Since Jenn has conveniently 'forgotten' to contact me, blocked me on AOL, called the phone company and had them block my home phone number, and runs in terror every time I approach her, I've decided to make a a page for the express purposes of getting my 15$ back.  I'd appreciate it if NO ONE read below.  This is a private page.  Not for you, only Jenn.  Thanx, friends.

   Ah, so you must be Jenn.  It's about time.

   This page is here so that you'll pay me back my money.  It's been long enough, and this is a stern warning...

   ...please.  Please!  I don't have that much!  I need it.  I need it!  Do you know how long it's been since I've gotten my hair cut?  (Update: I did get a haircut.)  And my gas tank is running low.  Stop being so stingy and pay me back.  It's been almost a week since payday.  You're taking advantage of me.
 
 

   So, I'm warning you now.  Give me back my money.  Or else, something annoying will happen to you.  Followed by something mildly terrible.  Then something time consuming and inconvenient.  And then something really atrocious! Are you listening to me?
 
 

    Sunday:  You'll notice banks are opened Mondays.  You know what to do with that paycheck of yours.

    Monday: Funny... you never showed up to pay me back yesterday.  Luckily, I'll see you in work
tomorrow.  I'll even wait around.  Hope you're ok, since it's not like you to say one thing yet do another.

    Tuesday: I saw you, yet you didn't get me the money.  So I've begun my string of childish pranks that will soon escalate to more juvenile pranks that could even go as far as annoying pranks that could get me arrested.  You'll notice that tonight, I went to Little Caesar's, as an 'appreciated customer, and bought myself pizza.  As much pizza as I wanted.  As much as I could eat!  Pizza sauce fell around my like water in a rainstorm, and I was in pizza heaven.  But did I come to work to share my treasured pie with the rest of my friends, all of whom were pizza deprived?  No, I did not.  Instead, I shared it with Prince and Mac.  Prince and Mac are dogs.

   The pizza went to the dogs.

   Now, the anger of pizza-deprived employees will burn against you, and they shall lash out against you, your children, and your chilren's children.  You shall feel the pain of those truly hungry for pizza and their mighty fists of rage!

   I hope you've learned your lesson... pay me back the 17$ or else.

    Wednesday: Well, what do you know?  Didn't see you.

   So I kidnapped your dog!!  Ah ha ha ha ha!  Yes, your precious great dane is now in my house, with my dogs, doing things that dogs do and eating dog food.  I warned you that I woulde exact my revenge!

   Actually, I was going to exact more revenge.  We know how much I like pizza, so I was actually going to go out tonight and get pizza, but this time, I'd give it to everyone but you!  True deviousness!  Intrepid idea!  Unfortunately, that damn dog (or maybe one of my own) set my kitchen on fire when it jumped to the stove and flicked the burners on (that's the most logical thing I can determine, since it ate my macaroni and the stove was turned off when we all left).

   So, for that stunt, you'll pay!  I want my 20$ tonight!

   Thursday: Two dumb things happened today.  That dog and my car.

   One, I find out that the dog I kidnapped was not Jenn's dog.  This raises the question of who's dog I really kidnapped and why did it set my kitchen on fire?

   More importantly, today my car wouldn't start.  It was apparent that someone tampered with my car battery.  As I was fixing it, who should show up at work but Jenn.  All too convenient.

   Jenn, why are you trying to kill me over 25$?  Sending your trained attack dogs and sabatoging my car for a measly 25 bucks?  I'm ashamed of you.  This is your last warning.  I too have trained attack dogs.  And my trained attack dogs can beat up your dogs.  I'll send them out on a mission to capture your dog and bring him to me!  Ah ha ha ha ha!

   This is your fourth to last warning.  I've been patient for weeks now.

   Friday:  Wow.  You'll never guess who I saw today.  And you'll never guess who had no money for me.  The best thing was what she said.

Me: "You've been putting this off for a month now."
She: "More like four days!"

   Now, if I count back only for this page  the number of days I've not been paid, you'll see it's been more than four.  Don't hold it against her, though, she can't count.

   Saturday: Sorry, no updates today.  Instead, I've been calculating interest charges.

   Sunday: Ah, I saw the girl with my money today.  She had money.  But she 'couldn't spare any at the time'.  That's funny, because I couldn't spare any money at the time I lent money out, either.  See the italics?  I'm trying to emphasize a point that I should have stood more solid upon one month ago.  I want my 30$!

   After lots of hard work and careful deliberation, I've thought of three things I can do if you don't give me back my money.

   A) Eat your dog.  I finally found out where you live, so now I can really kidnap him.
   B) Spread nasty rumors.
   C) Blackmail.

   It turns out I'm called 'The Rumor Guy' for a reason.  I know stuff.  So, I'll choose a carefully modified plot based on the best aspects of the three plans above.  First, I'll blackmail you.  If I don't get my money, I'll spread awful rumors.  And if that doesn't work, I'm eating your dog.

   Monday: Update on Monday... and there'll be a Monday on this page.  Because I can guarantee that I won't have my money.  See you then... starting on Wednesday comes a special page I like to call 'RUMOR A DAY'.  Stay tuned.

    Update: What do you know, no money.  But I did get an extra-special greeting and even signing the Employee Notebook.  But no money.  Is anyone surprised?

    I've decided to change the new page from 'Rumor a Day', which is stupid, to 'Operation Blackmail', which is essentially what I plan on doing.  Yes, I will get money back in exchange for silence.  But you can trust me, friends, with your secrets.  It's much too much work blackmailing everyone I meet who annoys me.  I'd need to be a mob boss or something to accomplish that.

   Well, Jenn and I have made alternate plans on paying me back.  I'll consider pushing the target date back for Operation Blackmail, but be sure to check anyway.

   Tuesday: No Jenn today.  It's almost time.  I've decided that Operation Blackmail is cruel spirited, mean, and difficult to pull off.

   Instead, I'll wait until Friday and reveal stories every other day.  I think that's only fair now that she's agreed to pay me back in a timely fashion.

   Wednesday: No money.  My heart can't handle the suspense.  After a month, does she hand me money?  Nope.  No money.

   Oh well, Operation Blaackmail begins in 48 hours, tops.  Unless alternate arrangements are made.

   Thursday: No money.  But paychecks are coming soon.  I can't wait until tomorrow.  Day I of Operation Blackmail... so happy.

   Friday, Saturday, Sunday: Sorry for not updating.  And I know you said you wanted me to, but I've been busy.  I've been more than kind so far, but Operation Blackmail shall start soon!  I want my 35$!!

   Monday: Still waiting.  I worked again for you.  If you do not pay me back by Wednesday, I will start Operation Blackmail.  No joke.  And I will demand an additional ten dollars.  As we agreed.  On the phone.  And don't try to make me feel sorry and play the victim.  Nick is an angry Nick.  Nick is a vengeful Nick.  And Nick has been a patient Nick for a long time.  Rarrhhhhhhh!

   Tuesday: Bad day.  You have until TOMORROW!
 

   Then, the bad stuff goes up.

   Wednesday : Last day.

   And wouldn't you know, I had story number one and she pays me back!  Darn.  Well, here's the story since she wasted so much of my time.

   Here's a story about the first time I saw Jenn, back in her trainee days.  It was pretty funny.  However, one summer night, Hansel and I were lazy and wanted a ride home, since all that walking home we did were tiring and scary, with dangerous bums all around.

   But Jenn, being the sweet girl she is, offered a ride.

   So we got in her car (I sat in the back) and she began driving around the parking lot at no less than 45 miles per hour.  As she circled the parking lot, I noticed her angling for the cement underneath the big bright parking light.  I yelled no less than six times "Look out!" but she casually replied "Oh, I see it."

   Boom.

   Anyway, she not only popped both right tires, she actually broke the rims, a rotor (I think) and the thingy that is in the rubber on the tires.

   We walked home again that night.  Jenn cried for her mommy and worried what her parents would say.
 

   Anyway, I've decided I want five more dollars...
 
 
 

   Aftermath...

 
   Let this be a lesson to anyone who would dare to defy the Nick!  I will find information, make aware that information, and if necessary, blackmail that information.  Don't run, don't hide... just give me back my money.