production? It makes so much sense, I’m surprised no one has thought of it before.

What I’m listening to: Garden of Joy by the Jim Kweskin Jug Band.
What I’m reading: CP Style Book

March 7, 2001

Sigh. I'd rather be commenting on Lisa's new couch, or sympathizing with Kerry on being in between jobs, or sending virtual chicken soup to Camille, or telling Liz how much her last couple of posts made me laugh. I have a small town perspective for Mendi (don't care much for them), and I want to hire Kerry's friend J. to design my next newsletter.

Instead, I'll keep beating the shit out of this here deceased nag...

Kara, I never said you were ignorant of economics or history. I said certain aspects of the public debate over world trade reveal a (general) ignorance about economics and history. I respect your intelligence, and camille's too. If either of you feel like I was belittling your views, then I am truly sorry.

In fact I am tempted to just let this whole thing drop, and I regret I got into it in the first place. But I also feel a need to clarify my views.

I have some issues with the way the WTO operates, and I'd like to see some changes that would put limits on the legal powers corporations will have under these agreements. However, so much of the criticism I've seen leveled against the WTO seems motivated not by a desire to reform it or make it work better, but to scuttle it altogether. The anti-WTO movement seems to be dominated by groups who gain from (or have an idealogical stake in) protectionist barriers and state interventionism. I oppose both.

The situation that Shaf is talking about appears to be the Metalclad case. Here's a fairly objective summary of it. I haven't read Naomi Klein's version of the story, but judging by the details Shaf gives, I'm sure she was as inaccurate as usual. Keep in mind that the site was a mess before Metalclad came along, and the Mexican government saw this deal as a way to clean it up at no cost to them. The locals were angry about the way the thing had been handled before, and distrustful of their own federal government, and they took it out on the company.

To me this case illustrates the need for free trade agreements. Metalclad seems to have followed all the rules as laid out by the Mexican government, and then got screwed because of an internal political dispute. (And believe me, Mexican politics are chaotic.) They invested millions in good faith and I think it was proper that they were able to sue the national government to recover most of what they spent.

This touches on a key issue -- that companies who do business in other countries should have clear rules to follow, which are the same rules everyone else has to follow, and then if the government screws them around, they should have recourse to compensation. Up til now investing in developing countries has been a risky venture due to endemic corruption and nationalist politics. That's one of the reasons poor countries can't get foreign investment. Governments change the rules, or find some trumped-up pretext, to get more money out of the investors or steal the project out from under them. Almost every country has been guilty of it at one time or another.

Environmental protection and labor standards are important. But they are not black and white issues. They have been used many times as weapons, for partisan purposes. All that the WTO is demanding is that such standards be transparent, consistent, and not subject to political fiddling in mid-project.

Let me quote that WTO-Watch site that Kara has linked to: "Developed countries favor the inclusion [in WTO rules] of social issues -- mainly labor and environmental standards -- which developing countries oppose, fearing that manipulation of such issues will serve as a new cover for protectionism by developed countries."

Japan plays that kind of game to keep foreign investment out. So has Canada -- for example the recent case where we passed a law preventing companies from shipping hazardous wastes to a US disposal company. It was clearly done to protect the business of a Canadian waste disposal company, but Ottawa pretended it was for environmental reasons. Because of NAFTA they didn't get away with it.

Kara, I don't know the details of your Botswana example, so I won't comment on it. I do know that Botswana is one of the more prosperous and stable countries in Africa, and that the people have been herding cattle for a long time.

Your Bolivia example is interesting; I hadn't heard about that one. I think the writer's contention that Bolivia was forced by the IMF to privatize its water system is debatable. Whatever the case, that town still has serious problems with its water, except now there won't be any outside investment to help them fix it. Let's see where they are two years from now.

I'm not arguing that multinational corporations are paragons of virtue, or that they always do the right thing. I'm just saying that in the long run, free trade combined with truly democratic government is the only way the developing countries will achieve prosperity. The WTO is trying to get consensus on a set of clear rules that everyone will abide by. There will be growing pains and rough edges at first. But developing countries will benefit far more from free trade than they ever have from charity. And because of that, we all will benefit.

I agree with you kara that the process should be more open. I also agree we all need to be more media literate, and question everything.

Enough. I'll be good from now on.

March 6, 2001

Crap. I knew I should have kept my mouth shut. Now Kara has brought in Naomi Klein, and I’m compelled to enter full rant mode. I apologize to the group for this, but my button has been pushed.

On one level I am glad to see young people being skeptical about consumerism. Too many of the young seem to have bought into the notion that you are what you own; they are too readily manipulated by the increasingly sophisticated science of advertising. What’s good for individual businesses is not necessarily what’s good for society as a whole, despite what their CEOs might claim. And it’s great that people are starting to pay attention to the problems that are holding many developing nations back.

But I have a real problem with certain other aspects of this debate. For one, a lot of it reveals a profound ignorance about economics and history. I am a professional communicator who has been inside the corporate world. I know how stupid and essentially amoral corporations can be at times. But I also hate misinformation. I want people to be debating the real issues, not straw men and red herrings. And I especially want idealistic young people to not be manipulated by cynical political operators with an agenda that’s no more ethical or “right” than the corporate fat cats they are fighting against.

Ultimately, I want to see the people of the Third World be given a chance to better themselves, to have clean water and adequate food, shelter and health care, to have opportunities through education. I believe that truly free trade is the only way that will happen. I want to see the world’s resources used wisely and sustainably, and believe that this too will only happen through free trade among democratic nations, because the free market is the only reliable way to allocate resources to their best use. Governments can’t do it by fiat; look no further than the former Eastern Bloc for evidence of that.

It’s not going to be easy; that’s obvious. But we have to move in that direction as best we can. That’s what these conferences and treaties are about – building a free, open and democratic world market one piece at a time. I say this again: how can refusing to buy the products of the Third World help them in any way?

Mainly, I get annoyed by the misinformation being thrown around. Naomi Klein is a perfect example of how so many anti-corporate activists try to baffle people with bullshit. I don’t care how noble they think their motives are – and I have doubts about that – it’s just wrong, because it distorts the debate and doesn’t allow people to argue the REAL issues.

Take the Spice Girls story: Klein conveniently leaves out the fact that the Maori spokesmen who complained were NOT mad that non-Maoris danced the haka -- white rugby and soccer teams have been doing it for years -- they were mad because WOMEN aren't supposed to be dancing it. Gee, those nasty corporate musicians must have forgotten that girls are supposed to be home making babies.

The stuff about corporate insensitivity to other cultures is almost entirely urban myths or just plain made up. The Chevy Nova legend is false, while the "bite the wax tadpole" tale is pretty much 180 degrees from the truth. Check this out for the facts. “Fiera” means fierce in Spanish, not “ugly old woman”. The Nike and Reebok stories are reasonably accurate, proving only that big companies do screw up and aren’t all-powerful after all. However, an incubus is NOT “an ancient demon best known for raping women while they slept.” I figure Klein just threw in the word “rape” because it adds a nasty connotation to an otherwise throw-away anecdote.

So-called professional writers who are this careless with their facts leave me with no confidence in the validity of their arguments.

But Kara, I did laugh at the line about your friend learning more in two days of anti-WTO lectures than she did in six years of university. Since she’s a Communications grad, I’m not at all surprised. That’s why I took Anthropology instead. Haw!

March 5, 2001

Dammit, scrara, you're trying to force me to lay my fogey credentials on the table. Now I have to rise to the bait, and everyone will think I'm an old Nazi.

I guess everybody should get a sniff of teargas at least once in their lives. I remember the anti-Vietnam War demos when I was in high school; they were mainly a great place for guys to meet girls, and vice versa. We were all young, breathlessly excited, convinced we were doing something Really Important, and maybe we were, who knows? I'm sure Nixon was greatly influenced by a few dozen Canadian teenagers carrying signs and shouting slogans outside the US consulate building in Winnipeg. But it was fun.

I feel compelled to comment on a couple of things you said. And really, I am not so much arguing aganst YOU as against similar things I've heard others say, so please don't take this as a personal slam. I respect your opinion; I just disagree with it in this case.

First, the fact that they've clamped down with the tight security shouldn't surprise anyone, and I don't understand why that offends you. After what happened in Seattle and all the other places since then, the organizers would be idiots not to expect another assault by organized anarchists. Do you really think that if they took down the fences and let the delegates mingle on the street with protesters, you'd see stimulating debate on the issues? Yeah, sure. Protesters have a right to show up and to make their point -- the media is always happy to give them a forum. But they don't have the right to prevent the meetings from happening. No more than anti-abortion protesters have the right to shut down abortion clinics to make their point.

Second, there's a common misconception that "Big Business" or "The Corporations" are pushing for free trade. Actually there are quite a few large corporations that support trade barriers because their companies profit from them. Almost all business people pay lip service to free trade in theory, but many make an exception for their own industry sector, and they lobby their governments for so-called "managed trade", i.e. keeping out third-world competition. Auto makers, big steel companies, US lumber companies, shipbuilders, agri-business – they all push for trade barriers, for pure self interest. A lot of those big companies privately are cheering for the anti-trade protesters, because closed markets protect their asses.

Third, a $10-an-hour factory job in Canada is NOT interchangeable with a 10-cents-an-hour factory job in Guatemala. The Canadian worker is better educated, better trained on the job, has better health services, and is supported by a far better infrastructure. A low wage for unskilled work is the ONLY cost advantage those countries have, and it isn't always enough. They need capital, which basically is what these negotiations are really about.

Last, I won't argue that working conditions in the third world can be pretty bad compared to what we're used to. The fact remains, however, that poor countries who have increased their trade with the rich countries have invariably seen wages and living conditions improve as a direct result. It has happened time after time. How can refusing to buy their products improve the lives of third world workers? That makes no sense to me.

OK, now I've been outed. Take your best shot.

March 1, 2001

Hey, what's shaking? Yikes! We are!

It wasn't much of a quake up here in Vancouver. I was sitting in Starbucks having a coffee when I felt the trembling. At first I thought it was just me having some kind of minor muscle spasm from sitting funny. No one else in the place was paying any attention, and nothing was falling off buildings outside. Then I went back to the office and everyone was talking about it and checking the internet news channels. Turns out Seattle got hit pretty good.

My favorite moments from the TV news coverage later: One was a clip from a Microsoft business meeting in some lecture hall. When the quake hits, the camera is shaking, a few acoustic tiles flutter down from the ceiling. Everybody is out of their seats, mostly just kind of milling around, except one guy in a suit who gets down and ducks under one of those little metal folding chairs. It may have been a smart thing to do, I dunno, it just looked so ludicrous I had to laugh -- kind of like someone caught in a downpour, holding an envelope over their head for protection.

Then there was a story about SeaTac Airport closing for four hours because the control tower was badly damaged. There was one woman who was going on and on about how nobody had personally apologized to her for her flight being delayed. I'm thinking, "Come on! There's been a bloody earthquake you stupid woman! Whose fault is that supposed to be?" And yes, I am aware of the pun.

Speaking of news coverage, Paul I totally agree with your comment about the Mardi Gras rioting. There's a mindset among large numbers of males aged 15-25, with too much testosterone and not enough sense, that says fighting and smashing stuff up is fun. They get drunk to give themselves permission to indulge, and they don't give a shit about who gets hurt. If it was my kid out there, I would want the cops to toss his ass in the slammer for a few days to smarten him up. As it happens, my teenaged son is more than a little conservative. He watches this on the news and rants that the riot squad should be wading in with truncheons swinging.

I meant to comment earlier on some other stuff Paul wrote about the dot.com meltdown. I think it was inevitable -- it all expanded too fast, too soon. Not enough people paid any attention to basic business principles, it was all fueled by hot air and promises. Now the fast-buck guys have come and gone, and it's up to the genuine builders to do the hard slogging, to take the net wherever it's going.

Where that will be is anyone's guess. Sure, the web has great potential, blah blah blah. But people have to be willing to pay real money for web services, and far too often people expect something for nothing. One problem is, so many young people have an attitude that capitalism is bad. When I hear people complain about banner ads on web pages, and doing stuff to avoid them, I think, "how do you think this technology is ever going anywhere if people can't make money from it?" Napster is another case -- make people pay, and the users go from billions to zero overnight. It's going to take time to sort all this out, and no one's getting rich in the meantime.

My response to Wayward's comment about being angry: I'm a little scared of strong emotion, and don't like feeling out of control. If something pisses me off I'll vent for a minute, then talk myself out of it. On the other hand, anger can seem almost sexy. Strong emotion makes you feel alive, in a scary, elemental, exhilerating kind of way. I think that's what makes post-argument makeup sex so damn good.

One last thing I wanted to talk about: Beastie's post in her new journal (which, by the way, I'm really glad to see her doing). Beastie, I hope that just writing about this helps make you feel better. It did that for me, when I was your age and going through the same awful shit in my head. The fact that virtually every teenager goes through this (especially the intelligent, sensitive ones) is no consolation when you're the person in the middle of the black hole. Most survive, some don't.

I survived, and am glad I did. Life after my teens was so much better, liberally dotted with wonders and joys and accomplishments. It will be for you too. I look back at the person I was then, and while I recognize him -- he's still part of me -- I know now that he couldn't see enough of life to understand what it was about. I believe we all have a purpose, it just takes time to find it. That purpose is to do whatever it is we're good at, and to try to make a difference -- to shed light in dark corners, to create, to bring joy, to make the world better in some way. Right now you are a bundle of potential. That potential will unfold as you get older and find your balance. I really believe that.