My two friends, Charlie and Ryan (Otro Ryan, not my possessed trigger finger friend).  One works with me and was recently married.  The other I met when he dressed as an eskimo and went to Peace A Pizza one rainy night before the University took my money and spit on my shoes.

   Two different people.  Two different ages.  Neither knows of the other, but they both know of me.  They are as different as different can be.  In looks, size, shape, demeanor, education, intellect, sense of responsibility... they both are unique individuals.

   Yet they are connected by two tenuous links.

   The first is me.

   The second is their particular fascination with young girls.

   And people, when I say young, I don't mean 'Nick young', I don't mean 'Prime of your life young', I don't mean 'You're only young once young', I mean young.
 

   Ryan!  That girl over there, she's what, fourteen?  Let her be.  Leave her alone.   What do you mean "Too old for you?"  Oh yeah, I forgot, your limit is twelve years of age (and I'm not talking a lower limit, either).

   And Charlie, for heaven's sake, shut up!  You should not be yelling "Mint!" when those girls walk by.  First off, you're married.  You should be ashamed of yourself.  Secondly, they might be 'minty' to me, but you're just a tad old.  Remember the laws governing those sorts of relationships!!  Besides, half the girls that you point out are too young for me!!  I mean, even pedophiles realize that there IS a 'too young'.

   Guys, I like girls.  But I like them pretty, sweet, and approximately my age.  I'm not too specific about the age.  I mean, yes, I'm 19, and while "technically" 17 is 'illegal' according to the law, that's only a two year's difference.  No one would think anything bad of me.  But come on!  At least point out girls who have two digits in their ages.

   Here's another hint; if they cry for their 'mommy', you should probably leave them alone.  Especially if they're still holding a teddy bear.  That's too young.

   And Ryan, your excuses just don't cut it.  I don't want to hear "They're easier to lie to" or "They can't run as fast" as justification.

   Alright, that's enough of this.  I'm starting to feel ill.