Rants and musings

Nov. 30, 2000

Beefi, I was deeply touched by your anniversary memory. That is beautiful, beautiful writing. And Jordan is one lucky boy. I hope he appreciates what he has in you.

One thing that really struck me was the setting. It happens that Crabby and I have a romantic Field Museum memory too. It wasn't as hugely significant as yours -- not our first date or anything like that -- but it was a highlight of a memorable trip we took to Chicago a few years ago. I remember us sitting on those wide front steps, looking out over the park and the lake, smooching and talking. We love Chicago and want to go back some day. By train, preferably.

Kara wonders whether it's better to stay on top of what other artists are doing, or remain ignorant and uninfluenced. That's a good question -- and for me, I have at different times looked at it both ways. I have been struggling to finish a novel for several years now, and for much of that time I deliberately avoided reading other fiction. I didn't want other writers getting into my head and, perhaps, subtly contaminating my vision. I wanted to be original.

Now I've come around to realizing that it doesn't really matter. There are only so many themes, so many original ideas, and thinking that I might actually invent something completely new is a bit arrogant. All art is essentially riffing off what has gone before. What matters is how we as artists take existing themes, filter them through the screen of our life experience, set our brains on puree, and see what interesting combinations come out.

So I've become a believer in broadening my intellectual influences (and I've always been pretty open to new things), letting myself be surprised and offended and entertained by stuff I've never looked at before. The bigger my palette, the more colors I can apply to my own work. What I add to the exercise is my interpretation, how I link disparate influences together into something that at least seems new to the reader. That's the theory for this week, anyway -- next week I'll probably be hiding out in a cave, eating bugs.

Nov. 27, 2000

It's been, what, more than three weeks since the US election, and Americans still don't know who their President will be. We Canadians, with our legendary efficiency, had our Prime Minister elected before the polls on the west coast had even closed. Oh well, they say suspense is bad for you.

Kara, I thank you for your kind offer to help me through my problems with this stoopid Geocities site. But if you keep doing stuff like your latest home page, I may have to hop on a ferry to the Goof Islands and personally whup you upside the head.

Know why I keep coming back to Sissyfight (the boards, anyway)? Today I had an exchange of posts with a precocious teenager named Jannette, making obscure jokes about ancient Sumerian mythology. I spent valuable work time hunting up the lyrics to the Gilligan's Island theme song just so I could do a Gilgamesh version. Who says the Internet is useless?


Nov. 25, 2000

I was going to explain why I haven't posted anything for a few days, but kara has done it for me. The creative process sucks. I've been banging my head against a particularly stubborn writing assignment since like Tuesday. It just won't come. I sit here staring at the few stupid paragraphs I've written and feel like I've totally forgotten how to do this, and what's more, will never remember how.  Arrrgh!

I'd

Nov. 21, 2000

I got angry with some kid on the Sissyfight boards today (I'm assuming he's just a kid). It's funny, I'm kind of right-wing on most issues, but homophobia really annoys me. It reveals such ignorance and a sort of reflexive cruelty. Overt racism has become unfashionable among kids -- some do it, but they all seem to realize it's unacceptable behavior -- yet most think it's OK to use "gay" as a synonym for "stupid" or "ugly" or "perverted". I first encountered that use of the word on South Park, and I laughed at it, but now after seeing it used so casually by so many kids, it has lost its charm for me.

Some time ago, also while playing SF, I got all shirty with a good sissy pal who is gay, for his use of the word "breeder", meaning hetero. Same reason -- I react badly to the unthinking lumping of people into a group based on such flimsy differentiation, and the implied sneer. As if one's sexual preferences defined everything important about a person. I take people one at a time. It's way more interesting to look for the uniqueness in everybody, rather than looking for ways to lump them together and dismiss them as "that kind."


Nov. 20, 2000

Beef's thoughts on wallowing in Christmas music made me smile. I love making Christmas compilation tapes. Every year I paw through the Christmas music at the public library and the bargain bins at the record stores, looking for something unusual. I like the obscure-but-really-good, like Dan Hicks doing Somebody Stole My Santa Claus Suit, or the so-awful-it’s-great, like Stompin’ Tom Connors droning Down on Christmas. No barking dog choruses, thank you; I do draw the line somewhere. I mix them up with more traditional Christmas music – I think I have 43 different versions of Ave Maria, with the one by Leontyne Price probably my favorite. Then I play all my tapes, one after the other, while getting buzzed on rum and eggnog. Yahoo! God bless us, every one!

I dunno, I think I enjoy the process of making the tapes more than anything. It gives me something to occupy my mind. It’s hard not to get depressed at Christmas; it takes a lot of work to just stay even. I grew up in a place where there was always snow at Christmas (in fact, there was usually snow at Halloween). Now I’m in Vancouver, and it usually rains non-stop from November to February. Drip drip drip. I’m dreaming of a damp Christmas, with soggy socks and mildewed hair.


I'm buying this round, bartender. Make mine a Harvey Wallbanger.
(Big bonus points to anyone who recognizes that lyric.)


Nov. 17, 2000

I sense that sleep deprivation and low self-confidence may be the glue that holds this group together. Well, you have to have something in common, right? As we say in Sissyfight, LOL!

Typing while in the process of falling asleep is a subject that has long interested me. I have done this many times, and have been entertained by the surrealistic results. Usually it's just jibberish, but occasionally I get fragments of whatever dream I started to slip into. As in, "I'm just going to dash off a quick replrw fjluwpm ;eq' naked vegas showgirls on painted hippos whats my mother doing up there..." I think this could make a fascinating genre all its own. We could host a Writing While Unconscious short story contest. I bet there are millions of sleep-deprived writers who would contribute. In fact, I bet many TV and movie scripts are written this way.

Comment on
Paul's muse about working instead of living. We are what we do. If you love your work, and don't really care if it makes you rich or not, throwing 100% of yourself into it is not a bad thing. But if you're only doing it for the big payoff at the end of the rainbow, you might be disappointed by the results. Me, I prefer goals that allow a long meandering trip to reach them. Getting there should be fun, because even if you wake up one day and think, "Is that all there is? Shit, I been had!" you still have something to show for it. But that's just me.

Did you know that the Eskimos (Inuit) do
not have 23 or 45 or 681 different words for snow? That's a linguistic old wive's tale.

Kara, where's that story for christ sake? Hee hee.


Nov. 16, 2000


I stay up too late. It's crazy, but I can't help it. I love sleeping but I resent the time I lose doing it. Midnight comes around and I'm just hitting my stride. It's prime time for my brain; how can I shut it down now? Then suddenly it's 2 in the bloody a.m. and I'm still at it, and I'm supposed to be up at 7 for work. I end up getting by on five hours sleep if I'm lucky, sometimes less. I'm fine in the morning, once I haul my sorry ass out of bed, but shortly after lunch I'm dozing off at my desk, to the great glee of co-workers who know me too well. Christ, I once fell asleep standing up on the bus. I can fall asleep anywhere, any time, if I want to. I read once that this is a common attribute of combat soldiers, who learn that you never know when the next chance for sleep will come up. In my case, it's just sleep deprivation, and I know it's bad for my health. But I still stay up too late. I have to.

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