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| TRUE HEART'S COLUMN LOVE ADVICE AND MORE |
| October 15, 2003 Married Man Cheating on Wife Dear True Heart: I'm a married man, and i've been flirting with a girl at work. Even through she tells me I shouldn't be doing this, and at work of all places, and it urges me on, tempts me to flirt more with her. I really love the thrill of nearly getting caught. Maybe it's a fetish, I'm not sure. But, it's like I don't hear her say no, iit makes me keep flirting because I want her to give in. I know I should not even be doing this, but is this harmless of me to behave this way. Am I just a typical male that only has one thing on his mind, sex, and girls, and boy toys? Man, my conscience has been bothering me to come to my senses. I'm confused. I used to not care that I have a conscience or not. Please help me understand what is going on with me. I'm in love with my wife, I'm sure, but why can't I stay faithful? I don't know where to turn for answers. Confused in Toronto, Canada |
| Dear Hopeless : Hope you're doing alright. Sorry to hear about your dilema. Don't get too stressed out over it ok. I know it can be pretty depressing being alone and living in a place that can be a "dump" I feel that you have great potential to put the past behind you and move on from it. It sounds to me that you need to set your priorities by making a list of all of them. Your child would be at the top of the list, and partying would be at the bottom. Since you are so used to partying, this may take some time to readjust to. Have you tried working all week, and then partying on the weekends? This may be helpful. I am not expecting you to quit drinking, and smoking at all. I just want you to know you have options. It's all in your hands. You have total control of your life. As far as starting a new relationship, it's best to wait until you have your life more together before taking that step. Please do stay in touch with me. I don't like knowing that you are feeling hopeless. Have you ever considered joining a single parents group, or a support group for your vices? This would be good to write down on your priority list. If you really want to draw that girl to you that will want to love you and keep you with all of your imperfections, it's best that she not see you in this turmoil you are in. Take responsiblity for your self, and your child first. Best of luck to you, and do please stay in touch. By the way, I love Dogs, very therapeutic. If you can have a pet or be near them, they know how to make you feel good with the love they give. True Heart |
| Dear Confused: Thanks for sending us your submission. I'd like to begin by sharing with you, that you are not being true to yourself. You also are not being true to your wife and children if you have any. By this I mean that, by convicing yourself that it is ok to lie to your wife and to yourself as to what you really want in your life, you currently lack the clear head to deal with this issue. For now, I will hope to show you how things can be. Please be open to this, some of these marital issues are tricky. 1. Your co-worker is telling you no, you don't respect her wishes then she feels imposed upon and fearslosing credibilty at work if caught 2. You're so lucky she hasn't gone to your wife 3. The wife deserves to have freedom of her choices just are you are with your choices 4. Any act of flirting and/or sexual advances are indicative of "adultery" unfortunately 5. Thinking that this is a fetish is unrealistic 6. You may desire to be a batchelor again, and it's possible (?) you need that in order to be Completely free to make the right choices OR The ultimate solution - To come clean. Admit the truth, and free your conscience. You will live longer, as well, you'll incurr less karma (cause & effect) If you want to save the marriage consider taking your wife to a therapist with you, and ask the therapist to help you explain the truth to her. In the long run, there will be better health and consciences for making the respectful choice. After all, isn't that what someone with a true heart for their love/mate would do? You bet! Make the choice to have fun through this, it can be done. True Heart |
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| October 17, 2003 Rooming Houses? How bad can it be? Dear True Heart: I just found your column today. I have a problem and I'm not too happy in my life about my situation. I'm a part-time dad, I work five days a week, for minimum wage, live in a tiny bachelor (room) in a dumpy rooming house, and it sucks big time. I'm depressed all the time, I drink, but not a heavy drinker, and I smoke pot, daily. I find it very hard to improve my situaltion because I don't have the incentive to quit those things I need to live without (my vices/habbits). I've gone to Rehab in the past and hated it, tried living with sober people and found I couldn't handle it. I have such a hard time finding a girl to have a relationship because of my lifestyle. Who is going to want to have a guy like me for a boyfriend? I feel so hopeless. Can you tell me True Heart, am I hopeless. Do I need professional help? Hopless in Ottawa |
| DISCLAIMER: All pictures were downloaded from the web. Please don't get mad at me if I did not have a chance to ask your permission to use your photo on my site. This is a not for profit site, and everything is free, especially the advice. Thanks so much for your understanding and for allowing me to use your photos here. Also, this page is my creation. My intention is not to copy what anyone else is doing or working on. The opinions I share and advice I give are purely my own. |
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| Dear Hopeful: Awsome news! Thanks for staying in touch. I know that if you stay inspired and stay strong like you have been that all will work out in the end. Hard work pays off you'll see, and a little sacrifice here and there doesn't hurt either and you've been giving yourself a chance to do that. So, congratulations! Hope you have a Happy Holiday as well. |
| DECEMBER 11, 2003 DEAR TRUE HEART: THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR POSTING MY LETTER ONLINE. I WANTED TO UPDATE YOU ON MY SITUATION SINCE OCTOBER 2003. I FINALLY MOVED. SO, I'M NO LONGER AT THE ROOMING HOUSE! YES! IT'S A LITTLE OUT OF TOWN AND IT TAKES ME A LONG TIME TO GET TO AND FROM WORK. JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW I'M AROUND MORE INSPIRING PEOPLE AND IT SURE IS HELPING ME TO CONTROL MY ADDICTIONS, ALL AROUND. OH, AND BY THE WAY, THE PERSON I'M STAYING WITH HAS BEEN SOBER OVER 50 DAYS. HE'S REALLY PROUD OF HIMSELF AND IS GETTING TO SEE HIS LITTLE BOY MORE BECAUSE OF IT. I'M GLAD TO SEE HIM DOING BETTER, MUCH, MUCH BETTER. THAT'S WHY I REALIZED THAT STAYING WITH HIM WOULD BE REALLY GOOD FOR ME. I HAVE A SON AS WELL. AND AS SOON AS I LAND A PERMANENT JOB THINGS CAN ONLY GET BETTER. MY BOY IS LIKE THE ONLY FAMILY I HAVE THAT I SEE REGULARLY, EXCEPT THE FEW CLOSE FRIENDS I DO HAVE THAT I CAN CONSIDER LIKE FAMILY. THANK GOODNESS FOR THEM. THEY GIVE ME REASONS TO WANT TO STAY INSPIRED TO PROGRESS. Happy Holidays True Heart, and to all the visitors to your page. Was hopeless - Now Hopeful, Ottawa |
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