I had feared, when I started mentally tallying marks against people who did foolish things, that there would be displays of incompetence that would all be so horrific that it would be impossible to fairly judge the 'contestants' and that my decision would be based on personal biases, opinions, and impossible to quantify judgments about a person's foolishness.

   Boy, was I wrong.

   Leading the pack, far far ahead of everybody else, was our very own Colleen.  Now, I know this may not come as a surprise to many of you, since we all know her.  But even she must stop and think before she talks, at least sometimes, right?  Right?  Dear God, someone agree with me!
 

   Colleen, you've earned a special place in my heart.  Let me tell you why you're the idiot of the week.
 
 

   How can anyone make me so angry?  How can anyone make my throat want to scream obscenities that would make gangland punks cringe?  Speaking of gangland punks, I'm sure everyone remembers the gang story.  For those of you who don't know, it's that group of guys who fooled around, started a fight with myself, my bro', and a friend, but were beaten by my bro' and I (they actually ran away before any of them were seriously hurt, but they stole something of mine).  To make a long story short, the 'leader', someone I thought was a real 'punk', realized his error, made an effort to return my stolen property, personally apologized to me (I was a bit nervous at the time because he was at a batting cage... with a bat), and said that he understands the error of his ways and doesn't want to make a big deal of it.  Mind you, some of his pals weren't exactly uninjured after his little act of foolishness, and my bro' gave this guy a kick (a hard, karate kick, mind you) where any guy would feel such pain as to hold a life-long grudge.

   Colleen... you find new and interesting ways to piss me off.  You're quite creative, actually, in your various methods of delivery and execution.  Just when you smile and say 'everything's ok', you somehow turn it all around and I get as violent as before, only my mastery of self-will forcing my hands to stay clenched at my sides rather than around your throat.

    How is it that some punk guy who received a sound thrashing and embarrassment can have more respect and honor than you?  Can't you apologize?  Can't you just once admit the fact that just maybe you're wrong?  Can't you let the world revolve around something other than you?  When I say "Hey, look at my website, isn't it cool?", the correct answer is "Yes, Nick, I love it, it's the greatest thing in the world," it is not "Can you make a Colleen page?"

   How stuck up is that?  You're so in love with yourself that you ask me to put up a webshrine to you in my own webshrine.  You don't go to Muslims and make prayers to Buddha!  You don't go to "The NICK Page" and make prayers to Colleen!
 

   So, in short, for so expertly manipulating me into screaming into my pillow to muffle the sounds of my own bitter, violent, rage-filled voice, I nominate and award Colleen R. the Idiot Award, awarded to those who performs activities of such extreme idiocy as to make a permanent, delible mark on my life forever after.

   Do not be proud.