My friend Ryan has a problem.  It's a paintball problem.

   Now, before I go onward, please remember that my team, unamed at this point, is composed of rookie players.  None of us have gone to any major competitions.  None of us have won many awards.  I have the most experience, but I haven't been to any competitions or achieved any fame (yet).  With that in mind, I expect there is much to learn for, all of us, and no one is going to be competing at top levels for some time.  In fact, I expect there to be many hours of practice, drills, and scrimmages before we become perfect.  We have lots of work to do.  I don't expect anything wonderful from you guys at this exact moment, no super feats, no heroic acts, no triumphs against impossible odds, but I do expect hard work, discipline, and good teamwork.  And I'm sure that we'll become the best!

   I've seen lots of promise.  Even in the short time we've been together, ever since that harmless comment of 'Hey guys, I've got two extra guns; wanna go paintballing?' right up to this very day, everyone's done nothing but improve.  There is absolutely no reason why we can't go 'all the way', whatever that means.
 

   But Ryan, do you have to shoot so much ammo?
 

   Paintballs are expensive.  They cost what, five cents or so?  Simple math reveals that you just wasted 18$ in that last barrage.  Ever wonder why you're refilling so much?  Because you don't stop shooting.  Honestly, it wouldn't be that much of a problem if you bought your own paintballs, but whenever I hear the words "Can I borrow some paintballs?  Just enough for one game?" I cringe.  Once, I broke down and cried.

   You use more paint than the guy who painted my house.  I've seen trigger-happy Angel shooters go through less paint on full-auto.

   I don't know what bothers me so much.  It's hard to identify.  I mean, you're not a bad player, especially considering you've only been playing for something like a month and some now.  And it's not that you're a bad shot, because I've seen you fool around and make some pretty consistent shot groupings in a small area at reasonable ranges.

   I've been thinking about this and I think I know.  Stop shooting when there's no chance of hitting!

   I think that's the problem.  When they're four hundred yards away, hold your fire.  They can barely hear your shots, let alone fear them.  I mean, I'm hardly the premier paintball player, the top pro in the entire world, but even I know that the guy safely hidden behind a tree absolutely cannot be hit, no matter how much I shoot at him, unless he chooses to come out.  And he's not going to come out when you're splatting 350+ balls against his cover.  If you're trying to shoot the tree down... well, usually I'd say it wouldn't work, but you shoot enough that it might actually succeed.

   I mean, we need a team player, someone who can work with us.  When the five of us are stalking through the woods, this is the typical scenario.

   "Frank, scour left.  The fields thick over there.  I don't want any ambushes."

   "Gotcha'."

   "And Van, cover him.  If he does find an ambush, respond to it--"

   "--AMBUSH!"

   "Alright, hold positions and fire!  I see one!"

   *Thunk*  *Thunk*

   "You got him!  Watch this!"

   *Thunk Thunk Thunk*

   "Behind you!"

   *Thunk*

   "I'm charging them... suppression fire now!"

   *Thunk Thunk Thunk Thunk Thunk*

   "More to the right!"

   *Thunk*

   "Good shooting... Ryan, there's someone trying to flank you."

   *ThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunk
    ThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunk
    ThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunk*

   "Reloading........"

   *ThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunk
    ThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunk
    ThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunkThunk*

   "Reloading again..."

 
    If he had been in range, maybe that would have been justification for sending a few thousand rounds in his direction.  I mean, sure, some teams don't even use that much ammunition, but you can't argue with results, right?  I think the guy called himself out when the river of yellow paint started running down the hill and drenching his shoes.  It's a good thing, to, because I was about to tackle you to stop that wanton ammo wastage... and I think at least two other guys were considering the same thing.

   Another problem with shooting that much is 'overshooting'.  One of these days, you're going to start one of your shooting rampages and, through some Godly and Divine Intervention, hit every single shot against your target.  And he is, quite literally, going to die right then and there on the spot.  His arm will fly off amidst a spray of yellow paint and red, life-giving blood, falling limp to the ground still clutching his paintball marker, perhaps the fingers twitching on the trigger, sending a stray paintball back at you in futile retaliation to stop what can only be described as an accidental massacre.  There have been kinder genocides than this nightmare that I dream of every night, as shot after shot after shot rings through the air, painting the poor guy's clothing a fatalistic yellow color.  I don't know why, but the color is always yellow, ironically the color of the life-giving sun, of warmth and happiness.  I wake up in a cold sweat.

   Sometimes, my nightmares are nothing but an empty blackness, peaceful serenity, the occasional *Thunk* sounding here and again.  Then, my dream self awakens, looking to his neighborhood and seeing houses, cars, trees, children, dogs, fences, everything yellow, broken shells everywhere.  A mocking voice calls out "I'm just practicing my shooting" as I scream in shock, the only colors I see other than yellow being the blue sky above me and, far in the distance, a pristine red bullseye, unmarked by any blemish.

   Please, Ryan, before it's too late, take a hammer to your trigger finger and break it.  Stop that possessed demon known as your pointer finger.  Remove than unholy ammo-hog that unconsciously compels you to shoot 100's of dollars of paint at nothingness.

   From this point onward, there must be reasonable, thoughtful shooting!  Seriously, there have been entire wars fought with less ammunition consumed by you on a long day of paintballing.  Small nations maintain stockpiles of ammunition smaller than the extra ammo that you carry on your body, always shooting, always finding some excuse for shooting.

   Please, no one benefits from your disgusting misuse of ammunition, except paintball fields, and they just want your soul.  Oh, how they benefit.  Surely, releasing that many gallons of paint into the wild is having a negative effect on the ecosystem.  But for the sake of your team, your friends, even your family, for the sake of the sport, and for the sake of me....

   Please, just put the paintball gun (and your 2,000 round case) and chant 'One shot, one kill'.  Remember, we're trying to mark the enemy player, not paint him.  If he wanted different color clothing, he would have gotten someone else's services.
 

   Please.... please......