AOL.

   I fear it.

   Do not be assimilated.  They are evil.

   Let's talk about AOL.  They couldn't have been bad to begin with.  Honestly, back when I first got onto 'the internet', I used AOL.  I think I remember some of the little problems with AOL back then, I think I saw inklings that AOL would be bad.

   It's a simple story.  I wanted the screename "Nickster" (I know, not as cool as TrueLancer, but still cool).  Someone had it.  It auto-prompted me to use several different variations of Nickster involving changes to the name, using parts of my real name, or adding a number to my proposed nick.

   Now, that's a problem.  "Nickster71", I remember.  That means there are 70 other Nickster's out there.

   Why would anyone want a nick that is taken by at least 70 other people?  How unoriginal.  And that's the problem with AOL.  They just don't have much originality.

   On the same note, I get pissed off when "Bob73294" IM's me.  Bob, could you  not think of something?  Anything?  Grr...

   Surely, something is wrong when a service doesn't try to stop idiots with names like "HotLesbian451" or "Bob73294".

   Originality.  Nothing on AOL is original (although I am a fan of Gemstone III, a text based game that I wasted quite a few hours on).  Why does AOL prevent non-AOL'ers from seeing their webpages or visiting their chatrooms?  Honestly, do I have to be 'assimilated', do I have to be special, just to see these things?  Why would you make a service that's so big but can only be viewed by members?  It just seems elitist to me.

   And elitist they are not!  When I get random mail that I don't know who it's from, I always check the sender.  And if it's any name followed by '@aol.com', I'm immediately suspect.  Why am I suspect?  Consider this; IRC, a popular internet chatting program (and pretty good, too) actually banned anyone using AOL as their server.  Consider the ramifications of such a statement.  It turns out IRC people did some sort of a test or survey and determined that the online trouble makers mostly originated from AOL.

   What does AOL do to stop this?

   Not much.  People warned or complained about rarely have sactions against them.  That means less money from active users.  Even more annoying were websites (hosted by AOL) containing 'hacking and booting' programs.  These programs allowed AOL users to steal other AOL users passwords and logins, to boot people out of AOL chatrooms, and do other naughty things that they shouldn't be doing.  Mind you, AOL hosted the websites with these programs.  Why nothing was done about it boggled me.  After all, if I, an innocent little Nick websurfer, knows about this website that can only be used to the detriment of AOL, then AOL must know.

   I assume that customer service costs money.

   I'm not against the basic premise of AOL.  They seem to cater to 'new' internet users, the stay-at-home moms and the business men sort of people.  But AOL users seem to belong under three categories.  The first are the true idiots, the people who are out to make someone's life miserable.  These are the people that IM you annoying things or curse a lot.  The second are the moronic idiots, the people who mean no harm but can't comprehend basic things like capital letters, punctuation, or web browsers.

   Here's an example.  I'm TrueLancer, of course.  SPIKEDDJ is the first kind of idiot while colcat is the second kind of idiot.  Some hints as to which kind of idiot a person is can be found from their name.  The first kind really like capital letters and names that sound dirty, tough, or just outright stupid.  The second kind have names that make sense only to themselves (colcat could be "Colorado Cat" but how the hell do *I* know what they mean?).

colcat: how do i talk to you
TrueLancer: Could you be more specific?  Are you talking to me?
colcat: yes.
SPIKEDDJ: shut the f*** up, a**h*le.
TrueLancer: You are talking to me.
SPIKEDDJ: Stupid f***, ill kill you!!!!!!!
colcat: no how do i wshisper to you lol
TrueLancer: /ignore SPIKEDDJ
TrueLancer: Oh, whispering.  Just click on the 'help' button and it contains all the commands.
SPIKEDDJ: ill kill your kitten.
colcat: could u help me ???????
TrueLancer: I just did help you.

   And this goes on forever and ever until somebody is drowned in my pool.

   Basically, the first kind of people are drowned because they want to make my life miserable.  The second kind are drowned because they deserve it.  The first kind of people like to insult you (by the way, I was censoring SPIKEDDJ.  He would never do that himself) and use lots of exclamation points.  The idiots who don't know they're idiots like to use abbreviations that are stupid (like 'u' for you and 'lol') all the time.  Not in moderation.  ALL the time.  They prefix their sentences with these meaningless bouts of foolishness!

   The next thing that boggles me about AOL is their inferior messaging system.  It's true that they made 'instant messages' a part of our modern vernacular, but how is it that AOL offers the AIM program to everyone, AOL and non-AOL users alike, a program that is infinitely more powerful and useful than the AOL messaging system, yet still have the same inferior system without any upgrades?  It boggles my mind.

   Finally, I hate all those "Free 50 million hours of AOL!" disks that they keep sending out to everybody who bought a computer in the last twelve years.  And they have links so that AOL users get some sort of reward for giving these to friends!  I will throw these discs at you, I will break them and force them down your throat!  I've never gotten so many disks in my life.  I hate them all.

   AOL might have changed in the last year, but my fondest memories were the porn ads.  Mind you, I never asked to receive porn ads, I have never downloaded or saved pornography, and I have never subscribed to pornography.  But everyone on AOL gets porn ads.  I mean, it's like AOL is working with the porn people.  Seriously, go make an AOL account.  Within the next ten minutes, check your email ("You've got mail!").

   Here's what the typical AOL inbox looks like.  I don't know how they get your email address, but they do, and they spam it mercilessly!

You have (12) new messages.

[1], received XX/XX/01.
   WELCOME TO AOL!

[2], received XX/XX/01.
   FREE SUBSCRIPTION TO XXX-VIDEOS!  Come inside to see...

[3], received XX/XX/01.
   I'm an innocent little girl, just waiting for you at www.tooyoung.com.....

[4], received XX/XX/01.
   Nasty!  Naughty!  X-Rated!  All for 2.50$ a month!

[5], received XX/XX/01.
   I'd love for you and me to meet... I'm hot, I'm blonde, and I'm waiting for you to click....

[NEXT PAGE]

   ARGH!  Why!?  Why!?  All I want to do is email my friend.  Why must I get spam and porn when all I have ever visited is "Delaware News" and "Local Weather.com"?  They're evil!  Very evil people.
 

   If you have a reasonable connection, I'm going to suggest you click to this link here and view the movie.  It's worth the wait.  And it exemplifies my thoughts on the matter better than me.  And I'm exhausted from working all day.

   More will come to be later... I'm sure of it.  AOL has left it's mark on me.